I am not a good decision maker, I just can’t seem to make up my mind — mostly on the simple things.
But I’ve had to make a decision. Since the hospital I’ve gotten hardly any milk and by day 2 Miss P was done latching on. I kept pumping like a good girl, and I’ve kept it up at home, although I will admit to forgetting a few times. What’s a mother of 3 to do?
Well, it’s been dwindling. I think I reached my peak on Sunday with about 1/2 ounce total between the two sides (did I mention she latched on at the Newborn Club — I was pretty excited about that, but she didn’t gain any weight after feeding for about 8 minutes) I was pretty dang proud, and it even looked milky…
But now it’s like 5-10 cc’s and that’s mostly in the mornings with it diminishing all day. And, yet I keep doing it. I also HATE doing it — it’s 10 minutes I could be doing something else… not to mention it’s not particularly pleasant.
Although, Spencer is obsessed with it. I always see his little head pop in the door when it’s going on. Yesterday he said, “Mom, I think Becky wants her pumpkin back.”
“yeah, that thing.” (pointing to the breast pump) “I bet she wants it back, you should call her.”
So, I’m gonna give her pumpkin back. This morning as I was pouring my 5 cc’s of mother’s love into the bottle I finally decided what I was doing was insane. But part of me feels like I’m making the decision to give her less. No, I won’t dress you today — I’m just too tired of the pumpkin. Of course, there are plenty of times we GIVE them less, we just don’t make the decision to do it. I will ignore your crying to get a blog entry finished, I will allow you to run around our house with chocolate cake smeared on your face because I am too tired to drag you in the bathroom and really wash it off…
Anyway, it’s just hard to make the decision that you can’t do it all. And this is something I obviously can’t do. I did, however, make her 12 burp cloths and bibs, and I worked out during pregnancy so I’m sure it all evens out. Right?
RIGHT? On a brighter note I hate sleeping in a bra. It drives me crazy. I will not miss it tonight.
Of course, right. Besides, you don’t want to have to be on Reglan again, do you? You did good, and she will benefit from you as a mother in a million other ways. Don’t worry.
I don’t know if this helps, but you can actually buy organic colostrum in powder form. Maybe that will help your decision?? I can get you some if you’d like. I’ll double check with my boss that it’s a good idea.
Absoutely right. You are an amazing mom, and you’re making a perfectly rational decision. You can do plenty, so do the plenty you can do. And give the pumpkin back. 🙂
Right, for sure! Send the pumpkin away! Sometimes less is more….for me it was. Leaving the stress of nursing behind allowed me to focus not only on my newborn with less irritation about the whole feeding fiasco, but also allowed me time and mental energy to give to my other big kids who also needed me.