Can You Really Go Home Again?

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Our paper chain to show P how long til’ we
get on the plane to see Noona.

Do you remember over the summer when we were in Utah and I was caught off guard when people would ask me where I’m from?

Because in my mind, I still live in California.  Over a year later I sometimes step into my garage and think it’s amusing that I live in Arizona now.  Sometimes I can’t really wrap my head around it.

We are headed back to the Bay Area in a few weeks.  The kids (especially P) are getting really excited for it.  We’re thinking of cheap fun things to do while we’re there and all the people we want to see and hug, and hang out with.

I’ve been talking to friends from there that I don’t usually talk to.  I mean, I talk to them, but not frequently and as we’ve discussed where their kids are at or whatever I’m taken aback.  She’s in JR HIGH?  How on EARTH is your child in JUNIOR HIGH?  I mean, it’s obvious to me that my kids have grown up…

but somehow life went on there too.

And I’m not sure I’m ready to face that fact.  I kind of feel like it froze when we left.  Things are just the same, but they’re not.

And how do I prepare to face that?

This isn’t even just about Roddy, although that’s some of it.  I’m just not sure I’m ready to re-visit and then leave again.  It was incredibly painful to leave.  I cried for a good hour in the car.  I didn’t have a lot of time to really take in all the things that were happening, and then all the sudden we were gone.

I remember my friend Angi saying that I needed to experience California so that I didn’t have regrets when I left.

And while I experienced plenty while we lived there I am just nervous for our return trip.

Nervous and excited.

Are you excited?

Do you have any idea what I’m talking about, or do you think I am crazy? Wait, don’t answer that. :)

**And some of this may be me nervous to fly.  Anyone remember how much I hate to fly?  {Got is in charge, don’t jump off the plane}

**In other news I apparently have no idea where many of my friends live.  I was sending a quick email to my close CA friends just saying that we were coming and I needed a ride from the airport… and I was going through my facebook list and I’d think — Oh, send it to her!  ERRR… that friend lives in Arizona.  I really am lucky to have SO many great friends, especially with such a crazy mind as I have. :)

I am for real about wanting advice though, how did you feel when you “went home”?

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  1. says

    I hope you have fun in California — that would be hard a bit to go back, but fun to see people too.

    We moved this summer just within our city and leaving my neighborhood just about did me in so I can’t imagine how hard it would be to move to an entirely different state!

    PS I also HATE HATE HATE flying!!! Hang in there :) Chocolate therapy?

  2. says

    I think you’re right, and you cannot really go back home. Because as it turns out, it’s not home anymore. That can be a good thing though. A great way to get that final closure when you visit and find your self ready to leave, to go home. Some other people have left, some people grew, some people will seem exactly the same. The hardest thing about “going back home” for me has always been the fact that other people are not usually as excited to hang out all day with me as I am with them. Fitting them all in to my trip because I can’t wait to see them, when they will try their best to fit me into their day, but they aren’t on vacation and have life to get to. Make sense?
    FYI, I don’t have a life. I’m totally looking forward to seeing you and catching up and showing you my not-so-tiny baby.
    Also, almost every plane makes it to is destination just fine! :-)

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