Anxiously engaged, or just anxious?

Since my little postpartum bit, I’m thinking I hae postpartum anxiety, and it’s continuing.  Somehow, that event turned on a trigger for me.  I find myself having what most people would term panic attacks, although they must be mild because I can still function during them, I just wish I had a xanax the whole time.

My dad’s a pretty anxious guy.  I worry that my anxiety is my inner self telling my other self that something needs to get done, but when I sit and really think about it it’s just useless anxiety.  I don’t have it all the time, it seems to be randomly placed… normally stress is an activator for me.  I like my job because of the stress and adrenaline rushes… but sometimes it’s just too much.

My main way to deal with it seems to be cleaning and organizing.  I don’t want to eat, last night I had to force myself to my points.  Also, helping others.  I’m scheduled to visit teach today and I’m pretty sure that’s my ticket out of this hole.

The reasons it came on were small.  The most stupid one being that I didn’t buy my Disney tickets early enough and it’s costing more (like 80 bucks more).  But, is it worth losing sleep and an entire day just over 80 bucks.  Believe me, it’s just not!

It’s just so hard to pick yourself up when you feel SO down.  In my head I realize that perfection just isn’t something I can obtain me, but perhaps something else thinks I can and when I fall short it just drags me down.

Anyway, kind of a downer post, but I’m sure some of you feel that way sometimes, and I just wanted to get it off my chest.  Just a little self-psychotherapy on the blog. :)

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Comments

  1. says

    Anxiety is hard…it’s like you tell yourself to calm down and not let it bug but then you are upset with yourself for being so wound up and its just this downward spiral. I am sorry Hil and I hope that tomorrow things get better!! You are the best and I look up to you alot!