Mawidge. Mawidge is what brings us togeda today. Wove, twu wove… the dream widin the dweam…. name that movie! Here’s a hint, I have something from it inscribed on Drew’s ring.
I know, you’ve all stalked Drew’s ring.
Shame on you.
I went to a marriage recently. In our church, it’s actually called a sealing, although you are also married according to the law at the sealing. The sealer said something really thought provoking. He said that we really can’t comprehend all the love that it will take to create an eternal marriage.
That got me to thinking.
I haven’t been shy with marriage being hard for me. I really have my own will, and I want to follow through on that and not have to wait for others or consider their needs.
Me, Me, Me.
But marriage really isn’t that, and I’m not sure I had a full concept of that. I, in fact, married a man who truly adores me. I kind of thought he’d just do my bidding until God called us home.
But, because he has a spine he hasn’t done just that.
And it has required us to have love, and in fact our love hasn’t been enough.
In the LDS church, a sealing is considered a covenant, which is a promise you make with God. So, you may be able to picture our marriage as a promise with 3 people, my husband, myself and God. And sometimes I really need God to kick in his end. I need His love to make mine and my husband’s love enough.
1. Have regular date nights.
We don’t always leave the house anymore. Our kids are pretty self sufficient, so sometimes we just kick them out of the living room or we will go watch a movie in our room. This is imperative to have some shared experiences that are just he and I. Super important. While in nursing school a nurse I was working with (who was male) shared with me that he felt it was irresponsible for parents to go away from their children. He and his wife had never left their children. Ever. I can’t even imagine (and they had some enormous number, like 5 — which is a lot when I’m 20). I got such a creepy feeling when he was telling this 20 year old girl all this that I there resolved to consistently leave my children. 🙂 And I do. It’s a line item in the budget, and possibly the most important one.
2. See what page everyone is on frequently.
This has been super important as of late. I need to know what page he is on, and he needs to know what page I am on. I need to know if he’s had any spiritual impressions for our family, and the same goes for me. Life is fast and hard and I NEED to be on the same page as my husband. And I often need to be able to do that without children. We haven’t always been the best at saying prayers together at night. At about 8 pm I turn into a zombie and he sometimes might feel like he needs to kill me to stay alive, but we have been doing better at saying prayers together at night, and it is a great time to see what page everyone is on. You are almost always dealing with a crisis, be they big or small.
3. Worship together.
My husband and attend the temple together, but you and your spouse will need to figure out what this looks like for you. We need to keep the “God” part of our marriage healthy. I do believe that a “marriage” is about God. You can believe whatever you want but I think that’s what God put us here to do, and I believe marriage makes us better people, both separately and we are a dynamite duo when you put us together, and God planned it that way.
I remember being 21 sitting in church with all these smiliarly-aged women just gushing about how wonderful their marriage was and how much they loved their husband. I wondered what was wrong with me? Was I the only one who found this to be hard, to give up my will for our will? There are times you’ll want out, but #3 is often what keeps us together. I figure if we’re in a promise with God he can give me the strength to make it work. And He does. Because if we were relying just on me it would be, just me. No us. It’s hard, it takes work. There’s no shame in that.
Marriage is a wonderfully hard thing, and I really love that saying I said at the beginning. You will need endless love to create an eternal marriage. I just hope I have enough for today. 🙂 And in case you missed the quote from above — here’s my favorite wedding scene….
This post is part of a blog hop with these fabulous bloggers! We’re talking about our marriages, giving tips, and sharing what we’ve learned but most importantly defending traditional marriage between a man and a woman. I’m grateful to live in a country that allows for change but I am still a strong believer of marriage between a man and a woman.