Lost

Saturday we went up to the temple*.  We have a ward temple day each week where the whole family comes (children aren’t allowed in the temple, but it has beautiful grounds and a visitor’s center that they visit).  It’s such a fun day for us to re-focus as we enter the holiday season and remember what we’re truly grateful for.

Anywho.  I was REALLY excited to go.  Drew’s been gone a motherload of time lately, and I haven’t been working.  I feel alone, and tired, and run-down by the kids and life.  Drew and I were planning on switching off, and doing some shorter work so one could stay out with Paige (they had activities planned for the boys).  I was just looking forward to some time of peace to think about how to be a better mom, wife and friend.  I always find solutions to my problems when I was there.

Drew went first, so I could get the kids settled in and help out if necessary.  We went on a tour of the outside.  For those of you who haven’t been, the Oakland temple is on possibly the most beautiful plot of land in the Bay area, it’s up in the Oakland hills where you can look out on the city.  It was such a clear day and the flowers were lovely.  We just had a nice time, me and the kids and our friends.  Then, Drew came back and it was my turn to go in.  As I was walking in I was thumbing through the nine-million cards in my wallet, and I couldn’t find it.  I figured it’d just be a mater of time, so I sat down.  It was nowhere.  4 Kaiser cards, 3 library cards, 4 cards for my job, ID, credit cards — all of them there.  But not this one.  It was gone.  I sat there so sad.  I felt like I had let God down, myself down, and those who were watching my kids, I felt like I let them down too.

I went to my car and started to cry.  Mostly just the week culminating in such a crappy ending.  I did have some time to review my life then though.  I thought about how I’d heard a voice in my head say “check to make sure you have you recommend”, but I ignored it (in retrospect, that probably would have been worse, because the card is gone — I have no clue where it is, probably lost at at my Nephew’s wedding or at one of the other 5 million times I have to pull cards out of my wallet).  I thought about all I had gotten done that morning.  I’d balanced the checkbook, cleaned the entire house, spent 20 minutes cleaning the garage, got the kids bathed, dressed and fed and off to the temple by 9:30 am.  I’d accomplished a lot (I’d even done my food storage check the evening before because I knew I wouldn’t have time that day).  I actually got in the car and was patting myself on the back for all I’d gotten done.

Problem was, I didn’t have the one thing I NEEDED.

Then, my mind wandered to the story of Jesus with Mary and Martha.  Basic story: Jesus goes to visit and talk with them, and one of them is running around trying to clean her house and make it presentable to the King of Kings, and the other one sits at His feet and listens.  Far too often I’m the cleaner, and not the listener.  It’s not to say that keeping a house of order isn’t important — but was it as important as listening to our Savior?  Anyway, just realized that I need ot be in a more equal partnership with my husband, that the weight of doing everything doesn’t rest on me, and that he’s willing to help out (but might need a little direction). 

I have a friend’s blog whose title is “Raising Boys” and her subtitle is this:

“My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, ‘You’re tearing up the grass.’ ‘We’re not raising grass,’ Dad would reply. ‘We’re raising boys.’”     ~Harmon Killebrew
Anyway, just came to the realization that I need to look more thoughtfull into that type of activity.  It’s not about compost, cleaning, and bread-making, it’s the family (and in the end, that will help my goal of independence).
When I finally got over myself I got out and joined my family.  They were in the visitor’s center.  There are SO many great exhibits in the visitors center.  The one I was able to make it all the way through was one about families and how it all points to families being forever and that’s most important.  I teared-up again.  Those darn church videos, they’ll do that to a girl.
In the end I felt so blessed to have what I do have, and realized I’ll be back to the temple another day but remembering what an important job I have right now, how blessed I am to be a mom, a wife and a friend and how I can make a difference in people’s lives.
And, I got a new recommend yesterday.  I feel so lost without it. :)  I am so grateful for the temple, and even just being near it helps you to make your life better.  We’ll be heading up again early next month for a dance recital of the Jesus’ birth.  We’d be happy to go with friends. 

Whatever your “place” is to go and reflect.  When time gets tight, it’s so important to take that time.  To make any changes you need, and to put your life on the right path.  Where do you go?

*The temple is a sacred building.  All visitors are welcome in our churches, but only those who are of age (usually when kids go on missions or get married they are “endowed” in our temples) and worthy are allowed inside.  Worthiness isn’t difficult but you are required to be a member for at least 1 year and answer a few questions in order to get a “recommend” (a piece of paper just saying your worthy to enter the temple).  The questions include following the word of wisdom, the law of chastity, and following the commandments in general.  Inside the temple we make promises to our Heavenly Father that will allow our family to be together forever.  For me, it’s a place to relax, really think about how my life is going and any “redirections” that I need to make.  You can find more information here.  The second video shows some footage inside the temple.  I know that the temple seems like a scary and distant thing, but it’s warm and inviting, for those who are ready to enter it.

_______________________________________________________________________
Thanks for visiting pulling curls. Please consider subscribing to my newsletter, circle up on g+, following me on Pinterest or liking me on Facebook.
 photo postfoote500copy_zps8188d13c.jpg

Comments

  1. says

    Awe, I’m so happy that quote popped into your mind! You are a-mazing…getting all that done before 9;30 am and heading to the temple where you needed to be. Sounds like the Lord blessed you anyway with clarity and peace.

  2. says

    Excellent post, and something we all need to think about. Eternal perspective is very important, but it is also hard to come by sometimes when we are so concerned with the here and now.

  3. says

    Thanks for sharing this with me; it was worth popping over to read. And I was without a recommend for a while too after a little garbage mishap and I felt so great when I finally got one again. Your post reminded me to drop my to do list and hustle over the temple as soon as I can.