Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Me, watching my weight

P hasn't been sleeping much, and hence, I haven't been sleeping much.  I suffer from an inability to fall back to sleep after I'm awake so that doesn't really help either.  In the spin of all that I've started eating more, and too much, and I'm insane.  I keep thinking I can stick to "eating consciously" which, I think I could if I wasn't tired and tired, and well... tired.

Today I looked at the scale and thought of ALL of the working out I've done lately and realized I'm done.  I'm joining weight watchers.  I'm betting my 53 bucks that I can stick to their point system. 

I did calorie counting about 2 years ago, and with little success.  I just coudln't find a calorie at which I would lose weight.  At one point I was sticking to 1200 calories and not losing.  It was painful to say the very least. 

So, we will see.  I'm doing it online and I hope to spend 10 minutes each day rading through message boards and getting ideas from other members, and I plan to do a weekly post on my progress on my weight loss blog.  I also got Weight Watchers magazine at a good price.

I need to lose weight.  I've needed to, and I did it but I think that was at a point in my life where I coudl really "listen" to myself.  Now it's time to say "this is what you get" and enjoy it. :)

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Have You Ever Been This Happy?





Somehow, I doubt it.  And that yawning one, doesn't that just capture how you feel many days?  I made her this hat, I know you're impressed.  Something about me think she looks like Audrey duck from Mr. Rogers.  Anyone remember her?  Top right -- doesn't that pain you to see?  She sits like that ALL the time.  Ouch.!

One more reason to be happy (besides a rought estimation of our tax return this year, after being cancelled leaving me an entirely free Saturday):



I got all of them, plus another darker pair of teal pants for 14 and change, plus a free book for Spencer.  Kid to Kid is having an awesome clearance right now.  I got all of these at least 50% off or more (the top one is the cutest coat for 5 bucks!).  Also, if you mention their monthly emails you get 10% off AND if you mention my name you get 3 dollars off your first order.  I know, I talk them up a lot, but it sure fills my need to buy Miss P adorable clothes (don't you love the shirt above, I got that there also) while still stayin' in the ol' budget.

On a whole other note I just saw this article on MSNBC.
Doesn't he know the Pope DOES have a blog.  Ok, my name's not really Pope anymore, but once it was, and once upon a time my friends would have found that all very funny.
You do all know the Pope has given a devotional at BYU... don't you? :)  I even gave the prayer at it...

Friday, January 22, 2010

The First Big Test

Ok, so after writing yesterday's blog entry about music, I went in and listened to the whole "missionary song" and so many thoughts came back, and I knew I'd have to write a blog about it.

I only had one "boyfriend" before Drew.  Boy oh boy was I in love.  Ok, not so much.  I thought I was though and we were really great friends.  He took me through a very difficult time in my life.  I know God placed him in my life to get me though that.  I'll always be grateful to him.

And then he went on a mission . We broke-up when the semester ended (my choice) and he went to Plano and I stayed in boring old Provo.  I called him a few times, and then he got his call to go to Spain.  Then I entered my sophmore year and he wasn't there.  I'd grown used to him.  He was my rock, as were a lot of the boys that I loved (I just always had a lot of good guy friends, most often outnumbering the girl friends).  For those of you who aren't from Happy Valley, it'd be hard to imagine but when you turn 19 you are suddenly left with guys who have chosen not to go on a mission, or guys that are 21 and have gone on a mission, matured a lot and are ready to get married.  It was a really difficult time for me.  Then, he went into the MTC and to me it was just more than God could ask.  It wasn't fair that they all left to serve Him and I was left here to educate myself and suffer.  In that song it says "foundations rock and sway" and I remember thinking maybe this church wasn't so true after all if it'd ask things like this of ME. 

I think everyone has that moment in their lives where they think God is asking too much.  Although mine was petty and sad (I am guessing many are) I think those are the times when you grow the most.  There is a time where everyone realizes the bigger picture in life.  There are times when you realize that the bigger picture was that I was blessed to have him in my life to carry me through that time.  Then, I went on to date a folk dancer for a quick moment and then it was on to Drew.

