TMI Tuesday: The Reality of Being Thin

I started my weight loss journey in 2008… I wasn’t getting pregnant and while I am not sure that was the cause I figured it couldn’t hurt.  Also, I had been working out steadily since 2004 with no real loss… so I knew I needed to take it to the next level.  That time I lost about 25 pounds, and then I DID get pregnant.

Fast forward to about 9 months after P was born (January 2010) and my weight is steadily increasing despite my attempts to not eat chocolate cake.  I was tired, I was overwhelmed with 3 kids, a job, a need for chocolate cake, and I turned to weight watchers, which had always made sense…

So, here I am March 2011… and I am within 10 pounds of not having my wii character turn into a little fat pumpkin when I weigh in.  I’m almost to a regular BMI. 

The reality is, I don’t feel all that different.  I still think I’m fat when I walk by a mirror.  I still think that my “saddle bags” are my worst feature.  I actually still don’t think I look that different.  I guess I look a little different, especially in my face from when I was 210 pounds.  Blech, I hate those pictures! 

I guess the truth is that I was REALLY unhappy when we moved here in 2001.  I didn’t have friends, and I didn’t make friends for quite some time, leaving me with a 1 year old, a husband that was never home and me working part time.  So, I gained.  But then my life started to normalize, I made friends, I became happy with who I was and where I was… but the weight didn’t go away.

I still inwardly moan when I have to get off the couch.  I still look at physical things thinking I can’t do them… but I’m sometimes surprised that I can. 

I just don’t feel all that different.

I need to go in for a physical to see what my blood work says, to see if I truly am healthier now.  Part of me doesn’t want to because I think it won’t be any better and that will be depressing.  That’s me, always looking for the bright side. :)

I claimed a blogspot for “weareallskinny.blogspot.com” and when do I use that?   I sure as heck don’t feel skinny now.  Will I in 10 pounds?  Unlikely.

My app on my phone says I still have another 26 pounds to go to be at a more ideal weight, less close to the fatty line.  Will I make it there?  Who knows…

Anyway, just a little reminder that you always need to be happy where you are because it’s not clear of who where you are going to be later will be any better. :)

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Comments

  1. says

    You DO look different – you look great. And you are definitely healthier, going to the dr. for confirmation is a good idea.

    I understand how you feel. I have not had that same feeling re: weight loss, but I have had the same feeling about other things. Like when we bought our first condo, and everyone was excited for us. No one could understand why I wasn’t totally excited. I felt like, ‘oh well, it is still not a house, like everyone else has. It doesn’t feel much different than an apartment, like what we used to live in.’ And then all our friends kept referring to our place as ‘your apartment,’ making it even worse. : )

    Hang in there. I’m feeling frustrated (about other stuff) too!

  2. says

    I really like this post and I think it’s so true. We do need to be happy no matter what size or age we might be… :) Life is too short! Enjoy it as much as possible. (Sometimes that’s easier said than done, but I know we should.)

    It sounds like you’ve made a LOT of progress! :) That’s awesome, you should be proud of your accomplishments no matter what the scales or blood tests say you are making a difference.

  3. says

    Popped over from the Casual Bloggers Community…so glad I did too! I appreciate your thoughts on weight loss and happiness. It seems there’s always “something” that keeps us from just being entirely “happy”–it’s up to us to keep perspective and express gratitude for the goodness in our lives. I think gratitude is best served with a slice of pie.

  4. says

    Thanks for this post. I feel so alone in my feelings and your words made me feel not as alone. I’ve lost 71 pounds and still look in the mirror and see my belly or my large hips. I wonder what’s wrong with me. I’m also struggling with being thin (crazy I know). I’ve never been thin. Ever. I don’t know how to deal with being able to feel in between my ribs, my breasts have become deflated balloons, I can feel and see bones I’ve never seen or felt before and it sort of creeps me out. I think I need to get counseling but don’t even know where to begin.
    Thanks for the reminder to try and be happy no matter where we are.

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