How to Bond with Baby: Before Birth & After

We all sort of wonder if we’ll love this baby when it comes out? — or will we just sort of feel like it’s just a new thing to carry around and add to our life? Today I want to give you some tips to bond with baby both before and after birth so that you can feel all those heart eyes feelings towards your new little person.

Bond with Baby Before Birth:

The best, BEST thing to do to bond with baby is to do kick counts. Now, before we get started a LOT of people tell you to do kick counts the WRONG way and I’m here to stop that — so grab my kick count cheat sheet right here:

As a labor and delivery nurse of 20 years — I really know what I’m talking about on this one.

BUT, why can kick counts help you bond with baby? It’s a great question, because some people just say it makes them feel anxious — but I’m here to say, maybe they’re not doing it the right way?

First off, the cliff notes of kick counts is that you note the time, sit there and feel for 10 movements, and then note the time again. Then, each day you’re just going to look for a pattern. I recommend getting an app that will help you sort of chart them and maybe start to see a pattern. Most often we start kick counts at about 27 weeks.

And, if you have a million questions — I hope I answer them in this episode:

But, WHY would these simple kick counts help you bond with baby. Let me give you three ways.

Map that Baby

Do you wish you had a window you could peek into baby? The thing is, you do — but it’s baby’s movement, not an actual window (because, that would probably be really bad — all things considered).

Those bigger kicks are probably legs, and the smaller movements are likely arms…. heads can shake and dig…. You truly can figure out which way they are in your womb, and you can be the expert on their movements — but you gotta “listen” — and kick counts is a GREAT time to do that!

Dream

I think a lot of kick counts is a time filled with anxiety if baby will give them the movements, but I would say it’s a time to close your eyes (and obviously feel for movements) but just dream about life with this baby.

In case you need a few jumping off points:

• That first smile, how it will capture your entire heart
• That first time they realize what Christmas really is, and how magical it is.
• Have a favorite childhood haunt — how amazing it’s going to be to share it with them…
• Their first few halloween costumes where you get entire say over what they’ll be and how your heart just explodes as you see them toddle around in it.

And, as a mom who’s been around a few blocks — the amazing feeling of pride you have in that little person when they graduate college or high school or just any big accomplishment. You think that heart explodes with that first smile, but when you see them work so hard on something big — oh man, insert me crying here.

You are going to have so much wonderful life together. So, dream about it as you count those kicks.

Involve Others

It’s amazing to feel the kicks yourself but involving someone ELSE you love can make it even more amazing:

• Partners
• Other siblings (kids LOVE to help with this — and they need to bond with baby too!)
• Mom/Friend

It really is amazing that you’re able to produce an entire other person inside your body. Let’s feel how amazing it is, together.

If you can’t tell I’m a huge kick count advocate and I think there are SO many benefits. Remember that fetal movement is your best indicator of fetal well being and any big changes in fetal movement outside their normal pattern should take you into your provider.

When done correctly fetal kick counts save 33% of stillbirths — that means 1 in 3 parents would have a baby with them, rather than just grief. Those stats make me wildly passionate about it. DO it. :)_

Looking for more info on kick counts — be sure to check out these posts:

• Kick Counts Made Simple: FAQs, Expert Tips, and Why It Can Save Babies’ Lives
• Normal Daily Fetal Movement – Kick Counts
• 7 Things You’re Doing Wrong in Your Third Trimester
• The Importance of Kick Counts with Emily Price from Count the Kicks
• 35 Weeks Pregnant Checklist

Ok, so I think kick counts are the best ways to bond with baby — but what can you do right when baby is out to bond with them? I’m glad you asked…

I want to mention, really fast, that a lot of this made me feel insane in the beginning. To be doing this with someone who could barely even interact or look at me in the eye felt weird — so if you’re in that camp, I see you — and I promise this will get better and start to feel more natural.

