Saturday, April 09, 2011

Will I crumble, will I lay down and die? No, not I.

I Will Survive (Original Version 1982)*** Somehow this post didn't post on the day I had it set to post.  Boo blogger, but lucky you. :)

Thank you Gloria Gaynor.  I needed you this AM.
I just dropped Conner off for science camp.  I hadn't really felt any emotions about this.  I knew it'd be work to amp up to it, all the packing and talking it over... but it was harder then I imagined.  I worry about him.  I had serious homesickness even at slumber parties when I was little... I am sure that Conner is about 1,000 times more confident then I was, but still... I worry.

As I came home, I trapped P in her chair with a banana and tried to get a few things done.  I had my phone with me and Owl City came on and somehow it just made me cry.  Not as if I need a reason to cry anymore... but I just felt like there was just too much on me this morning.  I like getting people's input on our job situation, but sometimes it's just too much as I talk to them.  This job search, also, isn't my own so I feel extra angst about it -- somehow MORE angst, because I'm trying to be hands off as much as possible.

Anyway, then Gloria came on with her song of survival... and it's just what I needed.  As I wiped the counters to the upbeat tune I realized this isn't breaking me.  And I will survive whatever comes.  In retrospect Drew's job hunt would affect C the most of all the kids.  He listens with interest when we talk about places we might go.  Plus, how great to have a week with your friends before an impending departure? I'm excited for him.  I bet he will have a great time.

Plus, one less kid.  I mean, who will S fight with this week?  It will be interesting if he starts yelling at the furniture... :) 

I am actually glad that I have competencies at work this afternoon.  Something to take my mind off what's here with me.  I mean, who would've thought I'd ever say that?  Not I, not I at all.

In other news, I played personal responsibility jeopardy last night for FHE (btw, once we made flannel boards at RS and then I cut out a bunch of rectangles and sharpi-ed $ amounts on them to make a jeopardy game, it was genius of me, I need it use it more often, the kids love it!).  I guess I was feeling the weight of having him make his own choices this week.  The kid knows all the right answers.  He knows how to have a personal liahona.  I'm so proud of him.  Spencer too.  My kids know how to make good choices.  I just hope that knowledge helps out a bit... like, around the fire. :)

Just livn' on a prayer people. :)

1 comment:

  1. I hope that you can find a little peace soon Hill. I know how hard it is to always feel like life is in turmoil and what it does inside.

    Remember that the Lord loves you and everything will work out exactly as it should!



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