It can feel like you need to check out some textbooks from you local hospital before you go in to have your baby, but I’m here to tell you that is NOT the case at all. You really need one skill, and frankly –a lot of people aren’t good at it — so today I’m going to share what the skill is and how to strengthen it in yourself.
In case we haven’t met yet hello, I’m Hilary – many people know me as The Pregnancy Nurse®. I’ve been a nurse since 1997 and I have 20 years of L&D experience plus three kids of my own. I have read the textbooks — and I’m here to tell you this skill is likely much more important.
Before we get started, grab my best labor tips right here:
What YOU Need Before Birth
You need the ability to make choices for yourself in the moment.
Yes, a birth plan is nice. I love that you’re at least thinking about the choices you’ll make at birth (and how to communicate them) but the reality is that it’s really hard to make these types of choices in advance.
You don’t want to be induced, but if baby stops growing in the womb and needs to come out — would you choose to do it?
You don’t want a cesarean, but if baby heart rate is dropping a lot during your labor — would you choose it?
Somehow I think people think they can “manifest” these things not happening to them, but I swear the more you dig in your heels before labor the more Mother Nature just shows us she’s in charge (which I hate).
So, you need to learn how to make choices in the moment. How do you do that? Frankly, people aren’t often the best at it. When we come to those big choices in the labor room sometimes I just get a lot of blinks and they say “whatever you think.”…. but I think it is something we can work on in ourselves…
Here’s 3 tips to strengthen making good choices in the moment:
Make Choices in Prenatal Appointments
Many prenatal appointments just flow. You’re not having to make choices during it.
But, when your provider offers a test or an ultrasound ask them why?
Sure, you’re likely going to get that ultrasound, but ask why?
And then make the choice to get that ultrasound. Don’t let them make that choice for you.
Honestly, from the outside it looks very similar to everyone else, this is really something that happens inside of you.
Here’s a few more examples:
They say to take a prenatal vitamin, and you ask if they have one they can recommend or which vitamins you should be checking in the one you have — and you make the choice which one is best for you.
They say you need an ultrasound in your 3rd trimester — and you ask why? Baby seems a little small, and they just want to be sure baby is growing well. That sounds smart to you, so you make the choice to have that ultrasound.
And then the choices get bigger….
Baby is measuring small and they recommend an induction. And again — you get to ask questions and make the choice.
- Maybe you think you could wait and get another ultrasound to see if baby continues to look that way
- Or, you think it is best to get induced
Either way, you make the choice in the moment.
BTW, I have a whole post on what to do when baby is measuring big that teaches this skill also!
SO often online I see people saying “I an choosing to not have an induction” when they’re mid-pregnancy and I just think you can’t make choices like that early on. Things change, you change, baby changes. You have to LEARN to make choices in the moment.
Don’t Avoid Choices
This is one I see a lot. My doctor said I “had to get an ultrasound”. When I very well know that doctor wasn’t picking you up and carrying you to that ultrasound.
I can’t TELL you how often I hear people say they were “forced” to get an induction.
And I get it, they felt out of control and like they didn’t have choices.
But I also see them avoiding the choice. They’re letting that doctor make the choice for them.
Honestly, making choices is hard. I also run an organizing class (because, why not) — and I see the pain of decluttering. It’s constant choices of if you keep something, or let it go (and possibly need it down the road).
Most people ignore those choices by just keeping a lot of stuff in their house that they don’t want (and then suffering the consequences when they can’t put things away or find what they need).
But in the medical field, people ignore those choices and just say their provider “forced” them into something.
So, today I want you to promise to start making choices.
- Ask questions from experts to get the information you need
- Make a choice
- Be aware you could also change your mind if things change (I love that part)
I actually see a fair amount of people get a doula to help them avoid making choices. They think the doula will make choices for them when in reality a good doula just helps you with the process I outlined above about getting the information. A good doula does not make choices for you. No more than a bad doctor making choices for you.
Get the Basics
Ok, I said you didn’t need to read the textbook. And I stand by that.
That is really why you have a doctor — because they understand all of that, and can make recommendations based off what’s going on with you and what research shows. That is their job.
But, having some basic information really puts you miles ahead.
Things like:
- Understanding 3rd trimester testing so you can go more in depth about why your provider wants it for YOU.
- How to labor at home for a while, what to do and how to make the choice to go to the hospital
- How to use natural pain management either instead of an epidural, or in conjunction with it
- How inductions happen, so you know a bit more about what you’re facing
I’m not saying you need to know about the chemo and baroreceptors and what’s happening with your oxygenation. That’s not your job.
But you need to know the basics.
For such a long time we’ve felt like Lamaze was what we needed to prepare for birth. While those classes were very helpful, they’ve somehow been boiled down to just natural pain management.
And ultimately, they’re not helping you with the ONE skill you need — making choices when the time comes.
I’m not saying that natural pain management isn’t important. I’m saying that it’s just part of the picture.
Now, where do you find something that can help you get the basics? I recommend this class.
It’s totally doable—just the basics take around 3 hours.
It’s taught by an unbiased expert you can trust (SO important in this field)
It’s also budget-friendly—unlike a lot of other classes.
Oh, and did I mention it’s going to help your partner support you in this big skill? You won’t be alone!
You can even get started today right here!
Ok, how are you on this big skill? Is it something you could get better at? Honestly, I think we could all get better at this skill — and the more we all improve with it, I think the better healthcare will be!
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