I started my weight loss journey in 2008… I wasn’t getting pregnant and while I am not sure that was the cause I figured it couldn’t hurt. Also, I had been working out steadily since 2004 with no real loss… so I knew I needed to take it to the next level. That time I lost about 25 pounds, and then I DID get pregnant.
Fast forward to about 9 months after P was born (January 2010) and my weight is steadily increasing despite my attempts to not eat chocolate cake. I was tired, I was overwhelmed with 3 kids, a job, a need for chocolate cake, and I turned to weight watchers, which had always made sense…
So, here I am March 2011… and I am within 10 pounds of not having my wii character turn into a little fat pumpkin when I weigh in. I’m almost to a regular BMI.
The reality is, I don’t feel all that different. I still think I’m fat when I walk by a mirror. I still think that my “saddle bags” are my worst feature. I actually still don’t think I look that different. I guess I look a little different, especially in my face from when I was 210 pounds. Blech, I hate those pictures!
I guess the truth is that I was REALLY unhappy when we moved here in 2001. I didn’t have friends, and I didn’t make friends for quite some time, leaving me with a 1 year old, a husband that was never home and me working part time. So, I gained. But then my life started to normalize, I made friends, I became happy with who I was and where I was… but the weight didn’t go away.
I still inwardly moan when I have to get off the couch. I still look at physical things thinking I can’t do them… but I’m sometimes surprised that I can.
I just don’t feel all that different.
I need to go in for a physical to see what my blood work says, to see if I truly am healthier now. Part of me doesn’t want to because I think it won’t be any better and that will be depressing. That’s me, always looking for the bright side.
I claimed a blogspot for “weareallskinny.blogspot.com” and when do I use that? I sure as heck don’t feel skinny now. Will I in 10 pounds? Unlikely.
My app on my phone says I still have another 26 pounds to go to be at a more ideal weight, less close to the fatty line. Will I make it there? Who knows…
Anyway, just a little reminder that you always need to be happy where you are because it’s not clear of who where you are going to be later will be any better.
Want to find more joy?
Pulling Curls is a blog for the overwhelmed to find more joy. Be it a laugh in something I share or tips for everyday life. Don't miss out!