In case we haven’t met yet, I’m Hilary — the curly head here at Pulling Curls®, but lots of you also know me as The Pregnancy Nurse® — I’ve seen a LOT of hospital bags, including packing 3 of my own, so I am an expert on this one!

Portable Fan

Every hospital is SO different. Some have absolutely great air flow and good A/C and some of them really struggle (especially here in Phoenix on extra hot days). Having a portable fan can be a lifesaver. Now there’s a few options:

Don’t discount a hand fan — these can often bring the best airflow, they’re super portable — and honestly your partner can fan you (and frankly — you deserve it!). I’ve definitely used various things to fan a patient in labor.

You can also use a handheld one like this. These are great for brief needs.

But, my favorite is a chargeable one like this. You can clip it to your siderail and have it blow right in your face when you need it — leaving everyone else free to tend to other needs. Honestly, I love ours like this. I’ve taken it camping, and on cruises. It’s a handy thing to have on hand either way.

Pro Tip: SOME hospitals have small fans in the room — it’s smart to ask if this is something they have and can provide, or if bringing your own would be smart. I love a hospital tour!

These can be handy both in labor, but also postpartum. You can often have what feels like hot flashes as your body is trying to get rid of all the extra fluids you’ve been carrying around, and a fan can feel great!

Looking for more labor tips? — be sure to check out these posts:

• How Your Partner Can Support a Happier Pregnancy
• Best Birth Class for a Natural Hospital Birth
• What if My Water Breaks in Public?
• What to Do in Early Labor (Before You Go to the Hospital)
• Worried About Birth, but Don’t Have a Lot of Time to Prep?

Washable Footwear

The hospital will (or should) provide some grippy socks that you can wear as you walk from the bed to your bathroom. The floor can get slippery with all the fluids in the room (believe me) — so, these are great. But honestly, they’re cheap and I find they often get stretched out or twisted on patient’s feet.

They can be super annoying.

Also, as you heat up during labor (or postpartum) the idea of something on your feet is NOT appealing to a lot of people.

I’m a big fan of a pair of flip flops or crocs that you can wear into the restroom (and possibly also to shower).

Personally, cheap flip flops aren’t my favorite, and I’d still want ones that I’m not married to — so something like this would be my choice.

What’s important in footwear:

• They could get dirty — like really dirty. You’ll want something that you can either toss, or clean off with soap and water.
• Don’t wear a favorite — got favorite socks? Don’t bring them. I’ve tossed more pairs of patient’s socks than I’m happy to report.
• Gravity is their nemesis. Fluids just flow down and often land on slippers, socks, or whatever you think is smart to bring — so see #1 on this list.

Too often I had patients trying to wear their outside shoes — it was just sad, so grab some cheap flipflops or crocs to put in your hospital bag.

Labor Movement Cards

Just like any big test — you get to the big moment and suddenly everything you ever learned about Shakespeare is just gone. You had all these ideas about how to move in labor, and incorporate movement in your labor — but you have no idea what those were, now that you’re gone.

Which is why labor movement cards are the win >> Just some little reminders on ways you could move to help labor progress. I’m a big fan of them.

It’s just so easy to forget about things that you KNOW are important when you get into the unknown environment in the hospital. That’s why I love little things like that!

Want to feel truly ready for the big day? My Online Prenatal Class for Couples covers everything from what to pack to what to expect once you get there.

No more forgetting the important parts because you’re both on the same page and it all comes naturally!

What did you bring to the hospital that you loved? Tell us in the comments!

The post 3 Things You Might Not Think to Bring to the Hospital but Will Want appeared first on Pulling Curls.

And this is seeing thousands of couples come through my delivery rooms, talking to millions of you online and also having 3 babies of my own (and a marriage that is headed to it’s 30 year mark). I think these are simple things that they can do that show they care and that can go a long way to make you happier.

Go to Appointments (or chat about them)

Prenatal appointments can be a huge chore. They can also feel useless as you trudge into the office only to find out that “everything is fine” and go on your way (honestly, best-case scenario — but I get that can feel like a waste of time).

Having a buddy come along can make it all a little more tolerable (think: lunch or dinner afterwards?). Plus they can sometimes see the magic of a prenatal appointment that you just can’t.

You’re growing that human inside of you, but they only get to see the after effects and that is on full presentation at those prenatal check ups.

Now, I know not every family can swing schedules where you can both go. So, chatting about them afterwards, about how you felt at it and what you learned — and maybe even some time to vent about what a waste of time they feel like can be a win.

Another one might be going to the glucose test with you. It’s honestly just a miserable affair… a long, boring, often yucky-feeling time. Having a chauffer and buddy at it would feel awfully nice.

Note: Coming to appointments is a great start — but understanding what’s ahead makes an even bigger difference. Preparing together helps both of you feel more confident, less anxious, and ready for what’s coming.

I should also say that my husband maybe came to one or two appointments with me in all the 3 kids. He was a teacher, and we needed to save sick days. It just wasn’t possible, but he was interested, and he did meet my doctor early on at an appointment. That’s why I gave a few ideas, because I know these won’t work for everyone!

Remind You How Amazing You Are

You are literally growing another human being inside of you!

Honestly, when you step back you realize that it is TRULY amazing.

But when you’re the one doing it a lot of times you just see how they’re starting to take over your body as their own. You sometimes need a different perspective that they can give!

I feel like pregnancy can feel lonely — where this job is one you’re basically doing alone. Having them fan-boy’ing over all the work you’re doing can be helpful. They shouldn’t be shy with compliments!

Looking for more ideas for partners? — be sure to check out these posts:

• How to Be a Supportive Husband and Partner During Pregnancy
• What To Do About A Selfish Husband During Pregnancy?
• What to Do If Your Girlfriend is Pregnant
• Dealing with an Unsupportive Husband During Pregnancy: Insensitive partners
• My Boyfriend Says I Feel Different Inside During Pregnancy

Get Prepared With You

Preparing for birth isn’t something you have to figure out alone — and it makes a big difference when you don’t.

This isn’t to say that if your partner isn’t interested in birth prep that they’re not a good one. You may need to let them know that’s what you want. I mean, most often our bodies are our own business but in labor it’s different. You’re bringing this baby home together!

Many couples go into labor feeling unsure of what to expect, which can lead to anxiety, confusion, and second-guessing in the moment. But when you take the time to prepare together, you both start to understand how labor typically unfolds, what your options are, and how to handle the moments that might otherwise catch you off guard.

That shared understanding helps you feel more confident, less overwhelmed, and better able to make informed decisions as things happen.

Being mindful to pick a class that includes them is smart. Many classes leave partners in the dust and only talk to “mamma” — and I just disagree with that fundamentally.

It also changes how you support each other. Most partners want to help, but don’t always know what to do — and that uncertainty can add stress for both of you.

When you’ve learned together ahead of time, you’re on the same page, speaking the same language, and working as a team instead of trying to figure it out in real time. That’s what helps labor feel calmer, more connected, and more manageable.

Real preparation isn’t about knowing everything — it’s about feeling ready, informed, and supported no matter how your birth unfolds.

If you want to feel more prepared, less anxious, and truly confident going into labor, the best thing you can do is learn together. Inside The Online Prenatal Class for Couples, you’ll both understand what to expect, your options, and how to support each other — so you’re not figuring it out in the moment.

Fill Your Water Bottle

This is a little one, but water can make a huge difference in how you feel during pregnancy.

That one habit of filling it every morning can put you on a path to drinking it.

Honestly, if I don’t fill my water cup, I think my intake is about half of what it would be if I did. Which is sad, but true.

Small, simple gestures like this can go a long way. Plus, when they get in a habit like this it can also help your breastfeeding journey. It’s just a simple thing that can truly help.

Looking for more about hydration in pregnancy? — be sure to check out these posts:

• Can Women Drink Gatorade During Pregnancy? Can it prevent dehydration safely?
• Dehydration During Pregnancy: The importance of hydration while growing a human.
• When Should I Start Drinking Raspberry Leaf Tea?
• Drinks for Pregnant Women: What are the best drinks during pregnancy?
• Can You Drink Wine When You’re Pregnant: The studies for pregnant women

Prepare for AFTER Baby is Born

Note: I didn’t say prepare for baby — I’m talking about preparing for postpartum. A good partner will remember that you’re going to need some TLC along with managing a new baby — so they’ll work to prepare a good place to come home to.

Yes, that includes building the crib, but also things like making sure your bathroom is clean, that your pads are easy to grab.

BTW, there’s a few things you’ll want to have on hand — I have a postpartum checklist to help with that:

And, one of my favorites — installing a Bidet (that post is about the Tushy but there’s lots of brands out there anymore — it will give you an idea of how it can help)!

I loved my cold peri bottle after every baby… a bidet would have been SO nice! They’re not very expensive, can be grabbed at your local home improvement store, and are pretty easy to install!

This isn’t to say that they shouldn’t help you in getting all the things you need for baby — I have a no-fluff checklist here:

BUT there’s more to prepare for just baby.

You really will need some TLC when you get home, and it’s easy to think you’re young and you’ll bounce back fast, but often you don’t — so them being aware they’re on “taking care of you” duty too is smart.

Supporting mom after birth is just as important as caring for baby — and knowing what to expect makes all the difference. Inside The Online Prenatal Class for Couples, you’ll both learn how to feel prepared, confident, and ready for those early postpartum days (something, SO many people do — including me before I was The Pregnancy Nurse®).

What did I miss? What is YOUR partner doing to help you have a happier pregnancy? Tell me in the comments!

The post How Your Partner Can Support a Happier Pregnancy appeared first on Pulling Curls.

Before we get started — why take this from me? Hello, I’m Hilary, the curly head here at Pulling Curls®. I’m also the curly head behind the website The Pregnancy Nurse®. I’ve been a nurse since 1997 and I have 20 years of labor and delivery experience.

During that time, I’ve seen thousands of moms labor, in many different ways, but I’ve seen what preparation actually prepared them to get a positive birth experience. I’ve also had 3 kids of my own, and know how your hopes and dreams can be really different than what the hospital offers.

I’m super glad you’re here, because this is a really important topic.

What is “Natural” Hospital Birth

This is tricky because we’re clearly not going to be giving birth in a wooded forrest floor, and not even in our own home in our own bed.

If you’re here, you’re likely planning on a hospital birth — which unfortunately doesn’t always look particularly “natural”. That makes me sad. I do know that the hospital hurts a few of our natural insticts, which I don’t love.

Personally, I do believe that it is the safest way to give birth, but I do believe that there are ways to get it to look more like what you’re hoping for.

However, in my 20 years of experience, it’s much beyond breathing and not getting an epidural. There’s more to it — so lets talk about.

Why a Natural Birth?

Honestly, this is up to you. Hopefully you’ve considered a birth plan (grab my free series here):

And in that, you’ve decided what “natural” means to you. Most often I hear it meaning:

• No induction – you go into labor on your own.
• No epidural – you rely on other methods
• No medical pain management – only natural methods

But honestly, everyone has their own ideas about what a “natural” birth will look like. Some mean delivering in a tub, or with zero interference from the hospital staff. There’s a whole spectrum of “natural” (which is why it’s important to use a birth plan to share what you want for your birth!).

