Pregnancy can be a long battle with submitted our will’s to both the baby’s and mother nature. What can you learn from that experience that will help you on your pregnancy journey!
Today’s guests are Brie Tucker & Joann Chron from The No Guilt Mom (both the website & the Podcast where they teach you how to love being a mom again. Do NOT miss their free homework checklist. My daughter did it and it REALLY helped her regulate herself and her homework routine.
Big thanks to our sponsor The Online Prenatal Class for Couples — get your confident delivery in just a few hours. Plus, I will remind you about all you can learn from your pregnancy. Be sure to use the coupon code mentioned in the episode!
What You Can Learn from Parenthood from Pregnancy and Labor & Delivery
In this episode
What you can learn from a surprise cesarean section
How infrequent a delivery follows your birth plan.
What you can learn from a prolonged hospitalization antepartum about parenting.
Other things that might interest you
Hilary’s ideas on birth plans.
Producer: Drew Erickson
Check out my other pregnancy podcasts:
[00:00:00.205] – Hilary Erickson
Hey, guys, welcome back to the Pulling Curls Podcast. Today on Episode 87, we’re talking about what we learned. And in fact, I have like two teachers on to talk about what we learned. It’s extra perfect. So let’s untangle it.
[00:00:21.985] – Hilary Erickson
Welcome to the Pulling Curls Podcast, I’m Hilary, your curly headed host on the podcast, where we untangle everything from pregnancy, parenting and home routines. I want you to know that there are no right answers for every family. And I find that simplifying my priorities is almost always the answer. It’s tangled just like my hair.
[00:00:46.705] – Hilary Erickson
OK, guys, before we get started, just click to subscribe, you know, you have a favorite podcast player, get in there, find the Pulling Curls Podcast if you’re not listening to it already and click subscribe. OK, on today’s podcast, I’m super excited for it. We have some awesome guests. They are the voices behind the No Guilt Mom podcast. And beyond that, they have such great hallmark information. We had my youngest take their homework class, which is to be done by the kids.
[00:01:12.045] – Hilary Erickson
They also have one for parents, but she did the kids one and it took so much pressure off of me. It was amazing. So I’m having to talk about like pregnancy, but really, they’re amazing parenting resources for you guys. So I want to welcome today’s guest, Joann Crohn and Brie Tucker from the No Guilt Mom podcast.
[00:01:30.895] – Hilary Erickson
Do you feel prepared for your delivery in just three short hours? You can be prepared for the competent collaborative delivery you want, you’ll know what to expect and how to talk with your health care team. And there are no boring lessons in this class. I’ll use humor stories from my 20 years in the delivery room to engage both of you. I love how Alissa told me that she found herself laughing at things that used to sound scary. Most of all, you guys are going to be on the same page from Bump to Bassinette.
[00:01:55.705] – Hilary Erickson
Join the online prenatal class for couples today, you can save 15 percent with coupon code UNTANGLED. You can find the link in the show notes. Hey, guys, welcome to the Pulling Curls Podcast.
[00:02:08.975] – Joann Crohn
[00:02:10.035] – Brie Tucker
[00:02:11.635] – Hilary Erickson
Yeah, so this one’s going to be kind of a different thing than what we usually do. It’s not like me teaching or talking. We just want to have a discussion about what we learned about parenting from pregnancy and labor delivery.
[00:02:23.365] – Hilary Erickson
And there’s so much to learn about parenting from pregnancy and labor delivery, like so much happened.
[00:02:28.495] – Hilary Erickson
Well, and I think it just really prepares you. And maybe you don’t realize that until later.
[00:02:33.325] – Joann Crohn
Until later, because you expect, like, everything to go according to plan in labor and delivery. And of course, that never happens.
[00:02:41.275] – Brie Tucker
I just keep thinking of a rewrite of that poem. Everything I needed to know, I learned in childbirth. Maybe.
[00:02:48.505] – Hilary Erickson
OK, Joanne, it sounds like you have some feelings. What did you learn in in maternity, your maternity zone that you carried into parenthood and was helpful?
