Today’s episode is on setting goals with kids. How can you motivate them, while also helping them find their own self-motivation? Plus, how do goals with kids change as they age?
I have a special guest on — one of my favorite people. Camille Walker from My Mommy Style. We met at a blog conference, she is so happy and positive. She also has kids of different ages than mine, so I think we are a good combo for this episode.
Camille has a few products that might help you set goals with your kids
- She has a cool goal setting worksheet she just came out with!
- And, if you’re following the Come Follow Me Program — she has a Come Follow Me Printable.
- As we mention in the podcast, she has a Screen Freeze Handbook
- And, she has a parent/child interactive journal called A Time for Us
Big thanks to our sponsor Family Routines: How to Automate your Housewife Life. If you’re looking to get your family into routines that support your priorities it is the course for you. Remember to use the coupon code mentioned in the episode!
Other things that might interest you:
Producer: Drew Erickson
Check out my other parenting podcasts:
Hilary Erickson 0:00
Hey guys, welcome back to the Pulling Curls Podcast. On episode 24 we’re talking about resolutions. That’s right. Just what you want to do is make some goals for the new year, right? In fact, we’re not talking about goals for you. We’re talking about goals for your kids. So if you’ve been thinking about helping your kids, like, make goals and make plans, which I think is such an awesome thing. Today we’re going to talk about that. I have a special guest that’s coming on and we’re going to kind of talk, also about how the encouragement of goals changes with time. So if, you know, you’re the mom with a toddler who feels like you’re going to have to give an m&m for every single goal for the rest of your life, you may not have to! So, let’s untangle it.
Welcome to the Pulling Curls Podcast. Where we untangle everything from pregnancy, parenting, home routines, even some family travel. Because, heavens knows, our lives are tangled. I’m your host, Hilary Erickson.
Okay guys, I have a guest on today, but I kind of wanted to tell you my philosophy of goals before we have my good friend on. I am a huge goal setter, but I wasn’t always that way. There was a good period of my life, especially with tiny children, that I was just kind of floundering. I… I kind of had some mental ideas about how I wanted to change things like if cleaning was an issue or… really getting into organization, but I didn’t really write them down. But the more older, maybe, that I’ve gotten…. Mature, maybe we’ll use the word mature, I’ve definitely gotten into writing them down. And especially growing my own business, it really helps to write things down. But I think it would have helped to write things down just as much when I was, air quotes, just a mom. So, I am big at setting goals at the New Year.
And then probably even my bigger time is when school starts. But, every month, I try and have some goals or some things that I want to work on. And in fact, sometimes I don’t really have goals, per se, but I do a lot of setting intentions, which sounds kind of “woowoo” and crazy. But it’s just saying, putting out into the universe, “We would like to get a new car,” or, “I would like to be better at this thing.” And sometimes I mean, huge percent of the time, things just come into my life that kind of, fill that niche. So, let’s say I want to get better at podcasting. Somehow, I meet someone who’s good at podcasting, who’s willing to talk to me about it. And so, by setting that intention, it’s kind of like setting a goal, in that I’m able to really make headway into the things I want to focus on.
Now as far as my kids, they are not particularly awesome goal setters. We always try and set them at the new year. And, I just get a lot of eye rolls and not a lot of follow through. So something I’ve done is every Sunday, I have a meeting with my kids. And in my planner, we set a goal for the month. And it’s just kind of what they want to work on. I try, really try, to make it so that it’s not my goal for them. I want them to be setting goals that they’re excited about and want to make a change in their own life. And then, each week we kind of review that goal, things that they’ve done well, things that they could do better on, ways that I could help them with that goal. All those different kind of things. So right now my daughter is working on not having her older brother trigger her as much. We talked a lot about grocery shopping and how she’s just giving her brother just what he wanted. He wants to tease her and he wants to see her go crazy, and she does. But, so she’s going to work on that, and my son is working on building some more hobbies. Instead of just maybe, being on his phone. I’m not sure that’s a hobby, but he seems to think it is. So, he was going to work on some other hobbies that he could have. So, those are kind of the things we’re working on right now. Every age is different. And each kid picks that goal. I tried not to. My daughter, I hundred percent agree with her goal, but she actually picked it. So she knows it is a problem. And she’s now wanting to work on it. But, you know, we just talk about them every week. And, sometimes during the week when I see them doing awesome at the goal, or maybe, not so awesome at the goal, I might mention it.
But, you know, we don’t have a reward chart anymore. We definitely did when my kids were little. I was big on the charts. But, the older you get, you really need to self-incentivize. You need to have the grit and determination to make that goal happen. And you need to be excited for the perks that that goal would give you. Because my daughter would love to not be teased by her brother as much. And so the perk of not going crazy when he teases her is he’s not going to tease her as much and she realizes that that’s the incentive versus like, I’m going to take you out for ice cream if you don’t scream at him.