Whatever type of birth you’re hoping for, doing a birth plan and discussing it with your doctor or midwife ASAP is smart. Some of the things (for instance, a tub birth) can’t be accommodated by all facilities. So, that’s good to know (and possibly change expectations or facilities).

I once saw a birth educator say you could “tell” your hospital you are bringing in a portable tub but I’m here to say that might not be the case. The hospital may not be able to take the load of the extra water on their floors, not to mention the risk of flooding. Be really mindful about who you’re listening to and if their recommendations are truly realistic. A LOT of people online give unrealistic expectations to get attention (and followers) on social media, but that’s not helping you out long-term.

So, my question for you — why do you want a natural birth, what does it mean to you? What are you hoping for? Tell us down in the comments! I think we could have a good conversation there!

Best Class for a Natural Birth

I agree that preparation is the key to a “natural” hospital birth — no matter what that means to you.

I also agree that the hospital doesn’t do a lot of “natural” things. I mean, that’s one of the best things about it. Natural doesn’t always mean safest. That’s probably why you have chosen a hospital birth team.

Cliff Notes: I recommend this class << I think it’s the best to truly prepare you.

So, what should a birth class include to help you have a natural hospital birth? Let’s talk about it….

Practice Natural Pain Management Techniques

It’s true, you want to learn some natural pain management techniques. It should include:

• Breathing — it is a powerful tool to help your body relax to help your baby descend into your birth canal
• Positioning — movement is a very powerful tool in birth (no matter “how” you hope to birth — even if you have an epidural)
• Other pain management techniques including heat, massage, etc

I really do think these are important, but I think a lot of people have boiled birth class down to just this.

Honestly, I think providers loved that this was the only way people prepared to have their baby. It made their job of “telling” you what to do about the rest of the birth easy on them.

Pain management is important, but is just one of the keys to getting a natural hospital birth (and honestly, probably the easiest one to teach).

Basic Physiology of Birth

I do see a lot of “natural” classes who focus a lot on this. But honestly, what you need to know can be taught very quickly.

I actually share one of the best tips about this in this post on birth stages:

While this can help to know what to expect, you should also be surrounded by experts who can tell you where you are on this path. And, the bad news is that our bodies don’t always listen to the “physiology” or go according to plan.

And then we have to….

Learn about Possible Hospital Interventions

This is where a lot of “natural” birth classes simply tell you to say no to these, “unless it’s an emergency.”

But, I think that you and I can go both agree that we’d prefer not to let things get to an emergency before we’re dealing with them.

If you see a leak in your shower, are you going to wait until it looks like it’s going to collapse into the floor beneath it at your house before you even call a plumber? Probably not….

Same goes for the hospital.

It’s important to learn about what the hospital might offer, what it looks like and how it can be used to help your birth be safer (because yes, these things do truly make things safer).

Things like:

• Breaking your bag of waters
• Using the IV
• An epidural to help labor progress (shocking that a “natural” class should also share how an epidural can help — but it’s true!)
• Inductions (there are SO many inductions lately, and it’s not just because people are “lazy” — I’ll have more of that in the next section)
• Cesarean birth (yup, you should know something about that too).

I think a lot of birth classes tend to take the idea that if you don’t think about it, it won’t happen.

And that head in the sand approach, my friend, causes birth trauma. It doesn’t lead to better birth outcomes. In fact, taking classes that inform you of these less aesthetically pleasing parts of birth really do improve outcomes. I talk about the studies in here.

Don’t get me started on classes that say “get your perfect birth” because no one can sell you that, but it sure gets clicks on Facebook ads. It’s a real red flag for me.

Honestly, I think they ignore a lot of this because most birth classes are taught by people who don’t know much about these things. They took have their head in the sand about it, so they don’t teach it.

Which is why I recommend a birth class taught by a labor nurse. I recommend this one.

At the VERY least they should be very clear to you that these interventions are sometimes very necessary and how to make choices about them…. and we’re going to get more to that. Stay tuned.

I was just thinking about cesarean rates and I gotta say that even my favorite providers who are very patient and allow patients to make their best choice still have a cesarean rate of 15-20%. That’s still 1/5 — something to think about.

Learn About 3rd Trimester Testing

Honestly, I think this is where a lot of birth goes off the rails for people.

Example:

At 37 weeks, baby is measuring small. You do an ultrasound to find out that baby isn’t getting what they need from the umbilical cord, and they recommend you be induced.

You had no plans for induction, you don’t want one but you slowly realize that mother nature hasn’t made this pregnancy perfection, and this may help baby have a better outcome if you’re induced.

I see this happen a million different ways:

• Preeclampisa
• High blood pressure
• Cholestasis
• Baby too big or too small
• Too much or too little amniotic fluid

I actually talk about these very real-life scenarios a bit in my insider tips class:

This is why prenatal appointments are so important. However, when your provider sees something off at those appointments they tend to send you for testing. Most often:

• Preeclampsia labs
• NST (non-stress test)
• BPP (biophysical profile)

And people go into those tests blind, and aren’t sure what will happen or what the results will mean.

And, when the recommendation to induce early comes back, they’re just not sure what to do because they never had this on their radar the whole time.

You may feel like this scenario is rare, but it happens in a good percentage of births anymore. People are older, more stressed out and have pre-existing conditions they didn’t have before. I’d guess in many hospitals the majority of patients giving birth lived-out a similar scenario.

Honestly, I feel so fierce about this part I have a free class that goes over it. I don’t talk about it much but you can join right here. It goes over testing, and anything else that should send you into the hospital in the 3rd trimester.

Most birth classes don’t really start til’ you’re in labor, but that puts you behind before you’ve even started. Good birth class teachers know this. I go over more about what you need to know in this post.

Learn How to Make Choices

And here is where we get to the meat of this issue.

Birth isn’t perfect. Our bodies aren’t always “made” to do this and we often have to pivot and adjust our plans to keep things as safe as possible.

A lot of times we don’t. And that’s awesome, but there’s a decent chance you will have to adjust some parts of your birth hopes to account for safety.

Honestly, that’s part of why hospital births are safer (and frankly, why a lot of home birth midwives send a lot of their patients into the hospital).

You have to learn to:

1. Take the information your provider gives you
2. Understand the option they’re recommending (and ask questions)
3. Make the best choice for you given the information.

For too long providers “told” you that you’re getting induced, but I’m here to remind you that every choice is yours, there is a lot of grey area in pregnancy & birth, and that you can both combine what you want with what your provider is telling you.

I actually have a whole induction checklist to help you get a full picture of what you expect if your provider is recommending that (I wish they were better about doing it, but smart peeps grab this):

A good birth class will help you know options, and how to make those choices.

It’s not going to put their head in the sand that these things “rarely” happen, because they frankly (especially in 2026) do not. These are happening frequently, and often for very good reasons.

I have a video on making choices (and I do think it’s the #1 skill you need):

Appropriate Expectations

Finally a good birth class should give you appropriate expectations for hospital birth.

I agree that you don’t have to follow “policy” — but like I mentioned above, telling someone they can bring their own birth tub to any hospital just isn’t helpful to most people (or, frankly safe for all the other patients in the hospital).

I think this is especially true postpartum (a big part of why I recommend this one).

Personally, I wasn’t prepared at all for postpartum and it made it all pretty miserable. I don’t want that for you. My birth class just acted like baby would come out and everything would come easy after that, and that’s just not true:

So, as you can see a good “natural” birth class includes a lot of things many people don’t talk about.

Anything you learned in this article you hadn’t thought of? Tell me in the comments.

And finally, I am glad you’re even considering a class. Far too many people don’t.. Good preparation makes for good births — and I think you’re on the road to that!

A few notes on a birth class:

• Because most providers are using advertising to sell their birth class the pricing tends to be far too high (advertising adds about $100 to any birth class) — which is why I recommend this one (word of mouth is plenty for that one)
• Be sure to check the credentials of your teacher. It’s important they have helped at a LOT of births.
• Check out if they have any free options where you can see them teach (including Youtube videos) to see if you’re a good fit. Not every teacher is for every student.

Check out this one (you can find some freebies here too) and see if it’s right for you!

Want more information on birth classes check out these posts:

• Why Most Birth Classes Fall Short: Preparing for the Unexpected in Labor
• 14 Best Online Childbirth Classes for Couples
• Free Birth Class with Insurance
• When to Take a Childbirth or Breastfeeding Class?
• Pregnancy & Baby Preparation Classes I Recommend

The post Best Birth Class for a Natural Hospital Birth appeared first on Pulling Curls.

And how do I know so much about this? Hi, I’m Hilary — The Pregnancy Nurse®. I’ve been a nurse since 1997 and I have 20 years of Labor & Delivery bedside nursing experience. I’ve been teaching people how to mange their pregnancies and hospital births online since 2014 and I’m glad that you’re here — because I don’t want this to take another worry cell in your brain! No need!

The Facts

The reality is that only about 15% of people’s water breaks while they are outside the hospital.

Most people’s water breaks because they are in labor — so they’ll have some advance notice that their water might be breaking (check out my post for signs your water might break).

I would say that most people’s water breaks:

• While on the toilet
• While in bed (you need a waterproof mattress pad)
• While getting up to go to the toilet

So, they are NOT in public.

While it CAN happen in public that your water breaks, the reality is this happens for very few people. So, that should ease your mind — it’s not like in the movies where everyone’s water seems to break at the most inopportune time.

And while we’re here, there is so much about birth that is not like the movies. Please don’t let media (or frankly, even social media) prepare you for what to expect and how to make choices during birth. I very much recommend this instead.

And, if you’re wondering if you’re gonna flood the whole grocery isle if it were to break, I’m here to say that most people — especially if they’re standing, don’t have a whole ton flood out. I have a whole post on How much Water Comes Out When Your Water Breaks? that you might find helpful!

Many people feel a pop and then head to the restroom and then more comes out there as they relax on the toilet. So, as you can see the chance of it being a lot, in public is really low!!!!

How to Prepare

Ok, but in case you are one of the ones who does have it happen — how do you prepare. Honestly, these are smart moves to use in those last few weeks:

Wear a Pad

In those last few weeks you’re likely to see some changes in discharge. Most people are wearing a pad just because of that. Honestly, all of that makes it sort of hard to know if your water has broken — because “more” is just coming out than normally.

Gross, I know — but I’m here to spread the truth, not just what makes you feel good.

Have Some Towels

I think it’s smart to have some towels (or puppy pads/Chux like these) around in those last few weeks.

I’d keep a few in:

• Your car (if you have one)
• At work

I actually have a whole post about what to do if baby comes fast that outlines more about why towels are helpful — but I just think it’s smart.

I know you’re thinking those Chux are an added expense, but they have honestly saved me so many times as a parent. Great when you have a spitter-upper or a sick kid. I’d honestly put them on my registry and know I was getting something SO HANDY!

I’m not talking about a whole stack of them — maybe just one or two old towels just in case.

I think it builds peace of mind. Kind of like taking a good class.