[00:02:55.955] – Joann Crohn
OK, so I, I have two kids, one who’s 12 and one who’s seven. And with my 12 year old I, I like, wanted to experience birth. And all of my family had C sections before, like my mom, my grandma, like we attributed it to like our big head that runs in our family.
[00:03:15.685] – Joann Crohn
But like I was so determined not to have that happen. And then, like, I think 30 weeks in, my daughter was breech. They found my daughter was breech. And we just like we scheduled a C-section the day after my delivery date. Or like maybe she’ll turn, maybe she’ll turn. I even had, like, a little like a virgin.
[00:03:34.525] – Joann Crohn
What is that called, a virgin? Yeah. Yeah, I had one of those which we stopped, like, because it hurt way too bad. But then she was born C-section the day after her delivery. And you know what? It’s so funny because I went into labor the morning of my C-section, which I think was cruel because I get to I got to experience contractions, which I did not enjoy whatsoever, but then, like, she was magically taken out.
[00:03:59.785] – Joann Crohn
So there was an end point to that as well. So I think, like that experience taught me that you you can’t plan for things in parenting, but, you know, they’ll turn out OK anyways. And the same with with my son, like I had planned for a V-back with him. I went to the Bradley Natural Childbirthing classes. I was so ready. And then three days after his due date, they’re like, oh, let’s just take a little, you know, ultrasound, see what’s going on, breech. Breech again.
[00:04:26.815] – Joann Crohn
And so we scheduled his C-section for the day after.
[00:04:32.215] – Joann Crohn
And that that was great because I didn’t go into labor for that one. So I didn’t get to experience that. But again, it’s like you can have plans and you can think about how it’s going to go, but it usually doesn’t end up that way and it’s still OK. And I think that’s what I take from it.
[00:04:46.765] – Hilary Erickson
Oh, man. It’s such a good lesson for parenting, right?
[00:04:49.345] – Joann Crohn
[00:04:50.095] – Brie Tucker
I think it’s, I think it’s true. Like, I, I hardly know anyone that had a perfect delivery or at least let me take that back. Not perfect delivery, but had the one that they planned in their head down to their birthing plan. I hardly know anyone that’s had that. No, I don’t I can’t think of anyone.
[00:05:06.565] – Joann Crohn
Know. I think if anyone that’s like that…
[00:05:08.515] – Hilary Erickson
Well, I think every patient deviates somewhat because. Well, also, how do we picture it? Because it’s like Hollywood’s made labor and delivery to look a certain way. So you have one thing in your head and it’s just very different when you get in there.
[00:05:20.665] – Joann Crohn
And it’s so wrong. It’s so, so wrong. Like, I got to see actual labor and delivery because my sister, she had her first baby last year. Well, 2019 actually.
[00:05:30.955] – Joann Crohn
That’s how I got to be in there and oh it was nothing, nothing like I pictured it being and actually watching her go through the labor process and she had no epidural at first. She went through it for like a good 12, 14 hours before he just was not moving, her son. And so it looked painful.
[00:05:46.735] – Joann Crohn
It looked painful. And then, like her face puffed up from all the pushing.
[00:05:50.575] – Joann Crohn
And I’m like, did I really want this? No, I didn’t.
[00:05:55.675] – Brie Tucker
That’s actually what I was going to say.
[00:05:57.145] – Brie Tucker
Like, so so I had a similar situation where, like, mine did not go the way it was supposed to. My first pregnancy is what you would call a pit bull, and my second pregnancy was super close. She was a… When the heck did did we make that baby? Yeah, we were like, I don’t ever remember doing what needed to be done.
[00:06:16.195] – Brie Tucker
And and just looking back at it, I was always really upset. I saw a little bit of guilt that I never got to go through childbirth, like not because I had C sections for both.
[00:06:24.505] – Joann Crohn
Have you got to watch childbirth?
[00:06:25.855] – Brie Tucker
No, I have not.
