In the Life of a Nurse

Drew had a MILLION bad music jokes… so I thought I’d share an email I got from my friend Yvonne… I think my favorite is the first one. :)

Did you hear about the nurse who died and went straight to hell?? It took her two weeks to realize she wasn’t at work!

You may be a nurse if…..

You believe that every patient needs tlc… .. Thorazine, Lorazepam and Compazine.

You would like to meet the inventor of the call light some night in a dark alley.

You believe not all patients are annoying, some are unconscious.

Your sense of humor gets more warped each year.

You know the phone number of every late night delivery place by heart.

You can only tell time by the 24 hr clock.

Almost everything can seem humorous….eventually. (HAHHAHAAAA… this is SO DANG TRUE!!!!, and sad)

When asked what color that patients diarrhea was, you show them your shoes.

You know the smell of different diarrhea to identify it.

Every time you walk you make a jingling noise because of all the scissors and clamps in your pocket.

You can tell the pharmacist more about the medication they are dispensing than they know.

You refuse to watch ER because it is too much like the real thing and it triggers flashbacks.

You check the caller ID on your day off to see if anyone from the hospital is trying to call and ask you to work.

You’ve been telling stories in a restaurant and made someone at another table throw up.

You notice that you are using more 4 letter words than you did before you started nursing. (WAIVING HAND WILDLY, this is ME!)

Every time someone asks you for a pen you can find at least 4 of them on you.

You can intubate your friends at parties.

You don’t get excited about blood unless it is your own.

You live by the motto “to be right is only half the battle, to convince the doctor is more difficult”

You’ve basted your thanksgiving turkey with a toomey syringe.

You’ve told a confused patient that your name was that of your co- worker and to holler if they need help.

Eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly normal.

Your bladder can expand to the size of a winnebago’s water tank.

You may be a nurse if…..

When checking the level of a patients orientation you aren’t sure of the answer.

You find yourself checking out other customers veins in grocery waiting lines.

You can sleep soundly at the hospital cafeteria table on your dinner break and are not be embarrassed when you wake up.

You avoid unhealthy looking shoppers in the mall for fear that they will drop near you and you’ll have to do cpr on your day off.

You throw a party for a co-worker and use a urinal (clean of course) as a lemon-aid pitcher and use a bed sheet for a tablecloth

You hate to get dressed in “real clothes” because scrubs are what you live in, and why can’t they make jeans that comfortable.

You often stay awake for 24+ hrs at a time when you work nights and realize you don’t need alcohol or drugs to hallucinate just lack of sleep…

You pull over in some parking lot after working nights because you are too tired to drive home and wake up to someone knocking on your window thinking you have had a stroke because you are passed out in your car and drooling.

Your finger has gone places you never thought possible. (tee hee)

You have seen more penis’ than any prostitute. (HAHA…)

You’ve sworn to have “No code” tattooed on your chest.

If you are not a nurse and have been sent this by a friend who is, its just to help you understand our mind set and questionable mental state.

“The fate of the wounded rest in the hands of those who apply the first bandage.”

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Comments

  1. says

    loved the nursing jokes! Ryan read them with me and thought it sounded a little bit like me. I especially loved the night shift jokes!

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