Looking for more water breaking info — be sure to check out these posts:

• Splash! Everything To Know About Your Water Breaking
• What Does Water Breaking Look Like?
• What Does It Feel Like When Your Water Breaks?
• Can Your Water Break While You’re Peeing?
• What Makes your Water Break During Pregnancy?

Have a Plan!

I actually get this question a lot from school teachers. Which totally makes sense. You’re there, alone with quite a lot of children — what do you do if your water breaks?

I think you need to have a good discussion with your leadership at your work about what you should do if something happens. That way you’re prepared and feel confident about the steps you’ll take to keep the kids and yourself self should something happen!

And yes, I also have a post on when you should go on maternity leave.

And while we’re here talking about plans — have you made your birth plan yet? I’d love to help you out in my freebie series right here:

Honestly, this is smart in any career. As a nurse, I knew what to do if something happened while I was in a room and while we can’t have a plan for every situation most often people around us are willing to help us at such an important time!

What to DO if it Breaks?

Ok, finally we get to what you should actually do if it breaks.

Here are the steps you should take

1- Did anything else come out?

There is a chance that something else comes out when your water breaks. It’s extremely rare and you’ll feel it — but if you feel an arm, or the cord you need to get your bum in the air — think propping your bum up in the air with your head in the ground and call 911. This is an emergency. It is rare but I want you to know that.

Ok, once we’re past that initial question:

2. TACO?

No, it’s not time for lunch — we need to know some basics for this one….

The anacronym COAT works too but you want to know:

• Time (just note the approximate time)
• Amount (was it a lot or a little?)
• Color (this can range from clear, to bloody or brown)
• Odor (does it smell?)

** If the fluid is very bloody I’d head into labor and delivery, and if it’s a lot of blood, call 911 or get yourself to the hospital in the fastest way!

3. Call your provider

While not everyone needs to head to the hospital immediately I think it’s important to touch base with them. They’ll want that info you gathered with the TACO/COAT questions above.

Then, they’ll take that, along with your history and current prenatal situation to make a plan on when you should head into the hospital.

Most providers have someone on 24/7 for them for just such a phone call towards the end of your pregnancy. I’d ask your provider how to get hold of them in an important situation like this at your next appointment.

I know everyone seems to have some “magic formula” for when you should go to the hospital — but the reality is that it really varies and individual circumstances requires individual information. But, taking a good birth class will most definitely make those hours at home more confident vs scary.

4- Watch for Fever

The arch nemesis of a broken bag of water is fever. Now that your uterus and baby is open to “air” there is a chance for bacteria to thrive in that warm, moist environment. You’ll want to check for fever every hour or so. Your doctor or midwife should give their specific instructions when you call them — but that’s important to know (and have a thermometer at home to be able to check it — you’ll want one for baby anyway). You don’t need anything fancy, I think one like this is perfect!

Now, finally, we’re going to answer….

Don’t I Go Straight to the Hospital?

There is no question that if you have any questions you can always go straight into the hospital (or call your provider). Remember L&D is open every day all day! That’s always comforting to me!

However, just because your water has broken, if you’re not having serious contractions, your best bet may be to stay at home for a bit.

The best spot for early labor is actually at home. It can feel scary and confusing — that’s why I recommend the chapter on what to do in early labor in here.

But no — your water breaking doesn’t mean you immediately need to go into labor and delivery. You need to also consider:

• Any other labor symptoms
• Baby still moving? — if not you need to go in ASAP
• How far away your hospital is
• If your fluid is bloody, has an odor or is dark in color

And again — great questions your provider can go over with you so that you know what’s best for you to do!

For most people labor will start within 24-48 hours and as long as things are stable and safe being at home is a lovely, comforting and safe environment to encourage labor to get going!

You might also enjoy this post: What to Do in Early Labor (Before You Go to the Hospital)

The “Bottom” Line

Here’s 3 things you nee to remember:

1. While most people worry about this, it’s not likely. This isn’t worth your worry
2. Make sure nothing else has come out when your water breaks (an arm or a cord) — this is an important question to ask yourself!
3. Most people don’t need to go right in when your water breaks, but you should touch base with your provider

The other thing to know, for a lot of people it’s not really cut and dry.

Yes, some people get a giant gush of fluid that is very obvious, but some people get a trickle. It depends on where on the sac the water breaks and if it’s just a tear or a big opening.

It’s tricky, unfortunately — Like a lot of pregnancy.

But, I’m glad you’re here learning. What did you learn in this post? Tell us down in the comments!

And please consider joining me in The Online Prenatal Class for Couples where we get both of you prepared for this tricky time!

The post What if My Water Breaks in Public? appeared first on Pulling Curls.

Rather watch a video? It’s right here:

Problems with Early Labor

I think when we think about going into labor we don’t think it will be tricky but there are a few problems with early labor…

It’s confusing. I have a friend who says that labor comes in hindsight because you really only realize you’re there once you’re in it. So, early labor can be happening while you’re not sure if it’s the real thing. Many people have a long prodromal labor period where it goes on and off which is super annoying. That article has some great tips too!

Your Best Spot is at HOME. I know, I know –the movies make it seem like you have one contraction and you should be in the car by the next one — but the best place for you when labor isn’t taking your breath away is at home. Which means it’s just you and your partner trying to manage this part. Which leads me to…

Partners hate it. And this includes my own partner. He didn’t like having the pressure of helping me out (which didn’t come naturally when I was stressed and in a lot of pain), plus helping to decide when to head into the hospital. I think that helping your partner understand early labor can be a BIG win. That’s why I recommend this for both of you. Big help!

Talking about your birth plan can also be a good way for you guys to get on the same page — get my free series here:

What to do in Early Labor?

Today I want to give you 3 things to do in early labor. Since this is such a tricky (and can feel lonely) part of labor, I go into much more detail about it in here. << that’s so helpful!

Ignore It

Like a whiny toddler, early labor isn’t something you want to give a lot of attention to. This means you ignore it as long as you can.

Many people are up timing contractions that are 15-20+ minutes apart when their energy would’ve been better spent ignoring it.

That means finding something else to do, napping, prepping your house/nesting. All of these things can help you ignore it, and not give it the weight it wants to take all your attention (right as it goes away).

Yes, that’s right — I said it might go away. Just because you have contractions now, doesn’t mean it’s going to stay that way. I have more tips about labor here:

• You Don’t Need to Know Everything—Just This Before Birth
• 5 Things I Did for a Faster Labor
• 3 Things to Prepare For Labor
• Labor Contractions Explained: Your Ultimate Guide
• Why Most Birth Classes Fall Short: Preparing for the Unexpected in Labor

Call Your Provider

I get the feeling that not a lot of people know that they can often get hold of a professional when they call their provider’s office. That may mean speaking with them directly, a nurse that’s on call (who would upgrade to a doctor/midwife if they felt it was necessary), speaking to someone in labor and delivery or another provider who’s on call for the practice.

Giving them a quick call can give you a lot of reassurance in early labor. They can remind you what to watch for to head into the hospital. Review when you should head in and can honestly do a quick “phone assessment” to see how you’re doing. As a nurse I could most often tell in a phone call if the patient was ready to come in, or could probably still labor at home for a bit longer.

It’s not so simple that you call your provider’s office and speak to someone 24/7 — most often there’s an emergency line on their message, you call that number and likely will speak with an answering service who will pass your information on to whoever is on call. Just helps to know that going in. If you like tips like this — check out this!

Move

Ok, so we’re feeling good about being home and we’re not actually asleep (because if you can sleep — I think that’s a big win) I would encourage you to MOVE. This can look a variety of ways:

1. If you’re exhausted, it can be just turning over in bed, or using extra pillows to prop your hips in new ways.
2. Going on a walk.
3. Lunges around your house for a few minutes.
4. Trying different positions to hang out in. I have labor movement cards in here that can help give you ideas for this.

The idea is to be changing positions every 30 minutes or so. This is a GREAT job for your partner to be doing at this point. They can set a timer and then help you move and give you ideas for a new spot (that’s where those labor movement cards really shine).

Your pelvis moves when you move and it helps give baby find their best spot to get down into the birth canal when you combine movement with gravity. I’m a big fan of it.

TLDR: Here’s my 3 main points for you…

1. Early labor can come and go like a thief in the night — so ignoring it is a big win.
2. Incorporating movement into early labor is a BIG win. Don’t just lay on your bed in the fetal position afraid of what’s going to come — that helps no one!
3. Early labor can be more scary then you’d plan on. Getting prepared for it is a big win << and, involving your partner puts much less of the burden just on you.

I’m so glad you’re here. This is honestly advice that so many people ignore about labor, but so important! What are YOU planning to do in early labor? Tell us in the comments.

I will say in here I have a tip that people just HATE but solves so many problems. I did it in early labor too and while it made me angry it did help. Let’s get prepared together!

The post What to Do in Early Labor (Before You Go to the Hospital) appeared first on Pulling Curls.

Find it here on Apple or Spotify Podcasts

Big thanks to our sponsor The Online Prenatal Class for Couples — if you’re looking for support & helping your partner support you too — it’s the class for you!

Today’s guest is Erin Galloway. Erin is a licensed master social worker and certified perinatal mental health professional dedicated to empowering women, supporting families, and connecting people with resources and community. Erin is the CEO of She Might, the online resource and community for women walking through unexpected motherhood. Erin is a mom of two, a Phoenix Suns fan, Americano enthusiast, and podcast lover.

Links for you:

Get resources for your unplanned pregnancy: https://www.shemight.com/resources

Episode with Dani’s pregnancy story: https://www.pullingcurls.com/262-getting-pregnant-advocacy/

Timestamps:

00:00 Unexpected Pregnancies Affect Everyone

05:32 “Unexpected Pregnancy After Years Trying”

09:29 “Parenthood Decisions and Identity Impact”

10:17 “Navigating Reactions to Unplanned Pregnancy”

13:30 Navigating Pregnancy and Unexpected Grief

18:46 “Unexpected Twists in Pregnancy”

22:26 Varied Emotions in Birth Stories

24:06 Navigating Pregnancy Challenges Together

28:08 Effective Communication for Better Support

29:49 Maternity Support & Resources Hub

32:56 “Pulling Curls Podcast Appreciation”

Keypoints:

• Unplanned or unexpected pregnancies are very common—almost half of pregnancies in the U.S. fall into this category, and they can happen to anyone, regardless of age, relationship status, or birth control use.
• Many misconceptions exist about unplanned pregnancies, such as the belief they mostly happen to teenagers or people in crisis, when in reality, they affect people from all walks of life.
• Feeling conflicted, numb, overwhelmed, or not immediately excited about a pregnancy is normal—even among those who tried to conceive or are experienced in pregnancy and childbirth.
• Unplanned pregnancies can trigger complex emotions, including grief for one’s previous lifestyle, personal identity, and future plans that are suddenly shifted or delayed.
• The reactions of partners, family, and friends to the news of an unexpected pregnancy can be surprising or disappointing, often because they, too, are processing shock or need time to adjust.
• Grief around unexpected pregnancy is valid—people may experience ambiguous or disenfranchised grief, mourning the loss of their former freedoms or the plans they thought they’d have.
• There is a wide spectrum of feelings experienced throughout pregnancy and postpartum, no matter how the pregnancy happened; bonding with the baby and feelings about motherhood develop differently for everyone.
• Support groups, mental health professionals, and online communities like She Might provide essential resources and a sense of belonging for those navigating unexpected pregnancies.
• Social media tends to showcase only the positive or “picture-perfect” aspects of pregnancy and motherhood, but tough emotions and struggles are far more common than people might share publicly.
• Recognizing and celebrating small wins, seeking help, and finding ways to bring pieces of pre-pregnancy joy into new routines can help parents cope and adapt through the journey of an unplanned pregnancy.

