Mormon in America: Chastity

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I got married here:

Amazing, no?

I remember when the olympics were in SLC I had a lot of comments of non-LDS friends saying how lovely that temple is.  Then, I’d say “I got married there.” and their jaw would drop and they’d ask me how much it cost to get married there.

“It was free.” {long pause}”I just couldn’t have sex before I got married.”

{also, i think most people figure that’s a giant cathedral type buildling but it’s split into several levels…. there are a few large rooms, but most are smaller, just so’s you know’s}

Anyway, it’s true.  I got married as a virgin.  I didn’t even do anything “like” it — unless you call kissing “like” it — because I don’t.

Drew and I have practically made a sport of watching high schooler’s lives.  We have seen many ways in which the gospel helps.  The strength of the youth pamphlet says this:

Physical intimacy between husband and wife is beautiful and sacred. It is ordained of God for the creation of children and for the expression of love between husband and wife. God has commanded that sexual intimacy be reserved for marriage.

When you are sexually pure, you prepare yourself to make and keep sacred covenants in the temple. You prepare yourself to build a strong marriage and to bring children into the world as part of an eternal and loving family. You protect yourself from the spiritual and emotional damage that come from sharing sexual intimacy outside of marriage. You also protect yourself from harmful diseases. Remaining sexually pure helps you to be confident and truly happy and improves your ability to make good decisions now and in the future.
The Lord’s standard regarding sexual purity is clear and unchanging. Do not have any sexual relations before marriage, and be completely faithful to your spouse after marriage. Do not allow the media, your peers, or others to persuade you that sexual intimacy before marriage is acceptable. It is not. In God’s sight, sexual sins are extremely serious. They defile the sacred power God has given us to create life. The prophet Alma taught that sexual sins are more serious than any other sins except murder or denying the Holy Ghost (see Alma 39:5).

It’s pretty clear, isn’t it:?  Are you that clear with your kids?  Maybe you don’t want them to be abstinent, but we have seen COUNTLESS teenagers hurt by early sexual relations.  End of story.  The truth is that high school students aren’t ready to have sex.  They mentally can’t take it when the other person leaves them, or gives them a “special gift” (be it a baby or an STD), or is having sex with several people.  Their hearts just aren’t ready (although frankly, I’m not sure anyone’s heart is ready to be tromped on by inconsiderate genital brains).  I know what it’s like to have a broken heart and how much it hurts.  It’s painful, and it’s likely to happen, but sex just adds an extra layer of pain, and that layer of pain takes you away from the joy of high school.  Enjoying time with lots of different friends doing many things and finding your niche.

I haven’t made a sport of watching college students, but I know plenty of girls who wish they hadn’t been as “active” as they were.  STD’s can come back to haunt you later in life.  I know several doctors, who if you’ve ever had herpes just c-section you.

Not to mention the fact that you are so crazy fertile at that age.

Honestly, I think 16 is the age we were meant, physically, to start having kids.  Certainly, those girls (especially now a days) aren’t mature enough to keep a puppy alive, but their bodies can push out a baby like nobody’s business. :)  Just an aside.

But, back to chastity.  I do think it’s encompasses a lot more then sex.  I think a chaste girl just acts in a way that doesn’t draw attention to the sexual part of her.  That isn’t to say that part isn’t important, because hopefully she will utilize it often once she is married {snort, that sentence makes me giggle}.  That means in the way she dresses, the media she chooses to watch or listen to.  It is the “whole” girl.  A virtuous woman, if you will.

I also think that remaining chaste makes us get married earlier, and while you may have lots of view on that opinion I am constantly seeing news stories saying that children born to younger couples (and I am talking less then advanced maternal age here — which is 35) are less likely for mutations, be it autism, trisomy 21 or 18, etc.  If you aren’t gettin’ the milk for free, you’re likely to buy the cow. {wink, wink}

Anyway, I think that if your viewpoint is that your children should be able to have sex once they find someone they “love” you need to re-think that plan.  You need to voice your opinion often and loudly.  So often your kids roll their eyes and mimic your speech along with you.  I just hope that speech comes back to their head at the right time…

Pulling Curls blog by Hilary EricksonCheck out Hilary's Most Popular Posts ~ Learn more About Hilary

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  1. says

    Totally agree. Have you read the book by the Eyre’s about how to talk to your child about sex? They recommend starting to talk about it at 8 and then refreshing ideas/beliefs, asking questions, etc. continually after that. I thought it was a really well written book with lots of good information.

    I think a lot of the time parents are scared/uncomfortable about having that talk, so they just don’t. And then the kid is just learning from others at school, and that’s never a good idea.

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