Hey you out there, yeah, you with the minivan whose doors open at the click of your remote. I'm talkin' to YOU.
Our van apparently had dirty contacts, and that's all it was. I'd even taken my finger and wiped-off the contacts, but apparently they get dirty enough that you need to either use very fine grit sandpaper OR a pencil eraser to clean both parts of the contacts off. If you don't know where your contacts are (and I didn't) they're on the edge of the door, we have about 10 of them, and corresponding parts on the door and the frame of the car.
I hate taking our car in. And for something THAT dumb? I feel like a foo' :) To put it in Mr. T terms.