Producer: Drew Erickson

[00:00:00] Hilary Erickson | The Pregnancy Nurse®: You’re pregnant and it’s not planned. Today on the Pulling Curls Podcast, we’re talking about unexpected or unplanned pregnancies. Let’s untangle it.

[00:00:07] Hi, I’m Hilary, a Serial over Complicator. I’m also a nurse mom to three and the curly head behind pulling curls and the pregnancy nurse. This podcast aims to help us stop overcomplicating things and remember how much easier it is to keep things simple. Let’s smooth out those snarls with pregnancy and parenting untangled: the Pulling Curls podcast.

[00:00:37] This episode of the Pulling Curls Podcast is sponsored by the Online Prenatal Class for Couples. It is the easy way to get prepared for your upcoming hospital birth. It’s quick, can be done in just three hours. It’s affordable, so much cheaper than a lot of the online birth classes available, and it’s meant to be done with your partner. To get a teammate rather than just a cheerleader, come join us today.

[00:00:57] Today’s guest is a licensed master social worker and a certified perinatal mental health professional. She’s the CEO of SheMight. I wanna introduce today’s guest, Erin Galloway.

[00:01:07] Hey Erin. Welcome to the Pulling Curls podcast.

[00:01:10] Erin Galloway: Thank you so much for having me.

[00:01:12] Hilary Erickson | The Pregnancy Nurse®: This was planned this episode,

[00:01:14] Erin Galloway: It was,

[00:01:16] Hilary Erickson | The Pregnancy Nurse®: but not all babies are planned.

[00:01:18] Erin Galloway: yes, that’s very true.

[00:01:20] Hilary Erickson | The Pregnancy Nurse®: So how would you frame, like what is an unplanned pregnancy? Because I think all of us think, oh, you’re 12. 12 is probably earlier than most people think. But Hilary, I have delivered 12 year olds, but you’re 16, you and your boyfriend just didn’t think about a condom.

[00:01:34] But that is not what we’re talking about here today, although that happens too. And we’re here to support all those people.

[00:01:40] Erin Galloway: Yeah. Well, I wanna start by saying almost half of the pregnancies in the United States are what you might consider unplanned or unexpected. And that could be, regardless of whether you want to be a parent, whether you’re already a parent, whether you’re in a stable relationship, whether you used birth control or other forms of conception or not.

[00:01:58] Basically, an unexpected pregnancy can happen to anyone. And so like, I’m glad you said what you said because I think when people hear unexpected or unplanned pregnancy, assumptions are made that this must be someone who’s younger or someone in crisis and that’s just not the case. And I think that misconception’s becoming less common as you see a lot of stories on social media from people with different backgrounds and experiences who unexpectedly find themselves pregnant, in a different season of life.

[00:02:23] So I think to define that is really an unexpected pregnancy is just that. It’s unexpected. That could mean, like I said, you were using contraception and it still happened. You thought you were done having kids. You never imagined having kids at all, or not anytime soon. You thought it would take a long time to get pregnant, so you started trying and you didn’t really expect it to happen the first time. And you’re not emotionally ready in that moment till you didn’t expect it. So I think a lot of people expect it to take time. ’cause we’re hearing more and more that it’s taking a year or longer to get pregnant. So these are all real stories I’ve heard from women we’ve spoken to. Everyone’s experience is so different, but I think there are just so many reasons that a pregnancy might be labeled unexpected. Yeah.

[00:03:09] Hilary Erickson | The Pregnancy Nurse®: I wanna tell like two sides of the stories. First off. We had Dani on the podcast, and she talked about how she used a syringe and semen from a birth bank and did it at home. But even for her, she was super surprised that it worked.

[00:03:23] So even though she, she put all this effort into getting pregnant, it still is like, oh my gosh, now I actually am pregnant. And I think that’s really valid. And I gotta say that as a labor nurse, people who do pregnancy all the time, I had a coworker who was like, oh, my boobs are really hurting today. My period must be coming.

[00:03:41] And we were like, how late is it? And she was like, like a week. And we were all like. Huh,

[00:03:46] Erin Galloway: Yeah.

[00:03:47] Hilary Erickson | The Pregnancy Nurse®: you know, trying And then a week later we were like, you should go take a pregnancy test.

[00:03:51] And she took one and it was positive and she and I both had kids that were just entering kindergarten. You know, we were just feeling like, oh, we are getting a little bit of our life back and she was starting back with a baby and it was devastating for a while for her, even as people who do labor and delivery

[00:04:08] Erin Galloway: Mm-hmm.

[00:04:08] Hilary Erickson | The Pregnancy Nurse®: Constantly. It was a lot and it was a lot even up until the baby was born. She didn’t feel like she had bonded with her as much. But you know, a couple months in, she was like, it’s exactly the same with the other kids. It just took a while and I think that’s so valid and I think a lot of people are like, this doesn’t happen to people that are like smart and like think about things like this.

[00:04:28] Erin Galloway: No.

[00:04:28] Hilary Erickson | The Pregnancy Nurse®: think about pregnancy all the time that my coworker was a real smart girl. Stuff happens.

[00:04:34] Erin Galloway: Yeah. And I mean, you see stories all the time where it’s like you just had your baby and six weeks later or however many weeks later or months later, you find yourself pregnant. There’s an ob, GYN, who’s on social media, Dr. Allie, and she got pregnant really soon after she had her baby, and, and it was unexpected.

[00:04:50] Now. Things happen. Again, you can get pregnant while you’re on birth control. So, it’s never 100% guaranteed. And, yeah, you’re right. Like I think even people who think about pregnancy all the time and think about their family and all of this all the time still can become unexpectedly pregnant. And I think that’s hard for people to wrap their minds around. They’re like, well, obviously if you weren’t using protection or weren’t doing X, Y, Z, you’re gonna be pregnant. Well, that’s not the case for everybody. And yeah, there can be that initial response of overwhelm, especially if you didn’t expect it to happen so quick. I mean, I have friends who were like, yeah, I mean, I feel like it’s gonna take us like six months to a year to get pregnant. Well, then it happens and your timeline shifts, right? not in control of that.

[00:05:32] Hilary Erickson | The Pregnancy Nurse®: And, we tried for two to three years to get pregnant with my last baby. And number three, and, after a while you’re like, well, this probably isn’t gonna happen. And I was just about ready to turn the baby factory off. Because again, I had a kid going to kindergarten and I was like, maybe it’s just time to move on with our lives.

[00:05:47] And, got pregnant. And then you’re like, oh my gosh, I actually am pregnant now. What am I gonna do? And you freak out a little bit. Like, I think so many people have these feelings and then are thinking no one else has these feelings. No one ever, everyone ever talks about how you’re like, oh, it took me three years to get pregnant, but now I’m like freaking out inside that I’m pregnant, even though I was trying to do this for so long.

[00:06:07] Erin Galloway: Yeah. The reality sets in, like I planned both of my pregnancies. They happen pretty quickly, and I think with both, I still had those moments of. Okay. Life is gonna change, especially with the first, I remember I, I think I was like three months pregnant, and I remember calling my sister sobbing because I was like, what did I do?

[00:06:24] Like we had, you know, been married a long time and we were just, we weren’t in the season of life that we wanted kids at that time. And then we decided, okay, this is the time, now or never, I mean, I feel like there’s never the right time to have kids. And, well, we made that decision and then it was like, okay, life is changing.

[00:06:39] What does this look like? Did I actually even think about what this is gonna look like. And I think that’s totally normal. And we’ve had clients who come to us and say, Yeah I thought I was ready for this and I feel like I’m not ready. And I think a lot of that is totally, it’s totally normal and natural to be like, oh, life is changing because it is.

[00:06:56] Hilary Erickson | The Pregnancy Nurse®: I love that you guys run a whole community around this because it’s sort of like the unspoken thing about how so many people have unplanned pregnancies. So many people have very surprised pregnancies. So many people have pregnancies that they feel conflicted about inside and people just don’t talk about it ’cause it this, like we’re talking about postpartum anxiety and depression.

[00:07:16] But I think this is an area that we really don’t talk about, that people have conflicting feelings about pregnancy and that’s okay.

[00:07:24] Erin Galloway: I completely agree. And you know, when unexpected pregnancy is a risk factor for perinatal mood and anxiety disorder. So those are things people don’t know. And we recently had our former director of communications on the podcast to talk about mental health during pregnancy and postpartum. And she shared like, that was, that was me.

[00:07:43] That, that I hit all the risk factors for that and that’s why I experienced such significant depression during my pregnancy. And, so I think those are just important things to know.

[00:07:52] Hilary Erickson | The Pregnancy Nurse®: Okay. So what are some feelings, since you have a whole community about this, I’d love that you’ll be able to, like a broad spectrum of people. How can that affect your pregnancy? Like what do people describe moving through pregnancy?

[00:08:05] Erin Galloway: Yeah, I mean, I think it can completely shift how you feel about the pregnancy, how you feel about your current life situation, how you feel about your partner. I think there are a lot of emotions that come with that. I think it can start by feeling very conflicted. Maybe you’re feeling numb or confused. I mean, we have stress responses for a reason and. We have these responses to pregnancy, so that could look like being numb, feeling confused, feeling very overwhelmed, and not, not being able to kind of even acknowledge the pregnancy. People feel that they’re not excited. That is really hard for people to overcome. They’re like, everybody elsewhere is so excited about everything. But I just don’t feel that excited. I think that’s okay. I’m not an overly excited person like with, with that kinda stuff. And so I almost felt like I feel weird that I’m not like jumping for joy and talking about this constantly. I just felt like I was weird for that. And then even like really not understanding why people aren’t excited for them, or maybe there’s just a response that they don’t get. I think those are unmet expectations that we have when you think, oh, my partner’s gonna be really excited and they’re not. Or their initial reaction is not great. Or a friend or sister, brother, parent, like, I think. When you get a response, that’s not exactly what you expected. I think that’s hard to process. It could also just feel like you’re being knocked off your feet. I think it just stops you in your track. So it doesn’t matter if you were planning to have kids, eventually never planned to have kids or didn’t have plan to have more kids. We see that a lot just stop you, help you pause, and you’re like wondering, what is this gonna do to my life?

[00:09:41] Like how is this gonna affect my career? What about my education, financial stability? What does this mean for my other kids? Like all of these questions come in. And so you’re just wondering like, okay, how is this impacting my relationship? What does this look like for my own identity as a mom, but as an individual? And what, what changes are gonna happen to my independence and what life looks like if I don’t have any kids? So just think there’s logistical things that come up in that response of like, what are we gonna do with this? But I also think there’s just emotional loss that can come up, and I don’t think that’s acknowledged.

