Tonight was the General Relief Society Conference for church. For those of my non-member friends, the church's relief society is for the women. It is a service organization, as well as a sisterhood that just helps, and learns together.
When I went I felt SO alone. I'd called a lot of my friends and they weren't going, I did find one that was going but she sat on the other side of the chapel but I felt SO alone. I often wonder if anyone feels as awkward alone as I do. I'm sure they do, but I sure do the feeling of not having friends. I remember when I first moved here I went, and I didn't know anyone else in the room. I just felt sick, felt like I'd never know anyone. Of course, now, here I am 4 years later with similar feelings (although I do feel like I have a lot of friends around me).
Some things that seemed to stick-out was that women naturally have greater feelings of charity towards others and that throughout time we have looked for a way to be an instrument in God's hands. Women who crossed the plains were searching how to best serve God, just as I am.
I also feel a great responsibility to share God's love with everyone around me. I fear that I am far too judgemental on someone's color or choices they've made (smoking, piercings) that i might not be as welcoming as I could be. I need to get over that stuff, and fast.
I also just felt great when several of the speakers said that we are doing better in our lives than we think we are. I tend to be over-critical with myself, but I always feel behind, and I'm glad to know that an apostle of God thinks we're all doing ok.
I then went to dinner with a couple friends. It was so great. The stark contrast of the friendship I felt at dinner vs. how I felt waiting to find a friend at the stake center is interesting. Friendship like that should be something that just keeps me "warm" inside -- being friendly to everyone else, knowing I have great friends "behind" me to back me up.
And that, my friends, is my evening.