By: Pulling Curls

Pulling Curls — Wed, 09 Aug 2023 22:53:24 +0000

In reply to Courtney. I'm sorry that you're dealing with that. I say start today, the past is the past and everyone can make changes if they feel they should :)

By: Courtney

Courtney — Wed, 09 Aug 2023 14:03:49 +0000

My kids tell me they hate me daily. I’ve ended up doing a lot of your things you say to avoid more than once over 9 years of this. How do we recover from the times I wasn’t able to act like the adult.

By: Hilary Erickson

Hilary Erickson — Thu, 28 Feb 2019 21:36:09 +0000

In reply to Jess Q.. Haha, it can be SUPER emotional for them to be so mean!

By: Jess Q.

Jess Q. — Wed, 27 Feb 2019 03:43:23 +0000

I’m a mother of 5; my daughter is going to be 25 this year, then my three boys which are on their way soon to 24, 21 and 15. And then there’s the oops, I thought I took my pill baby, now 7, who happens to be the princess of our castle and purely from head to toe, Daddy’s girl.
My oldest daughter at the age of 15, and I’m sure many can relate had done something related to breaking the rules. I cannot remember exactly what it was but I know it was a Doosey because her consequence was taking her phone away. HER PHONE! HER OXYGEN! HER LIFELINE!! HER REASON FOR GETTING UP IN THE MORNING!! IN FACT HER ONLY MEANS OF SURVIVAL!!!! I asked her for her phone and it was a bit of a disagreement and a few no’s thrown in there until I approached her and looked down at her, when I was able to because now she is taller than me but that’s really not say much when your 5’1. I finally was able to get her phone, refusing to struggle but waiting for her to hand it over. And just as she did and turned away she spat out those three words, ones I had never EVER heard any of my children tell me, the ones I honestly believe were not listed in the child to parent manual. I never thought I would ever here my babies tell me those words. But the minute I did I felt my heart sink to the floor as it skipped a beat, my eyes began to swell up with tears, and for the first time in my life I was utterly soeachless and dumbfounded. I couldn’t find the words to reiterate back much less lift my feet from what seemed to have become super glue under my shoes. I watched her walk down the street in the need to blow off steam and then my husband, being 6’3 and 100% USDA muscle, scooped me up as though I was a feather and just held me without a word. He knew the devastating I was going to feel.
We went inside and sat where my mom was visiting at the time and through the tears and the 2 yr old stuttering from crying so hard I told her what had just happened. She began to smile. And I became angry. I asked what she was smiling about because this was not one of those moments as a mother I want to cherish in my soul and remember always. She grabbed my hand and told me to just breathe, catch my breathe, wipe my tears away because there is no reason to cry. No reason to cry? My beautiful -5 yr old just told me, ME! that she hated me!!! There is absolutely nothing to smile or be happy about. I was a failure as a mother. I have made my daughter hate me. My life was ruined! It would never be the same ever again!! So my mom then proceeded to ask me that during my teenage years, was there ever a time that I hated her or I wanted to run away or maybe thought being on the streets was better than being around her. I sat there and thought about it for a bit. And I recollected my junior senior prom, how I was the ONLY GIRL IN THE ENTIRE SCHOOL! that had to be home by 10pm. Grant it, it wasn’t my senior prom, it was my dates prom who was a senior. Everyone at the prom kept poking and prodding at me because my mommy said o had to be home at 10. Half the seniors don’t even show up to the prom till 10!!!! Then there’s always the after party where everybody that is anybody would be attending. I was a cheerleader at that time and expected to be there with my squad because almost all of them were seniors and this was our last one we would all be together at a party. None of that mad a difference to my mom. She was extremely, over the top, strict to the point of embarrassment. And when the priest of our parish at our high school calls my mom himself and asks her to come in for council in regards to this matter, my mom didn’t respectfully decline. She told our priest “HELL NO FATHER”. I am not changing my moral compass because it is a different decade and life gas modernized with time. I was so embarrassed. And I remembered during that couple weeks period, how much I despised her. I was humiliated, embarrased, belittled, treated like a toddler. I was an honor roll student! I felt I earned it! But nope!!! There was no budging her. And I’m sure, under my breathe, never ever to her face, I might of reiterates those same words my daughter said to me, only I didn’t dare tell my mother that. I was deathly afraid of her. And for a woman shorter than me, boy she was swift with her tongue and grease lightning with her hands.
Back to the present, she told me that there is a time in almost every child’s life where they hate one of or even both their parents. They may not say it but they feel it like a fire brewing in your gut, growing and growing and growing until some of us explode like volcanos. I was to afraid of the repercussions of my words to do so myself. As I’m sharing all of this with her she chimes in and says to me one of the most profound , one of I believe the biggest if not the biggest stepping stone a parent can stand on. She tells me, “ if there comes a time when your child or children tell you that they hate you, well all that means is your doing a damn good job st being a parent. You cannot do your job correctly without at some point just pushing your kids off, creating a rage inside them, making them feel some sort of regret for being stuck with you. Of course they do not mean it. Kids at that age love for the moment, they are just iearning that there are consequences to their actions. And even though you never told me you hated me,I was at times able to feel the heat inside you broiling and getting ready to explode. And at that very moment, I knew, without hearing the words, that as a mother I was doing my job. We are not perfect and at times we make mistakes in judgement ourselves which comes across as though we don’t trust our children. We do trust them, but we do not trust the rest of the world with them, not just yet. So ,when you feel that heat booming inside them, the hate in their eyes, with or without hearing the words , be proud and give yourself a pat on the back. Because unless your kids find a moment in time where they hate you, well then you just not doing your job right.

I still struggle with her idea behind her method of thinking. I’m just so grateful I’ve never had to face that situation again. Knock on wood, I still have two more to get through those horrible teen tears. Uuugggg. It’s gonna be a ride! .

By: Hilary Erickson

Hilary Erickson — Fri, 13 Jul 2018 18:01:33 +0000

In reply to Stephanie, One Caring Mom. Great way to look at it. :)

By: Stephanie, One Caring Mom

Stephanie, One Caring Mom — Mon, 09 Jul 2018 00:26:23 +0000

Yes!!! I love this article. The first time I heard those words I was beyond upset but I know that my own anger triggered them. I hear them on occasion and -thankfully- find it easier to move on each time.

Comments on: Why My Kids Hate Me: And why that’s ok

By: Pulling Curls

By: Courtney

By: Hilary Erickson

By: Jess Q.

By: Hilary Erickson

By: Stephanie, One Caring Mom