[00:10:13] And I think for some people that does mean like grieving some of that.

[00:10:17] Hilary Erickson | The Pregnancy Nurse®: I wanna touch back on grief in a second, but I loved how you mentioned other people’s reaction because especially let’s say you have a boyfriend that you haven’t known very long, and then you tell your mom that you’re pregnant. And she maybe doesn’t have the reaction that you’re hoping for. As a mom of some adult kids, I can totally understand that. They’re not prepared for it either.

[00:10:36] They weren’t even thinking it, they might not even think that pregnancy was an option for you.

[00:10:40] So I think we gotta be forgiving of other people’s reaction and don’t take a whole lot from it because. We’re just, everybody’s human. We’re all just living our little human lives over here.

[00:10:49] And it just because your mom’s not excited for you initially doesn’t mean she can’t, like 360 turn, because I’ve had friends whose kids have had unplanned pregnancies and man, they love those grand babies so much. So don’t think that that’s gonna be your reaction forever, or if your reaction is gonna extend to your pregnancy journey.

[00:11:05] It doesn’t mean that, because I think, I don’t know if people listening or people of faith or people of like God’s plan or, just like life plans in general. But I think a large part of the reason we’re pregnant for so long is to give our minds time to wrap around the fact that we’re going to have a baby, to prepare for the baby, to prepare a relationship in our home.

[00:11:24] And, obviously the baby has to grow inside and all those different kinds of things, but sometimes when I hear about animals that have like a six week gestation, I’m like, oh, I’m glad. I’m glad we had more time than that to really wrap my mind around this. I’m glad I didn’t have 40 kittens, right.

[00:11:37] Erin Galloway: Yeah. Yeah. I think that’s a great point. I think I always tell clients you can’t control how someone reacts, you can take control how you process it and kind of what you accept into your own world basically. And, remember if this is a shock to you, it’s, it might be a shock to other people too. And people say stupid things, that is the reality. When I remember just early on in pregnancy, when people were saying things to me, I’m like. This is accurate. People actually say the stupidest things to you when you’re pregnant and postpartum and as you’re, you know, being a parent. It’s just something that happens and I don’t know what shifts and I think people have really good intentions and they just wanna be helpful, but it’s not always helpful.

[00:12:18] So that’s kind of on our end to set boundaries, but also be able to kind of process some of that.

[00:12:23] Hilary Erickson | The Pregnancy Nurse®: and allow grace for that initial reaction because, as unexpected as it is for you, it may be three times more unexpected for them.

[00:12:31] Erin Galloway: Yeah.

[00:12:31] Hilary Erickson | The Pregnancy Nurse®: Okay. Going back to grief though, I think it’s so valid to grieve, your pre-pregnancy life, your pre-pregnancy body, your life before you had to have all these different thoughts because,

[00:12:42] Erin Galloway: Yeah.

[00:12:42] Hilary Erickson | The Pregnancy Nurse®: before you got pregnant, you gotta think about like, what am I gonna wear?

[00:12:46] Where am I gonna party at this weekend? And then all of a sudden you know, this baby is coming, car seats, strollers, prenatal appointments, prenatal vitamins, trying to keep them down, trying not to throw up. What do people say about all that?

[00:12:58] Erin Galloway: Yeah. I think first, like grief is a natural response to change. And an unexpected pregnancy is a huge change. So, there’s a couple different types of grief that we see often with unexpected pregnancy. So ambiguous loss is the kind of loss that feels very unclear or unresolved. It’s just like this emotional pain that comes when there’s really not a lot of closure. Maybe you’re grieving something that doesn’t really have a name to it, or maybe it’s something no one’s gonna acknowledge as a loss. So that could look like grieving the version of your life you thought you’d have in this season. The plans and timeline you had in place. I’ve had clients who found out they’re pregnant and they had these plans this weekend to do something that you can’t do while you’re pregnant. That’s okay to grieve that, like that’s a sudden change for you. you might be grieving the emotional or practical support that you’d expected from your village and you didn’t receive it. You might be grieving your freedom or flexibility or the identity you had before this moment. I mean, we talk about at SheMight, that we don’t believe in the false dichotomy that you can have either your career or something, or a child, we believe you can be a great mom and you can have those things if that’s what you desire and that’s what you wanna pursue.

[00:14:04] And so yes, it takes sacrifice. We know your timeline might adjust, but there’s grief in that. There’s grief in processing that. And then I think when we think of your, like pregnancies, pregnancies have unexpected things happen all the time. We talked about this a little bit before that maybe you turned out to be high risk.

[00:14:21] And you didn’t expect that. And you’re grieving what you thought your pregnancy or your delivery would look like. and so when we’re talking about ambiguous loss, we’re also talking about disenfranchised grief. So, like I said. Ambiguous loss is kind of that without clarity. And then disenfranchised grief is the kind of mourning and grief that society is not really recognizing or validating.

[00:14:41] So you might feel that because people are like, well, how did you get pregnant? I mean, you know how you got pregnant, right? Like there’s no such thing as an unexpected pregnancy. That’s what a lot of people can say, but you might feel that, like, sadness that’s really hard to explain, but is real. And it’s dismissed by people in your life or just dismissed by kind of society.

[00:15:00] So I think that could look like grieving something that’s very intangible. Like your future that suddenly looks very different for you. You can still achieve those things, but your timeline looks different. Or, like I said before, maybe your partner. You thought would respond in a certain way and they didn’t. And so that’s impacting how you feel about yourself, how you feel about this pregnancy, and how you feel about your partner. And then, like I said, just kind of what your family looks like. I think they’re, these could not seem like losses to other people, but they’re real to you. They’re still heavy and they matter to you.

[00:15:32] So I think makes it really hard to process that when you feel like. Nobody else is seeing me. Nobody else is feeling what I’m feeling. And it can really make you feel isolated. So I encourage clients and, you know, members of our community to lean into that and process what they’re feeling. Even if it feels silly, it’s real to you, like, and it’s valid for you to process that.

[00:15:52] So, at the end of the day, you can find community, seek out support from, you know, mental health professionals, find a support group. Yeah, join a community and find people who will be able to kind of sit with you in that.

[00:16:04] Hilary Erickson | The Pregnancy Nurse®: I was thinking that we probably don’t share this much on social media because ultimately I probably wouldn’t want my kids to know that. I was like not super excited that they were coming.

[00:16:12] Erin Galloway: Yeah.

[00:16:13] Hilary Erickson | The Pregnancy Nurse®: I think it’s more okay. To say, postpartums horrible because everyone understands you’re not sleeping right?

[00:16:18] So it’s not the baby that you didn’t want, it’s the after effects versus when you’re like, I’m pregnant and I’m not jazzed about it. That ultimately is kind of like, and I’m not jazzed about you.

[00:16:29] Erin Galloway: Yeah.

[00:16:30] Hilary Erickson | The Pregnancy Nurse®: And so that’s probably why we don’t see people talking about it on social media, and I think that that’s valid.

[00:16:34] That’s probably not something that I want held for the time and all eternity for my kids to know those kind of things. Sometimes I see pregnancy announcements where people are just devastated and they filmed it on TikTok and I’m always like, oh, that’s kind of a lot for your kid later on.

[00:16:48] Erin Galloway: Yes.

[00:16:49] Hilary Erickson | The Pregnancy Nurse®: I, that’s such a valid feeling, right?

[00:16:51] So if you wanna film a TikTok, I’m here to watch it for you, but at the same point, I totally understand why it’s not something that you wanna go shout from the rooftops. But I bet if you bring it up to your mom community, your friend community, especially people who’ve had babies before, you’re gonna hear a lot of Oh, me too.

[00:17:07] Because it’s something that a lot of people feel, but we don’t wanna have it in the canals of time.

[00:17:12] Erin Galloway: Yeah, and I think there’s just unexpected things with pregnancy. Like don’t like being pregnant. I had very difficult pregnancies and so I wasn’t like joyful and happy. And I have friends who experience similar things and I’m like, it’s okay to not like being pregnant.

[00:17:29] That doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s really hard. It is really hard to be pregnant. It’s you’re growing a person, like taking all of you basically to do this while you’re also doing your other things. And so like it’s valid to not be totally like having this unicorn pregnancy where you’re like, I’m just glowing and all of this.

[00:17:48] And so I think part of that comes into that, of like grieving what you thought pregnancy would be like for you and what you had hoped you’d feel about it. That doesn’t mean you’re a bad person and you’re not gonna be an amazing mom. It just means that this is really hard.

[00:18:01] Hilary Erickson | The Pregnancy Nurse®: I would guess there’s absolutely no correlation towards like at a 5-year-old, like, ’cause we’re looking at kids when they have memories and they care about things. A five year old mom versus, comparing them to people who are excited about their pregnancy or loved their pregnancy versus people who didn’t.

[00:18:15] I bet there is no correlation between the two except for obviously socioeconomic issues or things like that. So, I know there were so many things that I was worried that my pregnancy would affect me moving forward and ultimately absolutely didn’t. I made way worse choices as a mom with teenagers than I did with those, so,

[00:18:34] Okay.

[00:18:35] So I wanted to talk about like, what are some other like areas that you notice people getting sort of caught off guard by the grief or stuff as they move forward through pregnancy and ultimately having the baby?

[00:18:46] Erin Galloway: I mean, I think after you come to terms with this is happening, this is my life right now. I think things can still shift in unexpected ways. And we’ve talked about this a little bit. You could be told that you’re high risk or that there’s some kind of complication, even if you’re a healthy person. Or you might experience a pregnancy filled with every single symptom imaginable. I had a friend that this happened to. And all I could just hope for for her is that like, man, I just want your birth to be so much easier than what your pregnancy has been. Because I’m just like, sometimes people get like every symptom imaginable and it can seem like at every appointment brings a new surprise and that. That like those surprises are considered quote unquote normal for pregnancy. I just saw something you had posted about that of like feeling like you’re just being told everything’s normal. Well, how do you actually process that and figure out like how to make it better for yourself too, because obviously our doctors can’t solve all of our problems.

[00:19:40] Like it’s, that’s the reality of pregnancy. And so I think when you’re experiencing unexpected things during pregnancy, you’re high risk. You have things that you didn’t expect to happen, that can still kind of catch you off guard. there’s just a lot of emotional ups and downs with that. I experienced that with my first pregnancy that it seemed like everything was going wrong with it. so it was hard to imagine that things weren’t gonna keep going wrong. ,

[00:20:09] Hilary Erickson | The Pregnancy Nurse®: And I think during pregnancy, it’s the first time a lot of people are managing healthcare in general because you’ve been a young, healthy person up until this point, and now all of a sudden, because pregnancy sort of ages your body like 20 to 30 years, just because of all the strain on it. And so suddenly you’re looking at healthcare like a 60-year-old versus a 30-year-old.

[00:20:28] And so it changes things night and day. And I’m here to tell you that, you know, after pregnancy, most often, you again are a healthy young person, but healthcare can be a lot during pregnancy that you weren’t prepared for.

