Tragic Tuesdays: Denial and Isolation

TragedyWe had a lesson about trials on Sunday.  I sat there thinking about my latest trial… which has probably been my largest so far.  When I think of it, it’s not that big of a deal.  We’re all here, we both have jobs… but our life is SO different.  I do feel like the old me has died.  Along with all my old friends. 

Anyway, I was thinking about how the stages of grief can relate to many things.  They teach us in nursing school that parents who have a sick child also go through the stages of grief — grieving the child they had envisioned that was healthy and strong.

I am not unaware of the stages of grief.  I’ve had a lot of family members die and I’m sure there are more to come.  I have also helped moms with stillborns. 

But, I think it’s interesting to relate those stages of grief to other events.  And maybe think about how you are processing the event.

Denial: A Memoir of TerrorThe first stage is denial.  No, it’s not just a river in Egypt.

For me, this time… I actually didn’t spend too long in denial.  I think in part this was in thanks to our Heavenly Father who changed my heart for me.  I think I easily could’ve spent a month in this stage.  However, I did isolate a lot because I didn’t want to think about ALL that we would be leaving behind.  I didn’t want to talk to friends or go places because I didn’t want to attach or talk about it, or have people ask me questions.  It’s rare that I make the decision to not be social.  But this was one of the times.

I actually hadn’t thought that it was part of the denial phase, but it makes sense.  You just want to be alone, because when you’re alone it’s just not something you have to think about.

I had a lot of friends just show-up during this point.  They’d call.  They’d just say they were thinking about us.  They’d say what a great band director Drew was and that they were sure he’d find a new job.  They buoyed me up.  But, frankly — the biggest part was just reaching out at this point.  And nothing crazy obtrusive — an email, a quick phone call.  I knew who the real friends were…

So, what’s a tragic situation you had.  Did you have denial and isolation?  Did someone help you in a great way?

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Comments

  1. says

    Hilary,
    I’m sorry it’s so hard to move. I have moved more times in my life than I’d like to count…big across-country-uproot-everything kind of moves. I really know how hard it is. Grief is a part of it. (I have also had a stillborn child…God bless you for being a nurse that helps mothers through that birth. Truly.)

    But I hope you know how thrilled we are in our ward to have your family. And I’m very glad to have met you. I feel like we have a great friendship ahead of us!

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