Love

I am teaching Relief Society on Sunday. It’s about love. It’s a real issue for me, since much if it is about family love, and marital love. I am in love with neither of these things right now.

I am losing my mind.

  • I haven’t worked in about 2 weeks, and I’m not doing so til’ late next week. This is the only alone time I have during this time of year.
  • I am so tired that I’m not doing anything for “me”. In fact, I let part of my cleaning slide yesterday, and of course now I’m having to make it up today (which usually only happens when my blood sugar is 37 and I am in a coma).
  • My husband is very busy with his job right now but I feel like I’m parenting 3 boys. Or parenting 2 boys and being the maid, chef, personal assistant for the other. I get that he’s busy with work, and I know that when Thanksgiving break comes he’ll realizing that I’m pulling the handcart with not only all our stuff, but he’s lounging in the back as well. It always happens, I know it will, but it doesn’t mean that I’m not at my tipping point.
  • Because I’m so tired it always leads to behavior issues in the kids because I’m too lazy (and then a busy ornery husband comes home and doesn’t seem to help our little mix).
  • On Monday night at dinner we gave our highs and lows for the day, and mine was going to my pap smear appointment (well, my doctor doesn’t do pap smears on pregnant ladies unless they’re high risk but a speculum appointment doesn’t sound all that fun now either, does it?).
  • When I tell my kids that mom’s on the edge they push harder, and then say “wow, you’re in a bad mood.”

I’m on the verge of tears as I type this. And I am NOT a crier. I blame the hormones and my stupid diet that is ever-unchanging at this point (even if it involves a delightful amount of cheese).
So I have 3 goals for the day, in hopes it will help my lesson.
1. No more looking at the news. I can’t read any more about how people hate me and my church. It’s their problem, not mine.
2. I am gonna proof pictures for at least 10 minutes.
3. I’m gonna write down 3 positive things about all the loves of my life. Hopefully working on the lesson will be just what I need. And hopefully it won’t end with me drooling, asleep on the keyboard.

Go team.

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Comments

  1. says

    4. Go. To. Bed.

    You are growing a baby. It’s not easy work. Cut yourself some slack.

    Feel better. If I lived near you, I’d come right over and help you.

  2. says

    What is it that boys don’t get about, “I’M GOING TO GO OVER THE EDGE IF YOU DON’T START BEING AN ANGEL CHILD RIGHT THIS MINUTE!!!”? Stress & sleep deprivation & hormones & un-helpful family members, man. It’s the pits. I wan to hear this lesson on love, I’ll bet it’s gonna be a really good one, because you. are. amazing.

  3. says

    You are carrying a BIG load…give yourself some credit. Let the cleaning slide…it’ll be there when you’re ready. Growing babies is tough stuff and you’re doing great.

    I’m following your lead and banning all news for the rest of the day. Considering I just had a crying breakdown at lunch over it all….you’re right, it’s their problem not mine. Truth always wins out in the end…I just need to remember that.

    Great idea to focus on three positive things…..might have to follow your lead on that one, too!

  4. says

    Hilary,
    I’m sorry you’re overwhelmed and sad. You have such high standards for yourself, I bet your house is fine and you could let it slide even more! (You should see MY house) Anyway, every woman reading this empathizes with you. It’ll all be okay!
    Sarah

  5. says

    If you need help…(which I know you will never admit to) I am here to chase munchkins if you just want a couple of hours to yourself.

    I have so much to look forward to being a wife and mother….*sigh*

    I’m following your lead on eliminating my intake of info about the prop 8 protesting…I myself had a breakdown this last couple of days. My poor husband just didn’t know what to do but try to comfort me as I sobbed. I thought I was going to lose one of my closest friends (she is gay). But alas, even though she is upset that I voted yes she still loves me and we just got back from dinner with her and her girlfriend. This whole thing has been very hard for me because of my relationship with her as a wonderful friend for the last 7 years. Anyway, i’m babbling….Just wanted you to know you have support on this end. Hey, we’re the closest family you have out here (as far as I know) so use that to your advantage ;)

  6. says

    Dear friend – please let me take your child(ren) so you can get some alone time. You. Need. It. I was in your boat just a mere 6 months ago. You need to take care of yourself now because your lack of sleep and your family’s intense dependence on you are only goign to get worse!! Call me. NOW.

    Love you like crazy.

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