Read Them a Book

This was the easiest one for me — I often was too tired to even think of something I could do with them — but I did get a few board books at my shower and we’d look at them together.

Now, often children’s books don’t work great for newborns to LOOK at (they still love to hear you talk though). Their brand new eyes need high contrast — and once you give them something high contrast you’ll see some serious attention from them. I think these are cool — but I also had some black and white images that I laminated at my local school supply shop, and they worked well too.

This high contrast phase doesn’t last long, but when they’re still sort of a pile of goo — it’s your best option.

Don’t feel like you have to READ the book – -you can just point out the lion and say “rar” — they just love your voice, and learning, and you can give them that!

Really quick, Kiwi Crate offers a cool infant crate that you can find right here. You can get toys tailored SPECIFICALLY to where your baby is at. As a parent who literally had NO idea how to “play” with a baby — they would have been so helpful for me!

Feed Them

Feeding time is a GREAT time to get their attention, to chat and just enjoy each other.

I see a lot of people saying that breastfeeding promotes better bonding, but I honestly have no idea why. It was still me there, holding a bottle (on top of breasts that wouldn’t feed them) — so, we still bonded a LOT as I fed them.

This takes a LOT of your day — so it makes sense to make the most of that time.

Of course, any of your other “functional” time will be like this. Changing diapers, putting clothes on — chat it up with them!

BTW, if you’re like — I’m weak on those baby tasks, I totally get that. I recommend this.

Sing to Them

Now, you have to take this time when they enjoy your singing without any sarcastic comments — take it!

Have a favorite pop song? sing it.

Have a favorite children’s song? — sing it?

No idea what to sing, put some children song’s or lullabies on your favorite media player and find a few that you love to sing to them.

It doesn’t have to be intricate, you don’t have to be good at it, but just you smiling and dancing with them to some tunes will build that bond in a fun way.

And while we’re at it – -dream about those dance parties you’ll have in a few months with your new favorite toddler. There is a lot to look forward to!

Narrate Life

This one felt the weirdest, but I think it’s so important (and later, when I’d drive to work without them I’d find myself still doing it — and thinking I was insane).

But in reality, I was just a really good baby/toddler mom.

If you’re like — what would I say? You’re just going to narrate the whole day. You can take it more of a Morgan Freeman type method, or you can just be like “arm! This is your ARM — we’re pulling it through your SLEEVE.”

We’d go on walks and I’d talk about the crunchy leaves, the bright sun, the wind on our face.

I’d make dinner telling them about all the ingredients and why I chose this delicious recipe for dinner.

When we were changing the laundry I would tell them what color the shirts were, or we’d count the socks. I’d love them feel WET clothes and DRY clothes….

We’d be in the car and I say oh GOSH there’s a FIRE ENGINE and woah, there’s our favorite ICE CREAM place, and now that’s the library where we get BOOKS….

Again, you’re just narrating it — and bonus points if you make it fun and exciting by changing your voice as you do it. They love that!

This the best teaching you can do as a mom, and someday your little one will say “fire engine” from that back seat and you’ll realize you’ve been teaching this whole time.

Let me say that we’ve sort of been taught that we need fancy toys, or the best gear to teach our kids — but let me be the one to tell you that:

• Feeling for your baby to move
• Narrating your life
• Allowing them to experience life with you

Are some of the very best things you can do to both bond with baby and promote learning for them.

Mostly I just want to encourage you to try.

It may make you feel anxious, or silly, or maybe it is the freedom you’ve always wanted to be a little silly with a purpose — I think that’s what it brought out for me.

While we’re here, I love that you’re getting prepared for baby — but I gotta ask are you preparing (and bonding) with your PARTNER? That’s why I created this. Getting prepared together is one of the smartest things you can do — because both mom & dad need these skills to help that baby to grow and be the big, strong, smart influence you want in this world!

Not sure we’re a good fit check out my free class — It’s your first step towards being your own birth boss.