....And we lived happily ever after.  That isn't to say that my foundation doesn't "rock and sway" every now and then, but looking at the past you realize that the foundation is there, you are sometimes ignorantly sliding on the banister.  Sometimes anaologies go too far....

Annonymous Zicam Hater

A.  I do not take annonymous comment seriously.  If you really loved me you'd tell me your name.
B.  I use Zicam Lozenges, the nose thing alway seemed a bit suspect anyway (aka, if I'm blowing my nose, why am I going to put something up there?).  They aren't good for you.
C.  I take the lozenges (nore more than 6/day, but I must admit I probably average 4) only for 3-4 days.  Then I stop.  Frankly, there are days I just have to power through, and Zicam gives me that will.  When the going is ugly, I take a Zicam, Sudafed and tyelnol/advil (whatever's handy).

Here's a link from Wikipedia, in case anyone is interesting, it seems fairly even-handed:

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Why I Blame Laura for Making Me Cry in My Car Today

A while ago, Lara wrote a great post on crying when she hears/sings music, and in her comments I taunted her mercilessly about how silly she is. :)

Flash forward to today.  I'm in my car.  I recently bought an MP3 player (well, Santa bought Drew one and found such a great deal, and shipping was kind of a lot in comparisson, he threw one in for me too... that Santa's a dream), and Phantom of the Opera came up -- tears started stinging my eyes.  I LOVED that musical in high school.  I played it endlessly, I saw it twice with my high school orchestra, one of those times was the first/only time I visited the Bay Area before we moved here.  Needless to say, I was a big fan of it.  I just thought back to all the good times I have surrounding it.  Then, came on a flute concerto I played many times back in high school.  Again, more stinging.  I wouldn't call it a free flow of fluids, but just some stinging.  I'm not much of a crier.

Isn't it amazing how songs take you back?  I guess I hadn't noticed it until I got the MP3 player loaded.  I put ALL my old CD's on it, and I love having them pop up and take me back to a time I loved them, or the movie I saw and what time period I was in at that time.  Lady in Red, Fields of Gold, Broken Stairway (which was my "song" when my "missionary" went into the MTC -blech!) -- they're all there.

Be it an old boyfriend, an old apartment, a time when we were just young and free -- any of those.  What great memories music holds in our hearts.  I'm so glad I got my Fuze cheap on woot. :)  I mean, Santa got my fuze for me. :)

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

You're Right

That last post is the reason I love my blog.  It sounded like a lot of people had that article throw them for a loop, but when explained it made total sense.

I other news, why can't my kids learn to cover their orafices when they sneeze/cough/etc?  P is sick and I am suckin' down the Zicam to stay afloat.

Also, I got a C Grade on my Your Shape workout this AM.  That hurts, I blame my black pants.
Booooo.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

TMI Tuesday: Emotional Problems

Ok, TMI Tuesday makes a triumphant return, possibly to only show it's little head when questions or asked or I think of something.

 
This time it's about emotional problems, and most often depression.  This is brought my an article I read in the Ensign.  I don't really get it. 

 
As some quick background, I was just steps away from thinking I needed to start taking something after I had Paige.  I wasn't finding joy, I didn't want to talk to friends.  Most of all I felt overwhelming sensations of panic without causation.  It was awful and I felt out of control.  After that experience I understood why people took prozac.  Then, I read that talk.  I guess it was talking about how you need to have enough "emotional" storage so you're not bothering the bishop with every little thing.

 
Part of me worries that those who really need help don't bother the bishop, so I found that article to take me aback a bit.

 
As I'm listening to it online I think I'm getting it a little more clearly.  Just that we need to withstand every little thing, and only use our church leaders to council us on bigger tradgedies.  It's an interesting viewpoint that you can listen to here.  Did anyone else read the article and think (?)?

 
I do think that as a church we tend to think that by praying and looking to Christ we can fix everything, and I strongly believe that's true, and also untrue.  I think a lot of depression could be solved by actually emmulating Christ.  I also think that there's a fair number of cases that couldn't be solved that way.  If I was still living with the overwhelming panic I would be a shell of what i am today.  I would have needed therapy and possibly medication.  However, it wouldn't be my bishop that I'd have it with, that's what a professional is for.