[00:20:41] Erin Galloway: Super overwhelming. People don’t expect bills to come in. I remember I thought, oh yeah, like I’ll probably just have to pay my deductible. And no, I had to pay a certain amount for my prenatal visits and I didn’t expect that. If you’re not told, you’re not gonna know and if you don’t do the research. So, that was unexpected for me. I think relationships can be unexpected. People will continue to have responses for things that you don’t expect. Maybe this surprise you in a positive way, but sometimes it’s a negative thing. And so it’s just kind of processing that, figuring out what your relationships look like. Relationships change as you become a mom. I was one of the first people to become a mom in my friend group. And, so my kids have a lot of incredible aunts. But that was kind of an interesting transition of like, what priorities shift and you’re gonna see that. And, so that’s, I think, unexpected for people. And then, you know, when you get to the point where you’re having your baby. Your delivery, there are things that will probably come up that are unexpected for you. You haven’t experienced this before. and so that’s really hard. And then some things come up and you could have a traumatic delivery or a bad experience that you have to process and heal from. I think we talked about it a little when we were on the SheMight podcast that feeling like you’re not bonding with your baby right away or you don’t like immediately like feel that. And that’s kind of the expected thing. I think there are just so many things that come up in postpartum that think, oh, like we have this newborn bubble. And, it’s just gonna be wonderful. It can be really hard. It is really hard. Even if you’re having the best experience, it’s still hard because you’re learning how to take care of another human.

[00:22:16] And you’re taking care of your baby and navigating feeding and health and healing yourself. After a long nine months of pregnancy.

[00:22:26] It

[00:22:27] Hilary Erickson | The Pregnancy Nurse®: is a lot to take in. And I think the trap we get stuck in with these unplanned pregnancies is thinking that everyone else, everyone else is feeling something different than you. You know, they all. Immediately bonded with their baby. But because this was an unplanned pregnancy, I didn’t feel that rush of love right as they put baby on my chest.

[00:22:44] And I’m here to tell you that there is a wide variety of feelings, no matter how you got pregnant, if it was a, you know, an intended syringe pregnancy or an IVF, right? Where maybe it’s your sixth cycle and you’re just about ready to give up. All of these things have unplanned emotions about ’em, and everybody feels a different way.

[00:23:03] And I’m also here to tell you that as a nurse who sees people give birth in the labor room, when people call their sister an hour later with their birth story and I’m like cleaning up the placenta and all this different kind of stuff, when they tell the story, I’m like, well, that is not how that happened at all.

[00:23:18] They’ll be like, oh. It was like, absolutely. It was like, no pain at all. And I’m like, girl, you were pulling my hand off screaming. You know, an hour ago, and I’m like, that’s cool. Like, because we’re all just getting it filtered through people’s brains after the time has gone on. Most people don’t get to see, you know, that baby put right to chest or whatever.

[00:23:38] But as somebody who’s seen it thousands of times, I’m telling you there are thousands of different ways to feel of your baby, during pregnancy, after delivery, five years down the road. Yeah.

[00:23:49] Erin Galloway: Yeah. Well, and it’s incredible how our brain. Says like, oh, we’ll turn that piece off and that’s why we have more kids. It’s ’cause we forget about those really hard things and like you get to a point where you’re like, oh, I’m sleeping again. We could have another. And so it, it’s just, yeah, I think, yeah, you’re right.

[00:24:06] I think you, you’re going to grieve different pieces of your pregnancy experience or just have to process those things in those moments where it doesn’t feel joyful. It doesn’t feel like this is what you dreamed of, or you’re confused or fearful of something. Or sometimes it comes out that it brings up some past trauma or some stress that you’re experiencing.

[00:24:25] And I think that’s okay to have, and that’s why there are supports out there. That’s where there are mental health professionals that specifically work, with pregnant and postpartum women. And, that’s why, you know, there are communities out there so that you can put it online and say, Hey, you know, this is what I’m feeling.

[00:24:42] Does anyone feel the same? And feel like, oh, I’m not alone in this. Like I would say every single post that I see in our community, there’s at least one person that says, oh no, I felt that way too. Like that’s, it’s normal. I mean, you still need that support, but it’s normal. Like you’re not a bad person for feeling that way or having that emotion.

[00:24:58] Hilary Erickson | The Pregnancy Nurse®: And the other thing you had mentioned is to, you know, some people have a a positive reaction when you have your baby. They’re so excited for you versus the, and we’re always gonna glom onto the people that have the negative reaction, right? That’s what our brain is gonna fixate on, oh, she wasn’t happy for me, blah, blah, blah.

[00:25:13] But as a mom, the more we can get and like noticing when we have those positive things. Because as a new mom, young, I was like, I hate a lot of this. Right? But you know, all of a sudden we’d be dragging the wagon to the bookmobile and I remember thinking, this is what I always dreamed motherhood would be like.

[00:25:30] Right. And I was like, I have got to savor this moment because I didn’t think it would be smelling like spit up. I didn’t think that it would be so sleepless, so much crying from both the baby and me. And so noticing those positive times, can be super, super helpful. And of course that’s what people share on social media is them having that time where like, this is what I always thought it was gonna be.

[00:25:52] And that doesn’t, that’s one social media image in a lifetime of, man, this is way different and worse than what I thought it was gonna be.

[00:26:01] Erin Galloway: Yeah, I think we hear that a lot and I always tell people to try to like remember back to before you were pregnant, what are things that like brought you joy in those moments? If this, this current moment’s not bringing you joy in like a little bit of lightness, what are some things you can try? For me that was making sure that I was getting outside and going on walks, especially with my first ’cause I had pretty significant postpartum anxiety that I wasn’t acknowledging at the time, even though I work in this. And it took me probably a couple years to really acknowledge how deeply I was struggling. And so I think just remember those things that actually helped in the past, and try it. It never hurts to try it. It could not work and then you have to find something else. But yeah, my daughter is one in nine days and I’m in the space of like, oh my gosh, that really did go by like fast. Way faster than the first.

[00:26:51] I think it’s ’cause when you have a toddler and a baby, there’s like a million things happening. But, man, I’m looking back to this year and like remembering like, okay, this is, this is crazy how fast this went. And so it, it really is true. Like, I think you’re right, like trying to find those positive things, even taking one good win from the day or one positive thing that happened.

[00:27:10] Even if that’s something that seems silly, like, oh, I actually put the dishes away today from the dishwasher. Or I got outside, or I got dressed, took a shower, read a book. Like anything is a win in my book during that season. So take the steps to try to find those little things. And I think that can help you process those hard moments.

[00:27:30] True.

[00:27:30] Hilary Erickson | The Pregnancy Nurse®: I think that’s true, and I think a lot of times people are like, well, I can’t take the baby. I, I love to go on a walk, but I can’t take the baby. And I’m here to tell you that there is a lot that you can haul your baby with you, especially a walk. I mean,

[00:27:40] Erin Galloway: yeah.

[00:27:41] Hilary Erickson | The Pregnancy Nurse®: babies, love walks. So I’m here for that one.

[00:27:43] But if there’s something that you loved before, unless it’s like going to the ballet, probably don’t want to take your baby to that. There’s a lot that you can bring your baby to. You know, let’s say you loved going to the library, take your baby to the, the infant thing at the library. There’s so many things that you can bring your baby to, even though it’s gonna feel overwhelming, give it a shot.

[00:28:02] ‘Cause you sort of have to learn how to like, manage doing things with your baby. But there’s a lot you can do with your baby.

[00:28:08] Erin Galloway: Yeah. And I think learning how to best communicate. We have some really good communication tips, that we have on our website, like as a resource. But like it’s all in how you communicate because sometimes you may have a need and you’re not communicating it. To get the response that you actually need.

[00:28:25] So I think, being able to communicate well and we, like I said, I can send that downloadable too, like learning how to say things and being specific about what you need, in that season can help so that you’re able to get that support and that time to just find those wins and kind of take care of yourself.

[00:28:41] Hilary Erickson | The Pregnancy Nurse®: especially from a partner. Because the other thing is you’ve got this partner who’s grieving their life, right? And so both of you can be on a train to destruction together. And so, that gets extra tricky because it is definitely happening to both of you. And so, looking for outside supports, his mom, your mom, and allowing them to come help you out can be really helpful as well.

[00:29:03] Erin Galloway: Yeah. And if you don’t have that village, like I, I totally see that all the time is that families aren’t as nearby anymore. And so, yeah, that’s why sometimes it’s hard, but we have to seek out that village and that community. And there are a lot of great groups out there, all across the United States, that you can join. And you have to find what, like fits you, fits your background, your values, your needs. But there are people out there. And, there are online communities out there, whether that’s through social media or something like the SheMight Discord community, that is kind of a start to building that village

[00:29:34] Hilary Erickson | The Pregnancy Nurse®: So what can people get from SheMight? Tell us more about what you guys can offer to people if they’ve had an unplanned pregnancy or are just feeling the grief of like, suddenly this seems more unplanned than I thought it was gonna be. What can they get from you guys?

[00:29:49] Erin Galloway: Yeah, so SheMight started as an online blog basically. And so we have a resource library with over 150 articles and downloads that are just kind of to help you walk on your journey. So there’s different resources on there, from you know, Pregnancy stuff to maternity leave. We’re a go-to resource for maternity leave planning, and we would love to support in that.

[00:30:11] We do have a coaching program just to kind of support, helping through that unexpected pregnancy. And yeah, we have our online Discord community. It’s just kind of a space where you can engage with people kind of walking the same journey, share your experience, you know, build connections, ask questions. So that’s our online community. And, we have a couple new things that we’re launching soon we’ll be offering a grant program. Most of the women that we serve are, above the poverty line, and so they’re often not eligible for any government assistance. But we know that just because you’re above the poverty line doesn’t mean, that you don’t need some support and that one big expense can’t really break things for you. And so, we’re offering, a grant program coming soon to just kind of help make the early motherhood journey a little bit easier. And so, that information will be out soon. But yeah, we’re just a community on social media and discord that wants to kind of walk with people on their unexpected journeys.

[00:31:07] Hilary Erickson | The Pregnancy Nurse®: I think that’s so awesome. I’m gonna put links for you guys, in the show description or down below if you guys are watching on YouTube. But i’m so glad that we’re starting to have this conversation so that people can understand that what they’re feeling isn’t unusual. And they can look just like every other mom that they see at the playground.

[00:31:23] I think everyone envisions themselves as this person who just like Miss Hannigan from, Annie, who’s like “little girls. Little girls.” And that’s not gonna be the case. Those feelings are not gonna extend to every day for the rest of your life.

[00:31:34] Erin Galloway: Yeah. And the more we talk about it, the less shame there is to it. I always tell clients like, shame is the place you don’t wanna go. And so I think we can break the stigma around it and just talk about it and normalize it. Half of the pregnancies in the United States are unexpected. Like people can feel like, oh, I’m actually not alone in this.

[00:31:52] And know that like people are out there to kind of walk with you. And there’s more people out there that are experiencing this than you probably know.

[00:31:59] Hilary Erickson | The Pregnancy Nurse®: Yes. And even beyond that, there’s a lot of people who are like, oh my. Gosh, now I’m pregnant. Even if it was planned, they were off birth control. They were trying, they were, IV fing it. They were spending thousands of dollars for this baby. You can still have a feeling like, oh my gosh, what have I done to myself?

