Friday, September 21, 2007

Who's the Adult Here?

Now that I'm done with ACLS I can concentrate on resuming my blog reading, etc. As well as diving into a pile of fabric that at some point, will be our Halloween costumes.
Anyway, I was reading a blog -- I won't name it, but some avid blog readers might recognize who it is.
Her child is out of control. She runs the house. She is an only child and the parents have pretty much let that be fine. They do things based on her needs and schedule... and while I'm fine with that to a point.....
Well, lately I've been catching myself. Spencer has been particularly obstinate about things lately. Not wanting to put his own socks on, wanting to wear sandals all the time (I am sensing a feet obsession as I type this), not wanting to clean-up when it's time. Stuff like that. Now, my lazy-little-tired-of-studying-and-being-a-single-mother-on-most-days-self says "Self, I don't want to have this war... it'll be fine just this once." Now, that argument can work on occasion. Like, when your holding your head over the toilet bowl, or other extreme cases -- but it just doesn't cut it on a regular day, with just a regularly tired mom. So, I realize that this mom is the adult in this house. I pay for everything in his life, I provide him worlds of pleasure and education and dang it... I make the rules. So I do. I lay the rule and he has to follow it.
Now, this isn't to say that I'm not one to pick my battles, but I don't think that running around in sandals when it's raining is something I want to compromise on. So, I don't.
And lately I've realized that many parents haven't realized that they are the adult. If it comes down to it, we can stay home all day long if he doesn't want to put his shoes on. He can miss-out on lessons, and playing and Sesame Street all for his own obstinacy (is that a word?). Yes, it is a world of punishment for myself, and it's by FAR a worse punishment for me then him, but it has to be.
My boss doesn't let me be in charge (if I was, I'd have a really sweet salary), she wants me to like my job and have benefits which I enjoy... but there are things she doesn't compromise on.
Conner's teacher doesn't let him run the roost. She does a great job at praising the positive (in fact, it's one of my most favorite things about her) but the law is the law and if you break it you suffer the consequences.
Anyway, it's a beef I have with some parenting. I know what an easy trap it is to fall into (it's covered with leaves, bark and some island grasses) but once you fall-in you realize it's just a manure pit... and you'll be suffering there for quite some time.
Now comment.
Really, it's easy. :)


  1. Amen. And that's all I have to say about that.

  2. miranda8:41 PM

    I agree, kids need boundaries and parents who set them. Thanks for the thoughts...

  3. AMEN! Can I say it again, AMEN!!! I just don't see how some parents don't get it that bending to a child's every whim is doing them SUCH a dis-service. Like I always say, my style is more nazi than nice! It's for their own good.

  4. Children need to feel like they get to make decisions. So you trick them into thinking they are in charge. For example: "Spencer do you want to wear your blue shoes, your green shoes today? What do YOU choose?" I want my sandles mommy. Oh that's not a choise let me repeat your choices....add stay home as the third choice. In a nice calm voice-they get to feel in charge. It works most of the time around here.


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