 
I am putting together a handout for a class I'm teaching at church.  I'm going through the different health screenings we should go through.  I felt strongly that depression needed to be on there, these are the symptoms that I came up with:

  • Feeling sad or hopless for much of the time
  • It can affect your concentration, memory, ability to make decisions. 
  • Changes in your eating and sleeping habits
  • Loss of interest in things you have enjoyed in the past.

Then, I was watching Desperate Housewives where the wives gather around the one who needed help.  It's our job to assess friends for emotional problems and when we feel like just talking it out with us isn't going to be enough, to refer them to someone who can really help.  Also helping them once the therapy is initiated.  We can be a huge help in someone's recovery, I believe.

Until you've felt it you can't really understand what it's like.  I know I was like that, but it is just as much of a pain as strep through, and it requires therapy, just like another disease.  But, like anything else the sun shines brighter once you have seen the dark.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Menu Plan Monday

I haven't been on top of the menu plans in a while and it's been showing when dinner time comes around.  I don't have links to all the recipes, but here's what we're having.  Hopefully it sparks something in your mind.
  • Tangy Pork Sandwiches
  • 30 Min. Chicken Noodle Soup
  • Taceritos (like the flavors of a taco in a burrito)
  • Cincinatti Chili
  • Chicken Korma (this is literally the first time ever I have cooked with curry)
I recently subscribed to Taste of Home and Cooking light, and I'm excited to try out some new things, while still using our food storage and lots of veggies!

Favorite recipe of the week (I wish everyone would do this, I want tried and true recipes, I TELL YOU!)
Sadly, this one's a cookie recipe but it was SO good.
Soft Oatmeal Cookie Recipes from All recipes.  I ended-up using some butterscotch chips, and leftover chocolate chips (semis sweet and milk) and some crasins.  It was a clean the pantry cookie. :)
SO good.

Oh, and to burn off some of those calories, I just did a post on the weight loss blog about my current workout.  It's the Jenny McArthy Your Shape. 

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Thughts on the week

I feel like there are waves of people dying.  This week it seems like 1/2 of the blogs I read had someone close to them die.  Why is that?  It's making me awfully sad.

But, then I saw this blog.  NOTE, don't read this while fragile little faces are reading your blog -- but I was downright amused by it. 

We have a wedding today.  I'm sure that will perk me up, right?

The One Where I Finally Reveal my "Resolutions"

Finally, to reveal my resolutions.  My friend Maryanne has an "Uberlist" and while I thought this was great, I knew I didn't have the will in me to think of 110 things to do this year.  I decided on 10.  They are, in no particular order:
1.  6 visits to the temple (where, I hopefully bring my recommend)
2.  Video workouts of more than 30 min/day 3X/wk
3.  Self-care each day (I know, this is sad, but I neglect my "outer shell" -- this is stuff like flossing, lotionning extremities, etc.)
4.  Lose 52 pounds (1 pound/week)
5.  Fruit for breakfast, veggies for lunch
6.  Eat consciously
7.  Read 6 classic novels (any one with thoughts on what I should read, please comment, I'm looking for books that EVERY american should read, or should have read in high school but promptly forgot)
8.  Read for Sunday lessons
9.  Read 6 church/self improvement books
10.  Learn how to deal with conflict without contention

Then, I came-up with a goal for each other "area" of my life, that I can help with.
P:  Play a game/read/song for 15 min/day (by next year we'll be well into lessons by this time)
S:  STOP the whining
C:  Help with organization
D:  Better co-parenting
Friends:  Invite one family over/month for dinner/dessert
Work: Remember each patient/Co-worker is a daughter of God

Voila.  I hope to revist them mothly, I think I may add them to my sidebar as well...

Holy Hilary Behind Batman

I know, it's really shocking.  Me, this far behind on the blog.  I did have to share some of our pictures though.  This one is of the day Santa packed our bags and sent us to Utah (I finally found our tiny camera, pretty fancy eh?).  Sadly, like most photos this one doesn't capture how excited the boys were.  Let's just say church was a loss.



