Monday, May 30, 2011

Falling Through and Falling Apart.

I have to say, the whole house thing falling through has put a serious dent in my life/spirit.  I would have to describe myself as miserable about 80% of the time.

I feel like nothing will work.

I feel like nothing IS working.

I feel like our house will NEVER sell (at least not for real).

I wont get the job I want.

We won't find a house that I somehow think is out there (I will admit to continuing to lust after a home that is already under contract, and has been so for a long time, it's not good for my soul -- but I still do it).

I can't put it all together.

And while I do feel like God is in charge, part of me feels like this trial is NEVER going to end and I will be living like this forever.

So I just want to say this is how I feel.  I'm tired of people asking me what we'll do if our house doesn't sell.  I'm tired of people telling me to just find an OK house and buy it or just to rent.  I'm just SO tired.  I feel like this year of layoffs is never ending and it won't ever change.

And that is how I feel today.

But on a memorial day like this I can at least be grateful for so many amazing ancestors who went through much worse then this.  I am grateful that my family is all here, and together, and for the most part healthy.  There are SO many things to be grateful for... but I hate to delude you all into thinking I am Mary Sunshine.  I'm having a hard time just plodding through life lately. 

But life goes on.  {God is in charge, don't jump off the plane}

1 comment:

  1. I so feel some of your pain. Selling and buying is seriously so stressful. There is no way around that. The sale of our condo (years ago) fell through the day of closing. And ever since then...I am just completely paranoid about the whole process. Not to mention a lay off and a new job too. What you are doing is a BIG deal. So it is okay to let yourself worry and fret some. How can you not? From my perspective you are handling it well...venting so you don't explode and recognizing that it WILL work out. I always wished it would fast fwd a few weeks. I know it doesn't help for people to say 'It'll work out'...because please, they don't really know. But you WILL figure it out, what ever 'it' is. You just aren't capable of letting things fall apart. It's just the control freak in you (and me) that causes sleepless nights. Take a breath. Go do something fun.


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