[00:32:17] Erin Galloway: I completely agree.

[00:32:18] Hilary Erickson | The Pregnancy Nurse®: Okay. Erin, thank you so much for coming on. I hope this information’s helpful for people. I hope people will reach out to SheMight ’cause I think that’s such a valuable opportunity. And best of luck to you guys moving forward. I hope that this just grows and grows and people can learn that they’re not alone.

[00:32:33] Erin Galloway: Yeah. Thank you so much for having me. It’s been an honor.

[00:32:35] Hilary Erickson | The Pregnancy Nurse®: Okay. I hope you guys enjoyed that episode. I just think people need to understand how many people have these same feelings. And like I said before, we’re not talking about them because it’s not something we really want our kids to end up knowing later on, which I totally understand, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t talk about it in private, even if we’re not sharing it on social.

[00:32:53] So check out SheMight. It sounds like they have so many good resources for you guys. I’m grateful that we have companies like them that can help us out.

[00:33:00] We’ll see you next time on the Pullling Curls podcast.

[00:33:02] Thanks for joining us on the Pulling Curls podcast today. If you like today’s episode, please consider reviewing, sharing, subscribing. It really helps our podcast grow. Thank you.

Keywords:

unplanned pregnancy, unexpected pregnancy, perinatal mental health, emotional response to pregnancy, pregnancy grief, ambiguous loss, disenfranchised grief, perinatal mood disorders, maternal anxiety, postpartum depression, pregnancy community support, partner reactions, family reactions to pregnancy, pregnancy and career, maternity leave planning, pregnancy timeline, birth control failure, high risk pregnancy, pregnancy symptoms, prenatal class, pregnancy and identity, adjusting to motherhood, parenting support groups, pregnancy support communities, online pregnancy resources, She Might, Pulling Curls Podcast, Pregnancy Nurse, relationships during pregnancy, financial concerns with pregnancy, pregnancy after infertility

The post Unexpected Pregnancy: You’re Not Alone – Processing Grief and Finding Support appeared first on Pulling Curls.

Find it here on Apple or Spotify Podcasts

Big thanks to our sponsor Laborie — LifeBubble® Umbilical Catheter Securement System

LifeBubble is made of a Soft Medical Grade Silicone to minimize skin irritation, Reduces the Risk of Catheter Migration and Early Discontinuation, and Protects the Insertion Site of our most vulnerable patients. Find them on Instagram @laborie_ob

Today’s guest is Janene Fuerch, MD.

She is a Clinical Associate Professor of Pediatrics, Division of Neonatal and Developmental Medicine, Associate Director of the Biodesign Innovation Fellowship Program at Stanford University, and Co-Director of Impact1 where she mentors and advises entrepreneurs in the pediatric and maternal space through all aspects of medical device development, from identifying clinical needs to commercialization. Her specific areas of investigational interest include the development and commercialization process of neonatal, pediatric and maternal health medical devices. She is a national leader in neonatal resuscitation, ECMO, device development and has been an AHRQ, FDA and NSF funded investigator. But her work extends outside of the academic realm to industry having co-founded EMME (acquired by Simple Health 2022) an award-winning reproductive health company, medical director for Novonate (acquired by Laborie 2023) a neonatal umbilical catheter securement company and notable consultant for Vitara (EXTEND – artificial environment to decrease complications of prematurity), Laborie, Ceribell, Novocuff and Avanos. Janene is passionate about improving the health of children and newborns through medical device innovation and research.

Links for you:

Previous Laborie Episode on Forceps (260)

Timestamps:

00:00 NICU Challenges: Bonding & Separation

06:55 Choosing the Right Hospital Level

09:47 Bonding with Baby After Separation

14:06 NICU Innovation: Challenges and Opportunities

15:14 Umbilical Catheter Infection Solution

18:17 NICU Bonding and Communication Tips

21:59 Premature Baby Care Innovations

25:04 Prioritizing Investment in Children’s Future

Keypoints:

• Many families are surprised when their baby needs to go to the NICU, so it’s important for all pregnant families to know some basics about what to expect.
• The NICU can range from having just a couple of extra staff in the delivery room to having 15 people if a baby needs help, making the birth experience much more intense and involved.
• Planning ahead with your partner about who will go with the baby in case of separation can help make a stressful situation a little easier.
• About 10% of babies need some help breathing at birth, but most recover quickly; only a small percentage require NICU care beyond the basic interventions.
• NICUs are graded by levels (I-IV), and knowing what level your hospital offers can help families prepare—higher-level NICUs can treat more complex issues but aren’t always necessary for uncomplicated births.
• If your hospital isn’t a level III or IV, babies needing higher-level care may need to be transferred, which could mean temporary separation from parents; hospitals always work to reunite families as quickly as possible.
• NICU nurses are passionate, skilled, and deeply care about the babies and their families, creating a loving and safe environment even during stressful times.
• Parents can support their recovery and milk production by getting rest and using NICU technologies (like webcams) to stay connected—it’s okay to take breaks and trust the NICU staff.
• Emerging technologies like Labry’s Life Bubble are making NICU stays safer and more comfortable, allowing parents to hold their babies even when special catheters are in place.
• Skin-to-skin contact in the NICU is highly beneficial for both babies and parents, helping with bonding, milk production, and even neurodevelopment; parents are encouraged to ask staff about timing and any concerns about wires or tubes.

Producer: Drew Erickson

PUT TRANSCRIPT HERE:

Keywords:

NICU, neonatal intensive care unit, premature babies, neonatologist, types of NICU levels, level 1 NICU, level 2 NICU, level 3 NICU, level 4 NICU, hospital delivery, separation from baby, bonding with baby, skin-to-skin contact, umbilical catheters, infection prevention, NICU innovations, Labry, Life Bubble, technology in NICU, neonatal health, maternal health, NICU nurses, milk production, pumping breast milk, trauma of NICU stays, baby monitoring, necrotizing enterocolitis, artificial womb therapy, premature birth complications, hospital transfer, parental tips for NICU, emotional impact of NICU

The post What Every Pregnant Family Should Know About the NICU appeared first on Pulling Curls.

I also have a youtube video on the same subject:

Stop Being So Rigid

I think most of us (including me with my first baby) think — Ok, I need to schedule that hospital class.

You look, it’s Tuesday nights from 6-9 which when you add driving there, parking (UGH, hospital parking), driving home and feeling EXHAUSTED from a long day. It can be a LOT.

The good news is a lot of birth classes are available on demand any more. There may be possibly some through your hospital.

I think there’s a lot of good from finding a class that is NOT with your hospital though.

So, I’d look into options.

Here’s some posts with some favorites:

• Best Online Birthing Classes Taught by a Labor Nurse
• 14 Best Online Childbirth Classes for Couples
• Pregnancy & Baby Preparation Classes I Recommend

That hospital class can be tempting, and some are GREAT (I taught for my hospital). BUT couples are so hungry, tired and often can’t both come to the sessions leaving one to take notes… it’s just not always feasible. Check out your other options!

Do YOUR Work

While a class is great, some of birth is just thinking about what you want for your upcoming birth.

BTW, a good birth class should NOT be telling you what you should want for birth. No choice is right for every couple. Going through a good birth plan with an expert can help this a lot. I have a free birth plan series I think you’ll love (bonus: it’s super fast)

Look for Time-Appropriate

I so often see classes with like 15+ hours of content for your upcoming birth. And I, even though I do this for a living, sort of want to die at that thought. It’s overwhelming!

The thing is, you’re just there for the basics, and then you apply that to your situation by going to prenatal visits, learning to ask the right questions, etc.

You’re not looking to learn how to deliver a baby, or memorize the chemical make-up of oxytocin. You’re just there to get the basics. You’re hiring your provider as the expert!

Personally, I think this can be done in 3-4 hours. Beyond that you’re looking a lot of practice for natural pain management techniques. And while that’s awesome, it’s something you can do on your own while in the car or waiting for appointments.

Book Club It

For some of you, you may not be planning on anyone coming to your birth with you. However, most of you likely have a partner in this with you (be it the dad, your mom or a boyfriend/husband/partner).

The good news is you can book club it.

Yes, I do mean have some amazing snacks, but the idea here is that you each sort of take a section, and get the high points and report back.

A lot of couples just leave this to the person who’s giving birth — like it’s her job to take the full class and then report back. I, personally, think this is a bad habit to get into. Both should be involved and learning. It starts you off on the right foot. Make sure you get a class that’s for both of you.

Key Points Only

Looking for just the cliff notes of birth. I get you, and I see you. I am you in a lot of my life.

Which is why I recommend this class that has a key point only section. It is going to highlight what you really need to know. Couples love it.

If time together is slim, a lot of them book club the meat of the class, and then watch those key point videos together.

What NOT to do:

It can be tempting to do things like:

• Just watch a few social media channels
• Ignore it entirely
• Think your doctor has the time to prepare you at appointments
• Focus just on baby prep (like cute outfits and bassinets)

I’m just here to say that is a recipe for birth trauma…

It can feel “good” to have watched things on social media but it’s so important to miss the important parts that way — leaving you making a “no one ever told me” about birth — when in reality, you didn’t look to the right sources, and ultimately just have yourself to blame on that one. Plus, it’s hard to know what’s “true” on social media and what myths you’re learning. You want the REAL deal from an expert!

Ignoring it can also breed false confidence. It’s an important part you need. Don’t ignore it!

Doctors don’t have the time to give you the basics and apply it to you at appointments. I’d much rather spend my time with an expert applying the basics (that I can learn in multiple places) to my situation.

It’s really easy to think you just need to prepare for baby to come home, but learning about 3rd trimester testing, labor, birth & postpartum will be the biggest gift you give yourself. Much more than cute outfits or some important baby gear item you may only end up using a couple of times.

The good new is there are lots of ways to get prepared for your upcoming birth anymore. We used to only have those evening classes, but now you can shove birth prep into your mornings, your late nights or weekends — and possibly get even more prepared that way.

I recommend this class.

It was created for couples, it’s taught virtually and includes a way to ask the instructor any questions from within the class. You’ll feel so much better getting prepared, not being scared for your upcoming birth!

How are YOU getting prepared? Tell us down in the comments!

The post Worried About Birth, but Don’t Have a Lot of Time to Prep? appeared first on Pulling Curls.

Bond with Baby Before Birth:

The best, BEST thing to do to bond with baby is to do kick counts. Now, before we get started a LOT of people tell you to do kick counts the WRONG way and I’m here to stop that — so grab my kick count cheat sheet right here:

As a labor and delivery nurse of 20 years — I really know what I’m talking about on this one.

BUT, why can kick counts help you bond with baby? It’s a great question, because some people just say it makes them feel anxious — but I’m here to say, maybe they’re not doing it the right way?

First off, the cliff notes of kick counts is that you note the time, sit there and feel for 10 movements, and then note the time again. Then, each day you’re just going to look for a pattern. I recommend getting an app that will help you sort of chart them and maybe start to see a pattern. Most often we start kick counts at about 27 weeks.