Here's P and all her Christmas glory.  I loved her little jammies (there's reindeer on the feet, if you can see them, she has a matching one covering her bottom).  She loved ribbon, and I was so excited to FINALLY buy someone a doll.  She will love it, I am sure of it. :)



And, finally the boys in their Christmas jammies.  I love Spencer's, he also has a Woody set.


Thursday, January 14, 2010

Appreciative

One of my very best nurse friends lost her husband this past week.  I went to the funeral today.  I have to tell you, it was REALLY hard for me.  For several reason.

1.  I've never been to anything other than a Mormon funeral.  Believe me, I've been to a heck-o-lot o' those... but I actually came home and googled it last night after work, just to know what to expect.

2.  It was really different  Painfully different.  I can't really put into words how thankful I am for my own faith, my own faith family, and that I have a relationship with God that helps me through times.  I have a hard time with the incense, the decorations, the chairs, the readings, the singing.  It's hard to put it into words.  I hope that Grace recieved strength and peace from it.  I love her so.

3.  The worst part is how the whole thing revolved around praying for him.  I'm not exactly sure why he needs our prayers now.  I feel like he's faught the good fight and now it's over and he is at peace (her husband had a world of medical problems for about the last 4-5 years).  I don't get that.

4.  I was sad how they didn't talk about how God is there for her.  She is still fighting the fight.  I am going to compose a letter and bake her some bread.  In it, I'm going to include some thoughts from this blog entry where I talked about how Jesus knows all of our suffering.  He's not there just for the dying, he's there to help us live.  I love him, I know he loves Grace.  I hurt for her.  I know he can take that away... for both of us.  Everything I want to say to her sounds so hokey and contrived...  I know I can continue to pray for her, and pray for ideas on how to help her.

5.  I'm not a lover of ceremony.  I like genuine thoughts from the heart.  I have a feeling I'd have to get over that if I ever converted. 

As a side note, and a thought of how lucky I am... Drew's birthday is today.  I'm so thankful he's here in this earth with me and I am so grateful for him.  We even had lunch today.  That never happens.  And when I say never, I mean ever.  The stars aligned.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

A Year of Goals

My New Years Resolution started when we went to the Salt Lake Temple just after Christmas.  I had wanted to bring my kids up because the lights around the temple are amazing, but I knew that what I most wanted was to do an endowment session in the temple.  Drew and I were married in this temple (the day we were there, there were probably 70 weddings that day!).  To make it even more vague to all of you, the Salt Lake Temple endowment is done live, and in the other temples (except 1) it is done via video.  It's just a different way to learn, and I think anyone who knows me knows that I don't even go to movies becuase I am immediately fall asleep.  I was really excited to go back and learn what was important for us.  During the live endowment we travel room to room, starting in the Garden Room (the site I am linking to has pictures of each room -- while those who do not hold a temple recommend are not allowed in the temples once they are in use, prior to the dedication of the temple, all people are allowed to tour, and in this case the church releases pictures of the temple's rooms to the public).  It's so peaceful and beautiful.  Then, you travel to the telestial room (seen top right).  Initally when you sit down you think is also a fairly lovely room.  It has great artwork on the walls, the chairs are nice but then you look closer.  I'm not sure if you can see it, but the animals are all fighting.  Even the vegetation is fighting!  The trees roots are fighting for soil, the animals are fighting for who knows what reason.  I just felt so much contention in this room.  I realized that our house is similar to this.  There's yelling, crying, complaining, and heavens knows there's  great deal of whining along with ALL of that!  I knew then and there what my resolution was going to be.  We need to stop the fighting.  Of course, there will be conflict, but we need to learn how to deal with it in respectful ways so that we can keep happiness and peace in our home.  More on my resolutions later...

Of course, you continue through other rooms (they do portions of the endowment in each room, so you see a little part of the "play" and then move to another room).  It's amazing the spirit in each room.  How it changes!  After the telestial you go to the terrestrial room.  While in there I was trying to remember what the celestial room looked like.  Drew and I were about 2 hours early for our wedding, and we spent at least an hour of it in that room waiting for our moment to arrive.  As I sat there I thought that it was pretty similar to how the clestial room looked.  After all, the terrestrial room is quite beautiful.  It has ornate carvings on the pillars and amazing hand work of fruit and vegetation on the moldings.  It's lovely.  Then, we entered the celestial room.  I got tears to my eyes.  It is simily so much more beatiful and amazing than the terrestrial room.  I also remembered the sweet time that Drew and I spent there just waiting for our turn to come, to become an eternal family.  We've only been back inside that temple once since our marriage and it was just lovely to be there.

