I've really started to study my "trial". I mean, I kind of feel like I'm in the "when it rains it pours" area of my life as of late. My dad was diagnosed with cancer near Thanksgiving, I was told I was going to lose my job at Christmas, only to have that stretch til' Valentines day. Then, Drew's in March. Not to mention our computer, dishwasher, washing machine and stereo all going on the fritz at certain points during this time frame.
I'm just trying to keep up.
And I'm wondering what this all is for.
I've thought it was to build patience, and I think it may still be. I honestly do think I'm worse at patience then most people. I just don't tolerate waiting, for most anything. That's why I'm up at 5:30 to just get stuff done, including my workout, but also scripture study. I'm just an early bird kind of a gal.
Then, my friend wrote me an email about not stressing out.
And it kind of clicked. While I think patience is still something I need to work on, I think perhaps living life without stressing out might be even more important.
There are days where I am literally just willing my muscles to move through the motions. I sit and stare at our walls anxiously. As if that will solve anything. If only I could paint the walls that way...
This week I have vowed to get back to normal, and I think I've done fairly good at it. I'm trying to plan an activity every day that helps me either serve others or enjoy my friends. I'm trying to do lessons with P. I'm devoting a full hour of P's nap to actual work. Just trying to get stuff done. Stuff I've kind of put off lately that could really use getting done, and I'm devoting the other hour of her nap to enjoying a TV show and my lunch.
That isn't to say that I don't peruse a band director job board for a few minutes every day.
Because I think that fear and stress are sort of linked. I've been trying REALLY hard not to be afraid of what lies ahead for our family. Of course, sometimes I have visions/nightmares of what this could all come to. However, if I have faith I shouldn't fear. Hence, I shouldn't really be stressed. Sure, nerves will come as job deadlines approach but the stress that consumes my body needs to go.
And somehow, I am hoping if I learn how to do that the right job will come. Or at least I'll be happier during the search. Either way it's a win-win. Or a Nguyen-Nguyen.... if you're here. :)