Time in a Bottle

This is most likely our last child. No, I’m not doing anything that requires snipping (nor is Drew) but with the kidney stones, the length of time it took us to get pregnant, the diet {ugh, the diet!}… and the size of our house seem to all dictate this is the last time I’ll be pregnant.

There are SO many things I’d like to never experience again. Most of them revolving around the kidney stones, also the pelvic separation thing that makes it pretty sad to watch me walk in the evening… there are plenty of parts of pregnancy that I am wishing I could bottle up so I could remember what it’s like.

The main one is the baby inside. Sometimes when you check a woman the baby’s hand is the first thing you touch, and they’ll grab at your glove. It is a truly freaky experience — because as a nurse you sometimes forget it’s a little human inside that woman. It’s hard to picture it — a whole human, inside you. But she is. The good the bad, the ugly, she’s in there. I currently give her life. It’s an amazing thing if you can wrap your head around it — and thankfully, most days I can’t — or I guess I don’t think about it. Last night she had hiccups (which drives me insane)… and I just realized that each day she’s in there is the last time I’ll have entire control over her. Heavens knows how I love to have control over stuff. She is getting pretty pushy in these last days. Who knew my stomach wasn’t large enough for something? Well, she thinks it’s getting cramped. Little does she know, our house is also very small. Thankfully, I can still proudly say that my stomach is smaller than our house.

Anyway, there are things I want to remember about this. There’s feelings I have that I wish I could keep forever, but I’ll forget, and soon she’ll be telling me that she hates me and leaving for college. Just trying to take it all in.

In other news, I took apart my purse yesterday. I’ve been carrying around a smaller one anyway, so I took all the stuff I had in my larger purse and put it in the diaper bag. Just giving up small parts of my life, until she takes everything, including my will to live. :)

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Comments

  1. says

    It is so nice to have them inside and under your control…kindof…but there are so many nice things about having them out too! Now is this time to enjoy her inside and look forward to her being out! Personally, when I am at your point, I would much rather have them out than in, but people have called me crazy before!

    I wish you the very best in your last days. BTW, I haven’t got your package mailed yet…sorry!

  2. says

    I totally understand, this is definitely our last baby and while I’m somewhat relieved, I’m kinda sad too. First kicks, a reason to sit on the couch and do nothing, etc. Good luck in the following days-man you’re close. I get/have to enjoy this for 3 more months.

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