It also taught me a good lesson on the "kingdoms".  In short, LDS people believe you will be judged by God and sent to one of 3 kingdoms when you die.  The Telestial is the lowest kingdom, and then the terrestrial and then the celestial.  Sometimes as this world gets you down you think that the Terrestrial won't be so bad.  I mean, there will be plenty of good people who go there who do good things... but to realize what you will miss out on if you don't make the best of decisions.  Well, it makes me want to be better.

Here's some other pictures of the grounds around the temple.  It's actually called "Temple Square" as there are also a couple of visitor's center, the tabernacle (seen below, that's where the tabernacle choir gives its broadcasts), the conference center is across the street.  It is very large and where very large meetings are held (like general conference).  The grounds and beautiful and they do a lovely job decorating them for Christmas.  I was sad that my kids couldn't come see it, but Drew and I had a nice 10 minutes running around trying to soak it all in before we froze (or I broke my tailbone again).  I don't know how the pictures didn't capture it, but it was snowing pretty heavily that day.



Monday, January 11, 2010

Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow


One of the most exciting parts of going to UT for Christmas was that my kids would be able to see SNOW! We never get snow here so it is pretty darn exciting.  In fact, I was talking to an adult on the playground the other day who said she'd never seen it "snowing" in her life til' just this past Christmas. 

You forget how magical it is to watch it snow.  It does bring  atouch of "miracle" into your life.  So soft,and cold.  Did I mention cold?  Esp. since we don't have real "winter" gear for our family.  I brought the kids rainboots and then we used several pairs of socks each.  The snow was really powdery, and not so great for making snowmen.  My dad did come-up with the engenious idea of packing in a bucket and making it more like a sandcastle though.  You'll see the nice picture of me dragging Spencer around on a shovel because we didn't want to drive up to the snowhill (or, frankly, walk up the snow hill with our whiny kids -- it is a REALLY big hill).  It made for more snow-spirnkle fights, rather than snowBALL fights.  Either way, it was fun. 

I think Conner enjoyed it the most.  He really liked building stuff and knocking it down.  He sledded at lot in Idaho (because those grandparents have a self-respecting snow hill) even if he was almost to frostbite by the time he came in.  Either way we really enjoyed it.  I didn't enjoy driving in it.  I too quickly remember all the 4-way stop signs I slid through. All part of the Utah childhood.

Thursday, January 07, 2010

Phewesh, she didn't forget she has a baby.

This month, I thought I'd truly do a post on how far I've come.  I'm a girls clothes whore.  There.  I admit it.  I love flowers, and pink, and bows (although, not giant bows and NOT giant flowers... I have some morals, afterall).  Here is P in an outfit my friend Lara, who has five-million girls (ok, she doesn't have 5 million girls, but I hear she has enough clothes to outfit 5 million girls).  She sent me all of the pink things she could find at Children's Place.  You can't see it, but the T-shirt says "cut-a-licious"  Frankly, I don't know how Lara foresaw how cute my female child would be, but frankly -- she is cute-a-licious.



And of course, our usual "monthly" shot.  LOVE seeing how big she's getting, even when she still seems so little.  Today I threw her our old TV clicker and you'd think it was gold.  Darn it, why do they get bigger?


Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Happy Thing

While putting in both a washing machine AND a new furnace in ONE MONTH is less than happy, there was one very happy thing.
The whole trip to Utah...
all 24 + hour in the car.

MY TAILBONE DIDN'T HURT.

It was huge for me.  I'd even brought vicodin just in case, but I didn't even need an ounce of it (except for the ginormous headache I got after the temple -- just wait for that entry!).

I went back to my physical therapist who told me that my pelvic floor is back to "normal" and now I just need to do some gentle pilates-type exercises daily to try and strengthen all those muscles to keep it all tucked in and stregnthened.