So that’s kind of how I do goals. Today, I’m going to have a guest on. We have been friends for like, five years. When I met her I was just, instantly attracted to her. Jeez, when I introduce guests, it’s kind of awkward. But anyway, she is the blogger at My Mommy Style. And in fact, she has a Screen Freeze Handbook that gives you charts and printables. So, if, having your kids use screens in a better way because she understands that screens are part of our life, but this handbook is going to help walk you through kind of like how you want to use screens more intentionally in your home. So, it’s really cool and awesome. And I’ll have the link in the show notes and she is also one of my favorite dancers. We always end up at a conference where there’s a fair amount of dancing and I love to get jiggy with my friend Camille Walker from My Mommy Style.
This episode of the Pulling Curls Podcast is sponsored by Family Routines: How to Automate Your Housewife Life. Ever wish life was more like you pictured it would be before you had kids–being able to spend less time at the mundane tasks and more time teaching kids the fun and valuable life skills you know they need? Family Routines teaches families to simplify daily tasks into routines that help them feel more peace and joy. Save 15% with the coupon code UNTANGLED. You can find it at pullingcurls.com and the menu under COURSES or in this episode’s show notes.
Hey, Camille! I’m so excited to have you here on my podcast. Welcome!
Camille Walker 5:14
Yay. Thank you so much for having me. I’m excited to be here.
Hilary Erickson 5:17
Yeah. Okay, Camille, are you a natural goal maker?
Camille Walker 5:21
I am a goal maker and a shaker. I love making goals.
Hilary Erickson 5:25
Yeah. That doesn’t surprise me, knowing you, Camille.
Camille Walker 5:28
Hilary Erickson 5:30
Yeah, you’re a go-getter. Yeah, so do you set goals all year long? Are you kind of a new year’s resolution girl?
Camille Walker 5:37
Ooh, I tend to do a bit of both. I feel like I will go through and make intentions for the year. But then also do re-evaluations, usually month to month. Where I kind of take a check, to see where I am. And then it fluctuates throughout the year with like, my health goals and challenges like that, depending on, you know, how things are going in that department.
Hilary Erickson 6:00
Yeah, I’m kind of the same way on that. So do you have your kids cycles? Are you big on having them write stuff down too?
Camille Walker 6:06
Yes. The thing that I found most successful with my kids setting goals is to do a weekly meeting with them. And in the way that we’ve done that, it’s ebbed and flowed right now. Actually, last night, I was talking to my husband about some financial goals that we have. And, we were discussing, times that we’ve done really good with it, and times that we haven’t done so good with it, and 100% that difference has been whether or not we’re doing weekly checkups with each other. And with our kids. And so I feel like sometimes those really big goals that we want to tackle aren’t going to be doable or successful unless we’re writing them down. And you chip away at them in small ways–day to day, week to week.
Hilary Erickson 6:46
Yeah, I think people think there’s a magical goal fairy. But, it really is just those, checking in with yourself or with your spouse, your kids. I like that a lot.
Camille Walker 6:55
So I didn’t really answer your question. Let me go back. Let me go back a little bit. So, you won’t be able to see this visual for those who are listening. But behind me, there is a, family chart that we have where we’ve represented chores and goals that the kids have that we will do our weekly meetings with. So how it works is, we’ll call them in one at a time, typically on Sundays, because that’s when everyone told me we are most likely able to continue the routine. And we will talk about the chores that they did that week, how well they did with those. And then we also have them set a weekly behavioral goal and a skills goal. So for example, a behavioral goal for my younger child, say my three year old, may be to scream less, and this is legit. So instead of saying, scream less, what we might say to give that a positive spin is to use a kind voice more.
Hilary Erickson 7:49
Camille Walker 7:50
So, how often are you using a kind voice? What are you, how- in what ways could you use a kind voice? How did you do this week? How could we improve next week? And they help decide what those goals are and how they could improve it. So, for my older kids, working on a skill like that, could be, practicing the piano, if they’re doing piano. Or it could be a financial goal. Like, I have a son who really wants to become an entrepreneur, and develop his own source of income. Which is great. And so, with him, we’ve been talking a lot about what it is that he could do, and fulfill… that doesn’t involve me. So, because I don’t want to work more. If he wants to earn the money, that’s great, but I tell him, “it needs to be something you’re passionate about, and something that I don’t have to be on top of you to keep doing.” So, his most recent idea is to take a really trendy toy called the Tech Deck, and purchase them and then resell them. And I think that’s a great idea. It is a trend. So we’ve talked about “well, how long is that going to last and is that sustainable?” So we go through a lot of these questions, and he has a very entrepreneurial mind. And so I love that about him. And… so, setting goals and things like that just vary so much depending on the age. But week-to-week makes the biggest difference.
