Sticking Up for Others

Yesterday Conner had a playdate. Now, honestly I’m not a super fun mom. My children rarely have playdates with “their” friends — I do a fair amount of babysitting as trades for friends but those kids aren’t really one child’s friend or another’s so it’s a rarity that “their” friend will come over. Does that make sense?

Well ,this particular friend wasn’t in for letting Spencer play with and Conner quickly realized that and went along. Finally, just to keep the peace, Drew took Spencer in and played our fake wii with him in our bedroom. Apparently, Spencer beat Drew in golf. Anyway, how do you deal with it when your kids have friends over? I’m trying to be that cool mom a bit more this summer and it’s easier since I’m friends with a few of their moms on facebook… but I was baffled on how to do it (in honestly, I was a girl and my brother was a boy and we had VERY separate friends and things we wanted to do, so I don’t particularly remember this being an issue at our house). I get how he might not want to include him, but I knew that the way they were treating him was OK either. I was hoping for suggestions….

At work the other day we had a Jehovah’s Witness patient. Our anesthesiologist kept going on and ON about how STUPID she was for not wanting blood. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. I rationally explained that some people have beliefs which are rooted in them even further than all of her medical knowledge and how this patient literally believes she will go to hell if she gets blood so SHUT IT. I asked the doctor if there were things she would rather die doing than go to hell — I’m pretty sure she’s atheist because she basically just said I was stupid. But, I do believe that religion in most forms is good and we need to stand-up for people who have beliefs, even if we don’t agree with them. Now, I once had a patient who didn‘t say she had a religion (we ask as part of our intake) but she did say she didn’t want to get blood because her family was JW’s. I did question her on if she was willing to die for something she didn’t even accept as her own. I found that a little weird.

BUT, the whole day was just a reminder that we need to support the people around us on what is good. Learning to have empathy for those around us is one of the most important things we can learn. I hope to work on instilling it in my kids.

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Comments

  1. says

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  2. Sharon says

    We still have the same problems with friends and mine are teens. When they were little, I tried to give the one with a friend some time on their own, but if it worked well I encouraged them to let the other play. Usually it depended on what they were doing and how well it worked to have three playing. We also would talk about how we treat our family and how to stick up for your sibling….the friends who were nice to the sib sure were easier to have over!

    But I think it’s good to give the friends some time alone, too.

  3. says

    Obviously by my lack of children I am no pro in this area. But I was best friends with a girl who’s younger sister liked to tag along a lot. (Usually much to our annoyance) Basically their mom just divided up the time. She said that we got to do our own thing about half the time and the other half of the time we had to let her tag along. It ended up that i became just as close if not closer to the younger sibling. That’s my two cents on that.

    On the JW thing: Perhaps it would be ok to nicely put that Dr. in her place by suggesting an alternative. Instead of telling the patient they are stupid, suggest they donate their own blood ahead of time in case of emergency. The Dr. I used to work for offered this for JW patients who did not want blood transfusions and they considered it an acceptable alternative. I believe it has to be done 24 to 48 hours in advance of a surgical procedure to give the body time to replenish with new blood, but I could be wrong?

  4. Mikell says

    i thought what you did was great. Mormons stick up for our beleafs… People probably call us STUPID for not drinking coffee and what not… wouldnt you want someone to stick up for us… ill stop talking now… Good job hilly

  5. says

    I love that you stuck up for your patient…people should respect other people’s beliefs. I hope I would have done the same thing. Good going, Hilary!

  6. says

    Both of my girls have friends that don’t mind playing with both of them, so I haven’t really run into this problem, but I can see how it would happen. Besides the fact that I’m about as fun as you and we rarely have friends come over.

    Interesting on the Doctor situation. I hope she wasn’t saying it to the patient’s face. Religious beliefs are religious beliefs and they all need to be respected no matter how kooky they are. Good for you for sticking up.

  7. says

    We’re just starting to have this issue some times. Allison has friends from school that Emily doesn’t know. Generally, I expect them to allow Emily to play, unless it was an occasion like a birthday party. I’m ok dropping Allison off and telling Emily this is something she’ll get to do with her friends when she’s bigger.

    I figure, if they come to our house, they should expect to play with our kids. Emily doesn’t get in the way much. If she does I try to distract her or give her something to do that won’t disrupt, but that’s all part of having siblings. I had 4 brothers and 3 sisters and if someone came to our house, they had to expect to play with all of us.

    As we got older, we were allowed to go into our own rooms and keep the door shut, but we still had to share that space with whatever kids we shared a room with. I tell my girls the classic “friends come and go, but you’ll always have your sister.” I fully expect Allison to treat Emily like she would any other friend, and vise versa.

    Let me know how you work through this. My opinions on parenting are always changing as they get older.

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