[00:06:26.965] – Joann Crohn
All my guilt went away after watching my sister.
[00:06:28.945] – Brie Tucker
I think that’s what it is like. But but you’re going back and you’re going like, OK, you didn’t go to plan, but everything still worked out beautifully. And I can. And maybe it’s of those things were like, you have that guilt. But then once you go back and see it, you’re like, nope, I’m happy with the way things turned out and the same thing with parenting. There are things that you miss out on during parenting like, oh, first steps didn’t work out the way I wanted them to or oh, first word, I wasn’t there when that happened.
[00:06:51.625] – Brie Tucker
I so wish I had been there. And then you get a twelve year old, I won’t shut up. And you’re like, OK, I know I don’t. It’s ok. It’s OK.
[00:06:57.655] – Brie Tucker
Here we go. Well ok, ok. I’m saying twelve but maybe more like three.
[00:07:03.405] – Hilary Erickson
Just saying the other day that my 16 year old there was a point where we wished we wondered if he would ever talk, turns out he talks plenty, right?
[00:07:10.695] – Brie Tucker
Yeah, exactly. Careful what you wish for.
[00:07:13.455] – Joann Crohn
We had that with my son, too. He was, 2 and not talking. And like you always compare it to other people. And like my daughter, she was like talking at like ten months.
[00:07:21.615] – Joann Crohn
She was just so verbal. And then when he got 2 and wasn’t talking, I started worrying and fretting and looking every like at all the research and whatever. And then a month later, bam, it was a verbal explosion.
[00:07:33.975] – Hilary Erickson
I think with the second one, the first one talks so much he never needed to talk until he went to kindergarten.
[00:07:38.535] – Brie Tucker
So, yeah, it’s hard with that man. And I come from like I had my background was in early intervention, so I worked with all the kids. So I was like uber paranoid and worried about all that. And it’s funny, my first one, Robert, was the quiet one.
[00:07:53.205] – Brie Tucker
Like I had him evaluated and everything in his first word was car, whatever it couldn’t throw thrown out a momma there, but it was car and it took a while. He was a little bit late on getting it, but I was hyper aware. And I was I was just I was I was stuck in my head. And that happens with parenting, too.
[00:08:08.655] – Brie Tucker
I feel like a lot like we see all of these articles or watch out for this. Watch out for that. And you get stuck in this loop in your head that there’s something really wrong going on. And sometimes we just need to take a breath, wait a little bit, and then there it comes.
[00:08:20.055] – Hilary Erickson
Yeah, yeah. I have a hard time because everyone’s like, well, the studies show and I’m like, studies are great. But you the study is not on you.
[00:08:26.595] – Hilary Erickson
You aren’t the one that they did the study on in your body is so different. And everyone’s like, well, evidence based birth says. And I’m like, exactly. But that’s like a study.
[00:08:35.385] – Joann Crohn
Yeah. And they’re like percentages too, because, I mean, there’s always people who fall outside of those and you’re like likely to be one of those people.
[00:08:44.415] – Hilary Erickson
Yeah, it’s hard. So that’s why you have good professionals, right. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:08:48.945] – Hilary Erickson
OK, so mine, mine. Mine was based in pregnancy and I felt like I especially like on my third I started to really realize the fine line between my own well-being and the baby’s well-being. Right. Because like there was all these things I was supposed to do for the baby and stuff like that. But it was starting I’m starting to like lose my mind over it, like doing kick counts. Like I didn’t always have time for my kick counts.
[00:09:12.135] – Hilary Erickson
And sometimes there were things they didn’t end up happening because I just had to take care of other things in my life. And I think it’s still a balance. I’m working out with a twenty year old, you know, is trying to find that balance between living your life and then devoting every single ounce of you to that baby, right?
[00:09:28.725] – Brie Tucker
Oh, my gosh. One hundred percent.
[00:09:30.345] – Joann Crohn
Yep. And it’s finding that that balance because, I mean, with my first I beat myself up over breastfeeding like I heard everything like breast is best, breast is best. And when I sat down to do it, it was the most painful experience. Like I would like she would latch on and I would be like hitting my foot against the coffee table. I just waiting for that initial pain to go away.
