Hey, Moms… that’s right, YOU!

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Hey, I was hoping to get more comments on my “sticking up for others” post that is about 3 posts below…. still trying to figure out how to juggle friend visits better…
Although, now I’m totally confused about the JW’s after the weirdo posted…. :)

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  1. says

    OK, OK!
    As you know, I have an only, so I didn’t feel like an expert, but we have had similar experiences, except we were the visiting friend (and either P or the older sibling didn’t want to include the younger.)

    I thought that how your family handled it was great, with giving S special time with dad. I feel like I have usually pushed for everyone to be included, but that is because the younger child is never mine, so I try and be overly conscious of their feelings. From my perspective, I want to show P that it is not OK to leave people out. It doesn’t happen much anymore, because now most of the younger siblings are old enough to really play appropriately and shrink the age gap.

    Having said that though, I think if I had two, who always played together, and the older had a rare playdate with a friend, then I might want to allow them that experience, and plan something else for the younger.

    Thinking about how my friends have handled it – I don’t think they have any plan or stance. Usually all the kids (all the olders are 5, the youngers are 3) play together really well. But all of these different groups are good friends of ours – where the entire families are friends. If occasionally (like one family who has an older daughter who is 6, and a 3 year old son), P and her little girlfriend want time from the meddling little brother, his mom or I just kind of distract or play with him for awhile.

    Sorry for the long, meandering message – you asked! : )

    I am a little apprehensive about entering elementary school and the world of playdates with kids whose parents I don’t know!

  2. says

    It is just our family rule that you have to play with your younger brothers too. I usually explain to Josh before his friends come over that I will send his friend home if they exclude or are mean to Hyrum (and Math). I tell him that his family is more important and his friends will come and go but Hy will always be in our family so it is better for him to treat Hyrum nicely than it is for him to treat his friends nicely. It has happened that I had to explain to a few little boys that at our house we had to play with everyone and that he would have to go home if he couldn’t be nice to Joshua’s brothers. I only had to send one home a little early. It was stressful for me but I just decided that it was far better for Josh and Hy to realize that Hy is more important than one of Josh’s friends. After that I have never had any problems with Josh. Once in a while I have to remind him and his friends not to leave Hyrum out but they are really good about including him after a reminder because Josh knows he will be in trouble and I will send his friends home.

  3. says

    Um, yea…weird JW comment!

    When my nephew visited we had some problems with him wanting to leave Tanner out of the picture. He and Ashton are 5 and Tanner is 3 and I know that a 3 year old can be trying at times, but Ashton has grown up with the little tag-a-long and it was a good experience for Ash to show Brady how to exist with a younger sibling. We had name calling (“baby”, which is the WORST thing to call a 3 year old!) and running away from him, so I had to put a stop to it and require them to let Tanner play with them. I also reminded them that during Tanner’s nap they would have time to themselves to do something special….play on the computer etc.

    As far as everyday playdates, if a friend comes over, all the boys play together. I haven’t had my olders really try to shun the youngers that much….just every once in a while i’ve had to say, “Let’s all play together, o.k.?”

    That’s my two cents. :)

  4. says

    Okay…you got my attention. LOL!

    And I can see that I am going to be in the minority here.
    ut we allow the kids to have playdates that “exclude” the other children…because each child deserves to have special time to play with their own friends.

    But, it also depends on what they are doing and where.

    If they are playing a board game, they can go in their room and play without siblings.

    But, if they are playing wii (which is a family activity), then everyone has to take turns, friends and all.

    If they are going for a bike ride, the playdate children can go by themselves, but if they are playing in the backyard, then everyone gets to go out.

    However, they are never allowed to be mean to each other…or call names. That isn’t EVER acceptable. And that kind of behavior means the end of the playdate.

    If the little tag-a-longs get to be too much, then I will intervene and find something else for the little ones to do.

    It is hard to be the older sibling and for the most part you always have to share everything you have. So, I am perfectly fine with the idea of being able to have your friends over and expect that little sibs won’t interfere.

  5. says

    I’m kind of like Denise give them space on some activities but others there’s no exclusion. Probably fewer activities fall under exludable for a sibling. Hope it doesn’t totally confuse my kids.

  6. says

    I think you handled the situation well w/ having dad help out.

    I have one daughter who is 7 so we don’t have the sibling issue but I am crazy enough to let my daughter have more than one friend over at a time so being left out sometimes becomes an issue. If someone comes to me and says ‘I am being left out’, I survey the situation. If my daughter is the one doing the leaving out I usually mention to her that she invited her friends over and everyone should be included. Actaully, I will do that if anyone is doing the leaving out.

    If one of the kids just doesn’t want to play what the others are playing I just leave it alone. I tell them (if asked) that everyone doesn’t have to play the same thing. Sometimes kids will want to do different activities and that’s okay.

    The world sure has changed since I was little. I don’t remember things like this w/ my sister & our friends. I don’t remember my mom getting involved like I do. A simpler time, I guess. :)

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