And, if you have a million questions — I hope I answer them in this episode:

But, WHY would these simple kick counts help you bond with baby. Let me give you three ways.

Map that Baby

Do you wish you had a window you could peek into baby? The thing is, you do — but it’s baby’s movement, not an actual window (because, that would probably be really bad — all things considered).

Those bigger kicks are probably legs, and the smaller movements are likely arms…. heads can shake and dig…. You truly can figure out which way they are in your womb, and you can be the expert on their movements — but you gotta “listen” — and kick counts is a GREAT time to do that!

Dream

I think a lot of kick counts is a time filled with anxiety if baby will give them the movements, but I would say it’s a time to close your eyes (and obviously feel for movements) but just dream about life with this baby.

In case you need a few jumping off points:

• That first smile, how it will capture your entire heart
• That first time they realize what Christmas really is, and how magical it is.
• Have a favorite childhood haunt — how amazing it’s going to be to share it with them…
• Their first few halloween costumes where you get entire say over what they’ll be and how your heart just explodes as you see them toddle around in it.

And, as a mom who’s been around a few blocks — the amazing feeling of pride you have in that little person when they graduate college or high school or just any big accomplishment. You think that heart explodes with that first smile, but when you see them work so hard on something big — oh man, insert me crying here.

You are going to have so much wonderful life together. So, dream about it as you count those kicks.

Involve Others

It’s amazing to feel the kicks yourself but involving someone ELSE you love can make it even more amazing:

• Partners
• Other siblings (kids LOVE to help with this — and they need to bond with baby too!)
• Mom/Friend

It really is amazing that you’re able to produce an entire other person inside your body. Let’s feel how amazing it is, together.

If you can’t tell I’m a huge kick count advocate and I think there are SO many benefits. Remember that fetal movement is your best indicator of fetal well being and any big changes in fetal movement outside their normal pattern should take you into your provider.

When done correctly fetal kick counts save 33% of stillbirths — that means 1 in 3 parents would have a baby with them, rather than just grief. Those stats make me wildly passionate about it. DO it. :)_

Looking for more info on kick counts — be sure to check out these posts:

• Kick Counts Made Simple: FAQs, Expert Tips, and Why It Can Save Babies’ Lives
• Normal Daily Fetal Movement – Kick Counts
• 7 Things You’re Doing Wrong in Your Third Trimester
• The Importance of Kick Counts with Emily Price from Count the Kicks
• 35 Weeks Pregnant Checklist

Ok, so I think kick counts are the best ways to bond with baby — but what can you do right when baby is out to bond with them? I’m glad you asked…

I want to mention, really fast, that a lot of this made me feel insane in the beginning. To be doing this with someone who could barely even interact or look at me in the eye felt weird — so if you’re in that camp, I see you — and I promise this will get better and start to feel more natural.

Read Them a Book

This was the easiest one for me — I often was too tired to even think of something I could do with them — but I did get a few board books at my shower and we’d look at them together.

Now, often children’s books don’t work great for newborns to LOOK at (they still love to hear you talk though). Their brand new eyes need high contrast — and once you give them something high contrast you’ll see some serious attention from them. I think these are cool — but I also had some black and white images that I laminated at my local school supply shop, and they worked well too.

This high contrast phase doesn’t last long, but when they’re still sort of a pile of goo — it’s your best option.

Don’t feel like you have to READ the book – -you can just point out the lion and say “rar” — they just love your voice, and learning, and you can give them that!

Really quick, Kiwi Crate offers a cool infant crate that you can find right here. You can get toys tailored SPECIFICALLY to where your baby is at. As a parent who literally had NO idea how to “play” with a baby — they would have been so helpful for me!

Feed Them

Feeding time is a GREAT time to get their attention, to chat and just enjoy each other.

I see a lot of people saying that breastfeeding promotes better bonding, but I honestly have no idea why. It was still me there, holding a bottle (on top of breasts that wouldn’t feed them) — so, we still bonded a LOT as I fed them.

This takes a LOT of your day — so it makes sense to make the most of that time.

Of course, any of your other “functional” time will be like this. Changing diapers, putting clothes on — chat it up with them!

BTW, if you’re like — I’m weak on those baby tasks, I totally get that. I recommend this.

Sing to Them

Now, you have to take this time when they enjoy your singing without any sarcastic comments — take it!

Have a favorite pop song? sing it.

Have a favorite children’s song? — sing it?

No idea what to sing, put some children song’s or lullabies on your favorite media player and find a few that you love to sing to them.

It doesn’t have to be intricate, you don’t have to be good at it, but just you smiling and dancing with them to some tunes will build that bond in a fun way.

And while we’re at it – -dream about those dance parties you’ll have in a few months with your new favorite toddler. There is a lot to look forward to!

Narrate Life

This one felt the weirdest, but I think it’s so important (and later, when I’d drive to work without them I’d find myself still doing it — and thinking I was insane).

But in reality, I was just a really good baby/toddler mom.

If you’re like — what would I say? You’re just going to narrate the whole day. You can take it more of a Morgan Freeman type method, or you can just be like “arm! This is your ARM — we’re pulling it through your SLEEVE.”

We’d go on walks and I’d talk about the crunchy leaves, the bright sun, the wind on our face.

I’d make dinner telling them about all the ingredients and why I chose this delicious recipe for dinner.

When we were changing the laundry I would tell them what color the shirts were, or we’d count the socks. I’d love them feel WET clothes and DRY clothes….

We’d be in the car and I say oh GOSH there’s a FIRE ENGINE and woah, there’s our favorite ICE CREAM place, and now that’s the library where we get BOOKS….

Again, you’re just narrating it — and bonus points if you make it fun and exciting by changing your voice as you do it. They love that!

This the best teaching you can do as a mom, and someday your little one will say “fire engine” from that back seat and you’ll realize you’ve been teaching this whole time.

Let me say that we’ve sort of been taught that we need fancy toys, or the best gear to teach our kids — but let me be the one to tell you that:

• Feeling for your baby to move
• Narrating your life
• Allowing them to experience life with you

Are some of the very best things you can do to both bond with baby and promote learning for them.

Mostly I just want to encourage you to try.

It may make you feel anxious, or silly, or maybe it is the freedom you’ve always wanted to be a little silly with a purpose — I think that’s what it brought out for me.

While we’re here, I love that you’re getting prepared for baby — but I gotta ask are you preparing (and bonding) with your PARTNER? That’s why I created this. Getting prepared together is one of the smartest things you can do — because both mom & dad need these skills to help that baby to grow and be the big, strong, smart influence you want in this world!

Not sure we’re a good fit check out my free class — It’s your first step towards being your own birth boss.

The post How to Bond with Baby: Before Birth & After appeared first on Pulling Curls.

Before we get going — why on earth take the word from someone at “Pulling Curls???” Great question! Many of you may know me as The Pregnancy Nurse®. I’ve been a nurse since 1997 and I’ve got 20 years of beside L&D experience. Now I’m the internet’s go-to birth educator. I’m so glad you’re here with me!

Honestly, so many women ignore this part (to really poor consequences, ultimately), so I’m really glad we can chat about this!

Invite

This one can feel like you have to do everything (including invite them), but they may also not want to over-step. For instance, they probably don’t want you coming to their physicals, so they’re not sure if you want them there with you at appointments. And, some women don’t WANT their partner’s at the appointments — everyone’s different, and communication is key (as always).

And frankly, it may not be the best use of your family’s time, but invite them. See if they can come!

(and don’t get your feelings hurt if they can’t — work is tricky to shift around)

Tell them you’d love them there for:

• Appointments with your provider
• Any classes you’re doing through your provider
• Ultrasounds or other testing

Sure, you can do the 3-hour glucose on your own, but when they’re there to support you it allows them to actually see what you’re doing to keep this baby healthy and may help them have a mind-shift as to their part in all of this.

Now’s a great time to share this post with them — I have a partner series they might be interested in:

And, if you’re thinking there is ZERO chance they want emails from me — grab this birth plan series and invite them to sit down and help you with your birth plan. They get a say in this too (especially the baby choices):

And while we’re here — invite them to do kick counts with you. I honestly didn’t even think of it til’ I was talking to some people about them. It reminds them that this pregnancy is real and there are things both of you can do to stay safe. And, if you’re thinking “kick counts”???? I have a cheat sheet (because I’m shocked by how many providers share them wrong):

Kick counts are also awesome to do with baby’s siblings — fun for the whole family to feel for baby to kick!

Share

Since you’re here (LOVE that by the way) you’re likely watching videos, reading articles and maybe following a few good sources on social media (be sure to watch those sources) — you’re starting to get prepared for this birth.

So, use those share buttons when you have an aha moment that you think would benefit them.

I’d also recommend including a message about why you thought it was important (maybe to differentiate it from any cat videos you usually send).

I’d also bring it up as you’re at home together — “Hey, honey — did you get that video from The Pregnancy Nurse I sent you? I thought it was so cool to learn what contractions actually do — isn’t it amazing???” This will clue them in to the fact that this is important to you. I always have to remind myself that they’re not mind readers….

BTW if you’re looking for more articles to prepare you for labor — check these out:

• Informed Consent During Pregnancy: Knowing Your Rights
• You Don’t Need to Know Everything—Just This Before Birth
• Vacuums, Forceps and Birth: What Every Parent Should Know About Assisted Deliveries
• Kick Counts Made Simple: FAQs, Expert Tips, and Why It Can Save Babies’ Lives
• 5 Things I Did for a Faster Labor

Prepare

While reading articles, watching videos or reels (btw, be sure to follow The Pregnancy Nurse on your favorite platform — You Tube, Tiktok, Instagram, Facebook) is amazing — I just want to share a few facts about using social media for prep:

1. There are a lot of poor sources out there, and sometimes it can be hard to tell who’s good, and who’s not (especially on short-form videos — people are very good at acting like experts).
2. You’re going to waste a LOT of time — so many repeats (hello to all my kick counts videos — I you — but I’m sure it gets old if you’re watching me over and over again). I feel this as I look for gardening content online.
3. Your partner isn’t with you — you’re going to get a LOT of good info, but you want them prepared too (without you having to sit down and teach them everything you know).

That’s why I created this.

• Taught by an evidence and experience-based expert you can trust
• Cut-out the fluff (and no repeats) to get you prepared in record time
• Engaging to where you’re both going to enjoy it. It’s the class for both of you!

I am proud to say that class has prepared thousands of couples since 2016 and I update it constantly to make sure it’s up to date for what you’ll be facing in the hospital!

Ok, — how involved is your partner in this birth prep? Do you wish it was MORE, or are you just not sure how to best involve them. I know you’re busy, and using your time wisely during this busy season is smart. Let me know in the comments.

I’m so glad you’re here getting prepared with me. Want more articles on getting a supportive partner?

• How to Be a Supportive Husband and Partner During Pregnancy
• What To Do About A Selfish Husband During Pregnancy?
• What to Do If Your Girlfriend is Pregnant
• Can I Breastfeed my Husband During Pregnancy?
• My Boyfriend Says I Feel Different Inside During Pregnancy

The post How to Get Your Partner Ready Before the Baby Comes appeared first on Pulling Curls.