[00:09:51.585] – Joann Crohn
And then to top it off, she wasn’t gaining weight appropriately. And so, like I you have that guilt about not feeding your child enough. And there is so much like wrapped up in this baby head. And I was not keeping it together well at all. I had to go get therapy. And in that therapy, my therapist was like, all that matters is that you feed your baby. And I’m like, you’re right. All that matters if I feed and I stopped breastfeeding that day and went to formula.
[00:10:18.435] – Joann Crohn
And I was a much happier person.
[00:10:19.785] – Brie Tucker
And I have to throw this out there about the whole breastfeeding thing. I think that that is something that a lot of us mothers beat ourselves up over. A lot of us struggle with it. And I was just laughing with Joanne about this earlier because I was like, you know, those nurses in the hospital, man, they are baby feeding machines. Like, you have your baby, they give you your baby and you’re like, OK, I want to breastfeed.
[00:10:40.365] – Brie Tucker
And they’re like, pop, pop, pop, pop up there she is eating and it is comfortable and it is great and it’s awesome. And you go home with your baby cause you’re like, yeah, I could do this. Yeah. And you do.
[00:10:49.545] – Brie Tucker
The breastfeeding is more like Bom, bom bom bom bom bom bom… Ow! It’s not working!
[00:10:52.875] – Joann Crohn
That without any comparison. And Brie’s like body movements right there.
[00:10:57.825] – Joann Crohn
The first one was like quick karate chops and the second one was like a tired ninja like.
[00:11:03.345] – Brie Tucker
Like dropping the ball on the field, the athletes at the goal. Yeah. So yeah. And I think that a lot has… We compare ourselves with the experts in the hospital like as a labor and delivery nurse, like the nurses there, they do breastfeeding for tons of babies every day. They know exactly how to do those movements. And then we beat ourselves up because we’re not perfect.
[00:11:23.415] – Brie Tucker
This is our first time. You know?
[00:11:25.755] – Hilary Erickson
I have to say that even as one of those who went home, it’s not as magical. It’s so much easier to get a baby on the breast standing above and away from the breast than looking down your breast.
[00:11:36.075] – Brie Tucker
So funny, that’s good to know. Like, yeah, because I think that’s just that’s just a hard thing there.
[00:11:41.085] – Brie Tucker
And and yeah. I know what you’re talking about too with it, with trying to balance everything for your baby, because like with my first pregnancy I had a placenta previa, but my, my doctor was like, well you know, it may work out on its own and don’t freak out. And yeah, Flash forward I was hospitalized for like twenty four weeks and then they sent me home and then they gave me a clear to have them like regular and then ended up having him again.
[00:12:03.435] – Brie Tucker
C section, because I had another bleed and it was just, yeah, ba ba ba blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. All right. But I remember just like telling myself I had to sit in this hospital room, I was only allowed to get up twice a day once to take a shower for five minutes. And I had to sit in the shower chair. And once if someone came to me and gave me a little ride in the wheelchair.
[00:12:23.655] – Brie Tucker
So like, I had lots of visitors in, like the first week or two. And then, like, once I hit, like, you know, month two.
[00:12:28.815] – Joann Crohn
Oh, I would’ve come and visited you if I had known you.
[00:12:31.905] – Brie Tucker
You’re so sweet. Yeah. So I just remember being, like, really sad and crying myself to sleep at night thinking I had to do this. I had to be unhappy because it’s it’s what I had to do for… For my… For my son. And looking back.
[00:12:47.925] – Brie Tucker
And I really wish I had just like reached out and told somebody that, like, I’m losing my mind, I, I miserably sad and then the same as you like. I was super depressed after I had him because it didn’t work out the way that you ended up in the nick. You it… It didn’t work out the way you thought it was going to.
[00:13:02.655] – Joann Crohn
Yeah. It’s all it is. It’s super hard. It’s like and that brings up to mine.
