Friday, May 20, 2011

Hello Advanced Maternal Age.

As my uterus starts to shut down, and my eggs start to turn into raisins I took the time to reflect on my life.

Does anyone remember on American Idol, a few seasons back when the guy said, "my spirit has been ba-roken"... one of my favorite moments. :)



I just felt, yesterday that my own spirit had been broken.

Remember in the Wizard of Oz when all of her 3 friends have gotten what they wanted and she's so proud of them, and then the wizard comes to her and she says, "I don't think there's anything in that bag for me." (at about 3 minutes in this clip).  Don't you feel so bad for Dorothy in that moment?  She's the leader, the head of her little band of friends and they all got what they were looking for and she's just got a dog.

I mean, I just think that the high school is SO excited to have Drew, he is just what they need.  Drew is excited to go there, it's a perfect fit.  He's excited to go to ASU and he's always wanted to go there....

And I'm happy for him.  Just like Dorothy was for her friends.

But sometimes I am just not sure there's anything left for me.

And then this AM I was reading my scriptures.  This week in Sunday School we're studying Faith, and how Faith healed the people.  I love the statement when he tells them their "faith has made them whole."

The thing is, God isn't the Wizard of Oz, and his black bag is infinite and he has better ballooning skills (note: metaphor going awry).

I think you have to re-covert yourself every now and then.  I also feel like my faith muscle gets TIRED.  I mean, I've been flexing it since March.  You'd think I'd be Arnold Schwarzenegger of faith by now (btw, what a mess THAT is).  Anyway, today I realized that my faith WILL make me whole and that there really is something for me.

I just have to wait.

And get some ruby slippers.  Won't those be cute for the summer?

I'm just getting impatient, and there really is no need.  The job that is right for me is out there, and I'm going to find it.  And the house that's right for me is out there, and I am going to find it.

End of story.

Except the fact that I did have a pretty terrible birthday.  Conner stole the treats that I was planning to use as bribery while Drew was gone.  I got a couple of random un-announced requests to see our house (I love those, just makes me feel like my house should be spotless 24/7).  P hasn't been sleeping.  Drew's gone so it's all me.  There was a giant cockroach on my garage.  Need I go on?  Drew did send flowers, and it's likely we will remain married. :)  But, who needs to celebrate your eggs starting to dry up and blow away...

2 comments:

  1. I can relate to this. Having babies and young children fill our lives with so much purpose, we never think of what is next. Now my youngest is 13 and my children are pretty independent and I find myself wondering who I am. It's corny, but it's true.

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  2. I can so relate to this! I haven't hid official "AMA" yet, but very close, we're waiting for our perfect house, and I hate the "can we come look at your house in half an hour?" calls. Hope things start looking up soon.

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