Hilary Erickson 9:06
I love how there’s lots of different things. You’re not just focusing on behavior, you’re talking about skills and all the different things that make a great kid. And I love how you frame that “no screaming” in a positive way. I need to use a kinder voice at my house. Well, that’s awesome. I really like that. So how do you encourage them? Do you? Do you provide an incentive? You know, if he uses the kind voice throughout the week, do you, you know, you shoot him a gummy bear every time.
Camille Walker 9:33
You know, it’s funny how that changes. Because I feel like that anytime that you’re setting up a, say, a chore list, or, an accountability chart for something, kids, almost always do better when they’re incentivized by something. And so that can ebb and flow. I’ve done different things depending on my energy level for maintaining that reward system and the interest of my kids. So, we have done a weekly store. Like a family store. And we did that with this system that we used. And that seemed to work really well. The one thing I struggled with, with that, is that there were a lot of trinkety-type toys, and I didn’t love the extra, just stuff. You know, junk in the house. So I’ve been trying to turn that more into opportunities for us to connect as a family with… with activities. So maybe it’s allowing them to stay 15 minutes later at night, or go get ice cream with mom or dad or, another one that we’ve done before is a movie, or a friend night or something like that. So it’s something that they are working towards. For my older kids, now that are starting to earn money, a lot of times for them, it’s something that they’re working towards a big item. And so, my oldest son has started doing like, mowing the lawn for us on Saturdays and he’s working towards buying a bigger item. And so we have bank accounts set up for my two oldest and when they earn money rather than giving it right to them, we will put it right into their bank account to help them earn that, that goal.
Hilary Erickson 10:59
That’s awesome. I actually find that so much easier because I don’t have to have cash on hand. I can just transfer it in online.
Camille Walker 11:05
Hilary Erickson 11:05
Yeah. And it’s better because then they don’t just buy a bunch of crap at the book fair.
Camille Walker 11:11
Hilary Erickson 11:11
Well, this is awesome. Camille, I really like your ideas on this. Now, Camille has a little bit younger kids than I do. So that’s awesome. And don’t you feel like the reward system kind of changes, younger to older? For sure.
Camille Walker 11:22
100%. Yeah, it really does. Because the same things that motivate a three year old, do not motivate my 11, almost 12 year olds, it’s a very different world. Screentime is a big reward thing around here. My kids love screentime, which is something that I really try to, I’m very passionate about keeping that at a minimum. And they know that, and they understand the reasons why, but they love it. So that’s something I don’t completely cut out of our lives. But for my older kids, screentime is a big reward for them, that they love.
Hilary Erickson 11:52
Yeah, so as I mentioned in the intro, Camille has a Screen Free Handbook that comes with printables and all the things you guys need in order to do that screen free for 30 days at your house. Right, 30 days, is that what you’re aiming for? Or forever?
Camille Walker 12:03
Yeah, well, no, the challenge is set up so that you’re taking a 30 day snapshot of how screens are being used in your home and regulating them. And then from there, moving forward with a healthy balance for you and your family. Because that’s different for every single person. So, the 30 Day Challenge is a survey that you do with your kids, with yourself, how you want to move forward with maybe, using it as a reward or not. And how you set a healthy balance in your home so that everyone feels more connected.
Hilary Erickson 12:33
Right. So that is awesome, especially for a mom of teenagers because it’s part of our life. They have to have the screens, but we need to make them healthy. That’s probably one of our goals at our house at least once a month with my older kids. So that’s awesome. Alright, thanks so much for coming on, Camille. I really appreciate it. Hopefully we gave some people some good ideas about making goals with their kids.
Camille Walker 12:52
I hope so too. Thank you so much for having me.
Hilary Erickson 12:54
Okay, you guys. I hope you really enjoyed that interview with Camille. She just has so many good ideas and she also has kids that are a little different age than mine. And so I hope you guys appreciate that interview and it sparked some ideas on how to get your kids to be goal setters. If you’d like to know more about setting goals with your kids, you can check it out in the show notes. This is Episode 24. You can check it out at pullingcurls.com/podcast. It’s also a menu option if you’re on my site.
Big thanks to our sponsor, Family Routines. If you’re wanting to get into a routine of doing goals with your kids, it is awesome and it’s really going to help you set intentional priorities for your kids so that you’re not spending each day just kind of, wrestling with the daily chores that you’re doing.
Again, big thanks to my friend Camille for coming on. She had so many good ideas and she has lots of good ideas. I think she’s such a great mom and I love how she, as her blog says, knows that every mom kind of has their own style and does things their own way. So, it’s so awesome. Check her out at mymommystyle.com or @MyMommyStyle on Instagram.
If you liked today’s episode, I would love it if you would subscribe, review…. Actually I’d love a review the very most, if we’re going to be honest. It means a lot and it helps more ears hear our podcast. I hope to have you with us next time. We drop an episode every Monday. And until then, I hope you have a tangle free day!
Transcribed by https://otter.ai