[00:13:07.845] – Joann Crohn
One other thing that I think translates into parenthood is because how hard it was with my first like I didn’t I was the first of my friends to have a baby. No one else knew what it was like to have this infant with you all the time. And so when my when my son was born, like we had gone into Bradley classes. So I had a group of other mom friends who we were all due around the same time within like within one or two months of each other.
[00:13:34.005] – Joann Crohn
And we actually we weren’t friends so much in the class. But after the class, as soon as the babies were born, oh my gosh, we had weekly lunches where we just sat around and like we’re breastfeeding and we had each other as support. And that made the entire difference with my second pregnancy, because I had support. I had people who empathized with me. I had people to discuss stuff who were going through the exact same thing I was.
[00:14:00.495] – Joann Crohn
And because of that, I was able to get through a lot of the challenges and struggles. I mean, I ended up breastfeeding my son almost two years because I was able to get through those first two months and get the support I needed to take away the pain, to learn how to nurse laying down, which was a game changer and just make it through. And I think that’s parenthood, too. Like if you have connections with other parents and other moms and people who are going through the same thing you are, it’s easier to get through those challenges and not get so down and exactly.
[00:14:30.555] – Joann Crohn
[00:14:31.165] – Brie Tucker
Yeah, because you’re not alone. Yeah. You’re not like you’re alone, but you’re not alone. So yeah. I think that’s a huge lesson learned too there.
[00:14:37.785] – Hilary Erickson
Yeah. And side note for moms that are pregnant, almost every hospital has a new moms group. I know even during covid ours was done online. So there is ways to like get that friend group even if you feel like you don’t have the friend group. Yeah. All right. Well, this has been awesome, you guys.
[00:14:53.805] – Hilary Erickson
And I will say that if you choose not to breastfeed, I promise it’s not the worst decision you’ll make for your…
[00:14:58.245] – Joann Crohn
It is not like from someone who is both sides, like totally equal. Like if I was actually working during my daughter and I don’t think I could have made breastfeeding work as a working parent.
[00:15:08.835] – Brie Tucker
Well, especially as a teacher.
[00:15:10.035] – Joann Crohn
Yeah, as a teacher I could and I stayed home with my son and that’s the only way I was able to make it work.
[00:15:14.625] – Brie Tucker
I like that you said that, Hilary, because one of the best pieces of advice I got from a coworker while I was struggling with breastfeeding my son, I think she had said that her doctor, she had she had struggled with breastfeeding one of her kids. She had like three. And the doctor went, it’s OK if you feed them formula. She’s like, no, no breast is best. And he goes, hey, guess what? I was formula fed and I’m a doctor.
[00:15:35.025] – Brie Tucker
[00:15:36.345] – Brie Tucker
Yeah, I like you said that. It was like, oh yeah, I guess so, huh.
[00:15:40.575] – Hilary Erickson
Yeah, it’s crazy. I think we put so much pressure on ourselves unnecessarily and it’s just going to be more confusing as the older they get. So yeah. Enjoy those newborn days. Exactly. Yeah. All right. Thanks for coming on. You guys have fun. Fact about Brie and Joanne. They live like three miles away and we’ve seen each other like three times what we talk all the time on the Internet. That’s how Hillary lives her life.
I hope you guys enjoyed that episode, though. I think there are a lot of things that you learned during pregnancy that you take with you. Now, I’m a big believer that our babies are born completely helpless for a reason. I always watch animal birth and I’m like, look how much that animal can do that can eat on their own. Like giraffes. They plop all the way down, they hit the floor and then they just get up and start walking.
There is none of that in the labor room if you are inspecting that. So it’s just I think our babies were given to us so that we could grow a very strong bond to them by helping them do absolutely everything in the beginning. So it was just a little tidbit I wanted to add.
Thanks so much for joining us today. I hope we help smooth out a few of the smiles in your life. We drop an episode every Monday and we always appreciate it when you guys share and review until next time.
We hope you have a tangle free day.