I did ride on my Boppy (a breastfeeding pillow, leaving the opening in the rear), totally worked! 

Anyway, very happy.
Very, very happy about that.

Monday, January 04, 2010

Surprises

Alrighty,back to our trip.  I'm apoligize if I lied to you.  We've thought about going to UT/ID since before I went on maternity leave.  I was filling out my schedule at work and something just nagged at me that I shouldn't work -- that I we should drive to Utah for Christmas.  Totally insane, right?

Anyway, I talked it over with Drew and we both just felt strongly that it was something that we needed to do, but we'd just have to wait and watch over the weather.  Hence, we didn't want to tell the boys since something might fall through.

Come Sunday the 20th, I packed while they were at school the whole week beforehand.  Drew even had a concert at Christmas in the Park the night before but still I packed.  The kids woke-up to suitcases full and a giant card from Santa.  I'm really bummed I can't find my little camera to show you how cool Drew made it all look.  Needless to say they were surprised and excited to call the grandmas and grandpas about our coming.

There's just something about a surprise.  Something that you know that no one else does.  I think that's one of the funnest part of early pregnancy -- is having something that just you and your husband know.  I wish I could find my tiny camera so I could post a picture.  I'll keep my eyes open for it.  I wonder where I put it....

In other news our heater is coming today.  We decided to go with a super high effiicncy one because not only will it help our bills in the winter, but since the blower also does the a/c, that should be better also.  Also, Mr. Obama is giving a 30% tax credit on them through this year.  I decided I'd just take him up on that.  It's quite chilly here as of late.  I've been baking bread just to stay warm. :)

Saturday, January 02, 2010

Losing

Tomorow's me and Drew's big "weigh-in" for our weightloss battle.  Of course, we are fighting it together, and I am fully aware he will lose like an anorexic teenager in comparison to myself.

I have had a couple of people want to contribute to the other blog, and I think I've added all of you, but I'm not sure.  I love that some of you just want to comment, and that will be equally helpful.

Anway, I don't want to leave anyone out and I've been getting email on both my phone and checking it on various computers and I know I've probably forgotten someone so if that's the case, please comment or email me your email address.

{blowing you all kisses}

Everything is unpacked and Christmas is put away.  I'm practically euphoric.
Check me out.

Home

Shhhh... I've had a secret. in an attempt to thwart crime on our home
I don't publicize trips out of town... but we've been in Utah for the
past 2 weeks. More on that later.

Again, I am posting from my phone, but I just realized something. as
we were driving into the bay area, my heart gave it's "home" sigh. You
see, we weren't supposed to live here more than a couple of years and
most every time I have driven in with a heavy heart... missing our
prior home. I just don't this time. I am glad we went for the visit,
but this is our home now and I guess my heart knows it.

Also, I don't miss the plastic surgery billboards- what's up with that?

More on on the trip later, when I have a real alphaneumeric keyboard.
this whole typing with my thumbs thing stinks a lot.

Friday, January 01, 2010

2009 Top Ten

i've read a bunch of "year in review" blogs this AM & they bore me... so I'm trying to think of my top ten words (& I am holding myself to only one word each to make it more difficult). Here goes... (in no particular order)
1. P
2. Hospital
3. Diabetes
4. Appliances
5. Crowded
6. Coccyx
7. Overdue
8. Cancer
9. Lost
10. Stone/ed

Voila. if there are questions I will clarify.

I challenge you! Top 10 - 1 word each. GO!

Me, not perfect.

I know that title is a huge shocker to most of you, as I seem practically perfect upon initial viewing. :)

I've been reading a lot of new years resolutions blog entries today, & I've read a few about how they're not perfect, & only with Christ.... etc.

Problem is, I've never felt the urge to be more perfect... only just to try & be better. Honestly, I don't think perfection even enters my mind- impossible!

Anyway... I like goals & resolutions. Most of mine will center on my body. I feel a need to really take care of it & improve it. It's like I fell apart last year and now it's time to fix me. I will get back to with official ones. perhaps. :)

I typed this all on my phone. r u impressed?

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