I’m on call, again, third time this week. On a brighter note, I earn $2.50/hour to clean my house.
On a less bright note, that’s about 30 bucks less then I was hoping to earn.
Part of me started to freak out last night. I mean, as much as you can SAY that God always watches out for you, takes care of you and all that jazz… sometimes it’s hard to live it.
Sometimes I forget.
I’m awfully good at reminding other people. I know it’s true, I’ve seen it a MILLION times. I’ve been pretty cool with it, feeling like I should just enjoy my time at home, but right now we’re starting to eat into our savings more then I had hoped to. Between Drew’s tuition we’ve paid out of pocket, along with the new A/C and all that jazz. It’s been a rough year.
So, I talked to the amazing Lara last night (actually we texted). We’re both good at reminding each other that God puts us where we need to be. Both of us have jobs that are kind of on and off and we’ve both had testimonies that god always puts us where we need to be.
Last night she asked me if there was a reason I was at home so much, something I needed to be there for, and have I looked for it.
As I sunk to my knees to figure out my life I wondered what that reason was for.
I still don’t know it. I most often never do. My kids need me the most, that’s the honest truth.
The other truth is that Drew is dealing with a brand new program with a lot of the ups and downs that go with that, and perhaps he doesn’t need the added stress of me being gone a lot on top of what he already has.
Maybe this is my season to be his helpmeet.
And frankly, I’m not all that great about it. I’m at home, I’m running this house almost entirely on my own. I’m clearing drains, I’m gardening, I’m disciplining kids, all on my own. Frankly, he hasn’t been home much in the last year. Besides when I was working like crazy and we were getting ready to move.
Anyway, I need to find my niche right now. And I need to not be so bitter that he’s not pulling his part. Because, he’s not. He doesn’t need to. I am not insanely busy right now. That’s the truth.
How do you find joy in that niche? It’s not one that I find myself in frequently. We tend to both pull pretty hard around here…