Remember how I was making so much progress last post.
We got an offer. It’s an awful offer and nowhere near what we thought we’d accept except that Drew would like to go to graduate school and maybe this is the path that’s supposed to bring.
But I just have to say that I’m tired of my hopes and dreams taking a backseat. I am now looking squarely in the eye working night shift, but for about 1/3 less then I am making now. There is a good chance that I should get a “real” job while I’m at it because Drew’s benefits aren’t great and we’ll end-up paying a lot for insurance out of his meager earnings.
I just feel unloved.
I feel like God maybe likes Drew more then he likes me.
I feel just like I did 10 years ago when we came here. I feel like what I want doesn’t matter, and I feel like my dreams of staying home more will always be dreams until my kids are so old that I can’t even see them.
I feel tired and I feel like my family is out to get me.
I also had a really crappy shift last night at work and I’m still tired from that. I’m fairly sure this situation would “hit” me better if I had an inkling of sleep within me.
This isn’t to say that I don’t love my family and my husband.
I just thought I’d get this out there, because I know a lot of people feel this same way. I know that life isn’t always easy. I know that we have it about a million times better than most people, so I should stop complaining.
But somehow that doesn’t really all help right now.
**Just a reminder that this blog tends to have the highs and lows of my life. This, of course, is a low. I am fine, I am still functioning. I went to the grocery store today and I smiled at people as though things are fine. Because, in fact, things truly are fine. Again, so lucky.